Being the Ringmaster to the circus within my brain

While my life can very much be compared to a duller version of a circus and I do have a cat more than willing to jump through fiery hoops(sans animal cruelty), it is the one lurking within, that I address. Controlling and chaotic, feverishly entertaining and yet, dark enough to depress.

It starts with the seamless orchestration of this idea of perfection I have in mind. There is no room for error. I am performing acrobatic leaps of an irrational nature- reaching new bounds. Your friends secretly hate you. A B? pathetic really.

I juggle too. Happiness, reality and my goals. While one soars high above, the others remain compromised. Happiness rarely gets a chance at the top.In between acts, a clown appears to taunt me for my stupidity. Handkerchiefs for my tears and a red nose swapped out for red eyes.

I bend and contort myself to please others, resembling whatever shape they desire.Really, I am suffocating, trapped amongst my thoughts, never thinking outside the box I let society put me in.The adrenaline pumping, my heart furiously punching out of my chest and an audience, cheering, mesmerized by how close I walk the tightrope of failure. Warm popcorn and sticky candyfloss packets, stay littered like stray thoughts, fulfilling in the moment, trash in retrospect.

It is to you I bow my hat and curtsy, my mind. Wracked by anxiety and paranoia, putting on this dazzling show. Extravagant lights and a red topped tent. You invite people to cheer on the charade. The price of a ticket?Why only a portion of my happiness

 

Image result for night circus quotes

5 Reasons Why Fikile Mbalula And Chrissy Teigen Are Totally The Same Person

Our dearest current Minister of Police is no stranger to the world of social media stardom, but recently I can’t help but notice that he bears striking similarities another popular tweeter, it is, of course, our anointed Savior, dragger extraordinaire and notorious pizza eater (totally relatable) Chrissy Teigen. Want proof? You have come to the right place.

  1. THEY BOTH HAVE THE GREATEST COMEBACKS

         2. THEY BOTH LOVE TO DRAG TRUMP

  1. THEY ARE BOTH FEATURED ON BUZZFEED
  1. THEY BOTH MAKE INCREDIBLE MEMES
  1. THEY BOTH LIVE TWEET THEIR JOBS

So there you have it. Who would have ever thought a local minister could ever match the wits displayed by a model and TV Personality, but screenshots never lie. They’re fighting battles out there, one with crime, the other with lip syncing, but BOTH with the trolls on Twitter.

The anti-lifestyle blog

Blogging culture in recent years has exploded, every second person on Instagram reviews makeup or cafes and is doing an elaborate giveaway with an up and coming brand. I am proud of their success and at times, yes, a little envious,  because I too would like to enjoy the fruits of free stuff- I am Indian after all. I have, however, resided myself to the fact, that I will never be able to maintain such a facade. A self-proclaimed hermit studying tirelessly- in between binging new series and not living my best life. My life is too mundane to grace your feeds with that perfectly timed aesthetic coffee shot(You know, the one where you had to rearrange the sugar bowl and ask your friend to move their hand out of the shot). If you want to know my days usually go, well, you are in for a wild, thrilling and utterly boring ride.

7-8 AM- usually get out of bed, scroll through social media for a good few minutes. Breakfast is toast and butter or on the days when I’m watching my chiseled physique- special K, otherwise known as flavoured cardboard.

How to get my look: own a pair or jeans, loose culottes or tights and pair it with a collared shirt(the ones that were in like 3 years ago) or if you are at home- comfy sweats and literally any t-shirt with an ironic/ quirky saying. Sometimes a fangirl shirt- where maybe 5 people compliment you and the rest stare in bemusement.

Image result for memes about fashion bloggers

On my way to campus: It’s time for me to send my daily scheduled “I hate my life, I’d like this day to end” snapchat(with the latest adorable filter) to my many adoring fans( A.K.A my friends who have no choice but to entertain my whims). Sometimes, I throw in a ridiculous pun or two

Image result for snapchat memes

 

9-12: I try my hardest not to fall asleep in lectures and ask myself at least three times, why I pay half a home loan to have people read slides to me in a monotonous, monotone voice. On days off, I am probably on my fifth episode of the day and or still asleep.

Image result for memes about university

1-2: Ahh lunch, last night’s leftovers, a cheese sandwich or savouries, Mighty appetizing, totally worth the gram.

Late afternoon: I get home, seek out my cat who runs away from me and has more of a social life and then proceed to nap away my misery.

Evening: the overwhelming existential crisis strikes, I contemplate dropping out of uni and marrying a rich old billionaire or getting off my ass and starting to study for my test or doing the tut I am itching to skip.

Image result for existential crisis danisnotonfire

Supper: Depends on my mother’s mood and level of “today I want to outdo all the other mothers and try a new kitchen queen’s recipe” or here have toasted cheese.

The hours before I drift into nothingness: scroll, scroll, hahaha funny meme, sends to/tags friend. More memes, tweet something no one else finds funny or cares about, scroll, scroll, existential crisis part 2 because I read about Trump’s presidency or literally anything in the news, shade someone, scroll, scroll.

Image result for existential crisis danisnotonfire

PEACEFUL SLUMBER: dreams of meeting my favourite South Asian actors and or an irrelevant twitter crush.

So there you have it, friends. My hauls include hauling myself out of bed, a review of that person I tried not to make eye contact with and products used: the most important of all and highly coveted: WILL TO LIVE.

Disclaimer: while this is, in fact, how most of my days end up, I love fashion, makeup and trying out cute cafes- I just do it far less often than I would like. 

 

She changed her degree.

She changed her degree?

She wasted a year.

What in the heavens is she doing now?

She wasted money.

How will she get a job in this country?

She wasted her potential.

Why can’t she just do a health science?

She is going to waste a good life.

The past year, to say the least, has been a bit traumatic for me. I, did, in fact, change my degree and as such my entire expected life path. It was not easy, but it was a healthy and conscious choice to stand up to my parents. I still can’t fathom that at 17, I had to make the choice of what I wanted to do with my life and I completely botched it.

I was, like many teens, confused about the future and what life held for me. My parents pushed health sciences or IT and my heart yearned for journalism or law. My parents are not bad people, they’re just rightfully cautious ones who give into the whole Indian stereotype and wanted what they felt was best for me. I am a stubborn person, so when the acceptances rolled around, part of me even though I didn’t know it at the time, rebelled. I rebelled in the only way I knew how, potentially ruining my own life. I decided that within the field of science I would study rocks, because I had a penchant for geography, and after much reluctance, my parents accepted on the basis that it was, in fact, A SCIENCE.

I psyched myself up, ready with sharpened pencils, an open mind, and caverns filled with enthusiasm. “YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS” was my motto. I attended all my lectures, pushed as hard as I could and yet had this aching, gnawing feeling within me knew that I did not belong there at all. How could I possibly have chosen this?  A predominantly outdoor career for a computer addicted, pizza eating blob of a human? I LAUGH NOW BUT REALLY, HOW DID I DO THIS?

The year progressed and I looked at hundreds of rock specimens, passed my tests and went on exhausting field trips to find direction and yet I could never orientate my life. Lying to myself, my parents and even my friends became easier with time. “It’s really interesting” “Mum, did you know our kitchen granite is actually fake and you were scammed?” “DIAMONDS ARE A MINERAL AND NOT A ROCK”.

Feelings of isolation didn’t help either. One of few women and the only Muslim in my class. Sometimes, I’d just crave a friend or someone who understood me, but no one really did. People were kind, but I kept a suitable distance and never formed lasting attachments because I didn’t want to have a reason to stay.

My depression found solid ground in my brain, mining away in my consciousness, taking the precious resource of happiness and I retreated further into myself. By May, I decided I was unhappy and told my parents. I applied for a safe health science for the following year. I felt that maybe they did know best and I should decidedly live out my life as a cliché.

The real change occurred when I was approached by my dearest cousin who lives halfway across the world. I poured out my feelings of regret and confusion, with the help of her and my uncle, I did it. I applied for law in October and here I am now, four applicable credits to my name, in a new degree.

I can’t say my life has magically morphed into sunshine and rainbows, but I can say that I am in a much better, brighter place. The occasional snide remarks still find their way into my life, by an old aunt or a judgemental sibling. Having to explain my story surely does get old after the 60th time too. ‘Yes, I changed” “yes, how strange from geology to law”.

The reason I decided to finally put this into words is because if there is anyone out there who is scared to change or feels stuck, know that you are not alone. Yeah, that sounds like a sappy hallmark card, but it is true. You have options, you have time and it’s okay to not be sure. Trust yourself. That is all I ask.

 

My insecurities about college summed up by Daria.

 Swiitch Beauty, We’ve Got Receipts  

Disclaimer: Makeup and its tools are very personal, so something that might not work for me could be a holy grail for you. Do not be offended if your favourite beauty items are included in my review.

Any South African makeup-lover knows my struggle of trying to get my hands on international makeup brands or dupes without breaking the bank. Swiitchbeauty conveniently seemed like the perfect solution to all my problems, it was an OG Instagram makeup seller. Granted the price point is not as friendly on my student budget, I found that I was able to buy items I wanted that are not sold in national stores. In total, I have purchased five brushes from them, a brush cleaning glove and an eyebrow kit. The brush glove works phenomenally and the quality has not deteriorated since purchase. I honestly wish I could say the same for the brushes.

The items I purchased:

#G31CONTOURBRUSH // CONTOURING MAKEUP BRUSH

#F80DUOFIBER // DUO FIBER FOUNDATION BRUSH

#LUXESPHERE // ULTRA-LUXE MULTIPURPOSE BRUSH

#JAPANESEBLUSHBRUSH // ARTISAN BLUSH TOOL

#BLEND8 – 8PC EYESHADOW BRUSH SET

#BROWGAMEINBOX // EYEBROW FILLING KIT

#BRUSHLOVEGLOVE // TEXTURED MAKEUP BRUSH CLEANING GLOVE

 

Specifically speaking about the “LUXESPHERE // ULTRA-LUXE MULTIPURPOSE BRUSH”, I purchased it at the Cape Town pop-up shop. A few weeks later, it broke and I tried direct messaging them to fix the problem.  At first things seemed to go well and they said they would definitely exchange my brush but then they just ignored my messages for more than a month. I had messaged them on twitter and even emailed the owner but I had gotten no replies.

broken

At some point, the account messaged me again because I tagged a friend in of their posts saying the same brushes can be found on AliExpress.

 

Overall, I would not purchase from this brand again. Reasons besides the obvious, their customer service is terrible and the quality of the products are not worth the price point.

 

Written By: Nasrin Lavangee @nasrinstop

That time I did a makeup haul- NOT CLICKBAIT

DISCLAIMER: This post is to humorously bring light to the hypocrisy and falsehoods prevalent amongst the beauty community and in a satirical manner.Personally, I would know nothing about makeup without bloggers and YouTubers and love watching their hauls, tutorials and reviews, however some are more trustworthy than others. Take this with a pinch of salt and a good laugh.

Image result for no shade no tea

*lights scented candle amongst myriads of fairy lights to set mood*

Hello my lovelies,

As you all know I am well known South-African based beauty blogger and the basis of piggybacked opinions by dozens of impressionable viewers. This  haul will features almost everything necessary for a full face of makeup and will include a variety of high-end(not available here at any reasonable price or ease) and drugstore, because we don’t discriminate based on budget- just skin colour. I reserve the right to tell you whether or not I received any of the products for free.

Image result for no shade no tea

To set the stage for the master illusion, start off with a good pore-filling primer. My holy-grail is the Benefit Pore-fessional, as it really showcases how poorly professional I can be and fills in the crevices of my facade, with the added bonus of making it last for 16 hours.

Next, we move on to Foundation, with every layer lighter than my neck, I build up a bigger, deluded fan-base. I use the L’oreal- pro matte- infallible of course, much like myself.

Concealer is possibly most important, fortunately for me I can skip the orangey-red colour corrector for dark circles because I don’t lose sleep over the lies I pedal, however a generous layer of LA girl PRO (what I like to think I am) to mask imperfections usually does the trick. But I am not sure if anyone is baked enough to take me seriously.

cover dark circles meme

Now, it is all about blending seamlessly into the crowd of typical beauty gurus, never standing out- generic. I have the choice of dabbing(original beauty blender) or swiitch(ing) it up and brushing(Real Techniques) away the haters.

You know, way back when I was one of those girls who probably bullied other girls for having thick bushy brows, but look at me now trying to emulate them, stroke by stroke thanks to Anastasia’s Brow Wiz that she didn’t even need Hogwarts to create.

no eyebrows meme

For the real deception, we focus on the eyes- the windows to the soul after all. The lies hidden in the shadows of my Tarte pallets. The glitter to dazzle and enchant. The roller lash mascara forming clumps- much like cliquey bloggers, the trusty glue to the falsies holding together my false claims and lastly the perfect winged liner using Kat Von D’s Trooper- aptly named to describe my fans.

Once all colour in my face has seemingly been lost, it is time to contour- gently carving out affiliate codes with Benefit’s Hoola Bronzer, a dash of NYX dusty rose blush- be careful not to be pricked by its thorns and lastly the glow to blind all reason- intoxicatingly luminous Champagne Pop by Becca and my dearest bestie Jaclyn Hill (I wish).

To perfectly bring this look into fruition, I’d go with a bright coral colour like beeper  from colourpop to distract you from how much time you’ve wasted reading this and to really lock it all in, I use Urban Decay All-Nighter, so the lies don’t budge.

makeup hoarding meme

That’s it for this weeks haul, please subscribe and give me those beautiful likes from your beautiful faces.

Au revoir.

 

Image result for makeup memes

 

For her.

As my head rests back on the sandstone covered stairs, I look to the vast blue skies the muse to so many romantic poets and come to the conclusion that while I am romantic, I am no poet. Collections of dust and dizziness float above me, seen through my own skewed perceptive lens(literally in my case). I try to shake the insurmountable weight on my figurative shoulders as well as the very real aching knots within. She makes me despise who I am, what I say, do, eat and every breath I take seems like an inconvenience to her gilded path. “Don’t take her seriously, you’re so rare and special, embrace your differences,” the comment that seems like a slap in my face and feelings. I’m allowed to feel even too much the way I do, swallow back the tears and cuddle the tiger looking cat. I am entitled to drift like the white clouds in and out of my sad state or consider never going back in, but only I believe this- and far too deep down inside. So I sigh a real sigh and and lift the heavy expanse of my body and soul further into my thoughts.

The work Diaries- Part 1

Like many teenagers, when summer rolled around and my pocked emptied , I sought out a job to replenish my savings.

Applications were sent, pleas were made and CV’s edited but to no avail as I faced rejection at every corner. Thankfully my mother swooped in with a dash of nepotism(How else will you got far in life?) and provided me with a 2 week registration stint. My job was meant to be aiding university registration for the new year, whether it be technical glitches or menial labour. However, the literary stars aligned and I was placed elsewhere.

An old dramatic Arts Professor and Executive Dean required my assistance as his secretary has taken ill, and so my journey through the mountains of rat chewed paper had begun. I was truly at the edge of a cliff as I contemplated my own end due to incredible boredom. I filed papers, I tore up paper (confidentially reasons) and I got battle wounds( paper cuts) for my tireless service. At lunch I’d sneak away and quietly read a book in the kitchen and watch the clock taunt me maniacally.

My body, being an exhausted vessel, a direct result of my non-existent sleeping pattern, sunk into the depths of my bed when I got home.

Day 2 was the catalyst for change. The day before, I had noticed a rather fanciful and interesting book collection in the Professor’s office, ,mainly featuring the works of Shakespeare (The first person I stanned). Being the socially awkward dweeb that I am, I feared bringing up the shared interest but the plunge off paper (see mountain) cliff anyway. It turns out I was amongst another stan of epic proportions and Shakespeare became the gap to bridge generations. The Professor had not only studied, performed  and directed Shakespeare but also dedicated his entire Phd to the Upstart crow himself, at the University of London.

He delightfully performed a Hamlet Soliloquy, which I of course applauded and sent me home with a batch of my favourite quotes from my unconventionally favourite play “The Merchant of Venice”

It felt wonderful to engage in conversation over  a shared passion and GET PAID FOR IT. It made work not seem as dreary as it did before but the joy can only last so long.

Shakespeare humour - Hamlet.

Taking back the reins

I have completely lost the plot, instead of writing for myself as an outlet, I fell pray to consumerist ideals and focused my content on audience perception and less on my main objective. This blog was created to post my ramblings and sometimes curated pieces for you to read and enjoy, but I got so caught up in my pursuit of validation, that I forgot write for myself.

So began the block, the wall as imaginary as the one dear old Donald plans to build. The foundation laid down by own stupidity and the bricks pieced together by the fabric of my depression. Sometimes quaint little windows would appear and breach the everlasting sunlight.

But,the tears dry, the day begins again and I seek solace and contentment. I am no poet, No writer, merely a custodian of words, whether they be freely flowing or caged within my mind

Image result for writers block

I(2016) would very much like to be excluded from this narrative

I came into this world as the clock struck 12 on January 1st 2016. I was celebrated and embraced, kisses and fireworks marked my entrance and I watched silently as foolish resolutions were made in my name. Amy, Jess, Pri, have you guys reached your goal weight yet? Mark, have you quit smoking? Are all of you going to blame every event ever in the known universe on me?

I am just a regular year, run of the mill, truly and inexplicably ordinary, but it seemed out of all the years, I really drew the short straw. But humankind really is the dramatic sort, I didn’t bring you the plague, any world war or even bring back bootleg jeans(not that they’re on the same level as mass deaths  but you get my point)

Why does nobody remember the good I have bestowed upon your feeble kind, like the fact that world hunger has reached an all time low in 25 years or the that many endangered species experienced rejuvenation and how Beyoncé released Lemonade and had all of you “SHOOK”. Conveniently forgot to remember this? Didn’t bother to read the myriad articles of articles detailing my excellence? Of course not, you were too busy making me your Gregorian scapegoat. I have this urge to sue you all for character defamation , but it would just add to the list of reasons why I am villainized.

Look, let me reason with you, the bad things and yes I do acknowledge the bad things. were far beyond my control. Trump is a bigoted force of nature, The United Kingdom a country of emotionless pasty faces were bound to screw up at some point and well the angel of death certainly had it out for Hollywood.

However, I am the understanding sort and I see your need to allocate blame as a coping mechanism and so have decided to accept all your personal terrible choices, grand catastrophes, slew of deaths and many many twitter trends as my final act of kindness before I cease to exist. My good old friend 2017, who is soon to enter your lives might not be as receptive , no matter how much positivity you seem to throw at it.

In my parting words to you, I urge you to remember be as more than just the worst year ever and have a little sympathy for all the hate that I endured  only to pacify your feelings.Take comfort in knowing that I am at an end but take heed for what might follow.

 

Yours truly,

NOT THE WORST YEAR EVER

Image result for worst year ever 2016 memes

(It is I, the author of this and 2016 IS THE WORST YEAR EVER IT FREAKING SUCKED, BYE)