How I Survived Over A Month Without WiFi

Disclaimer: yes, I understand my inherent privilege and that millions of people don’t have access to WiFi. My problem is a very first world one for a third world gal. But take it with a pinch of salt and humour

It started one summer eve, the light left the sky and I retreated to my cave to do what I do best, scroll. It was here I was confronted with the prehistoric creature inviting me to an internet-less existence, making me one with itself(thanks, chrome dinosaur). At first instinct, I panicked, but it was not a problem I had not faced before. The towering Telkom has regularly and ruthlessly cut off my access to the world. My father and resident useless commander of our fort tackled the problem head-on, only to be left on hold.

The days grew longer, and my eagerness to attend university increased. The networks used to further academic excellence were now tainted and used to download Korean dramas, send snap streaks and relentlessly Instagram stalk. I apologize to every student who was trying to do work and thank them for bearing with my abuse.

My truest ally came in the form of the mystical capitalist haven also known as Starbucks. There I sat with my MacBook imposter Lenovo laptop, sipping overpriced coffee and finishing up assignments. Employees handed me free tea samples and strangers politely smiled as we shared a plug point, adding strength to face my adversity.

Friends proved themselves in my time of need. Pictures were never sent, but merely described and my Snapchat password floated to the next available streak sender. They so kindly took me in, sheltered, fed and connected me as the Telkom continued its torment. But it also came with being dragged on many occasions and being left behind on certain memes. My problem actually spread to a friend, but alas her shortage lasted 5 days only.

Vodacom thoroughly benefited as my demise continued. As if their data prices weren’t high enough we faced the VAT increase. My reluctant parents helped me waste money to refresh a timeline and download notes. Then I turned on them and started kicking off my parent’s devices from the hotspot because I prioritized succession notes over my mother’s latest Instagram recipe craze. In times like this, your true colours really show and my inner dictator prevailed.

In the end, I came out stronger, my academics probably benefited and I tested my own levels of tolerance, which admittedly aren’t very high. In the midst of it all, my aforementioned fake MacBook charger also broke and took weeks to be replaced, adding to the growing anxiety. Now that the promised land of content has been returned to me, I feel like a kid in a virtual candy store (for lack of a better metaphor). You mean I can spend a day watching just YouTube videos? My wireless printer will work? More than 2 seconds of an episode can be streamed? I am overwhelmed with my power and will never take my WiFi for granted again.

As for Telkom, all I can say is “DO BETTER”.

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Confessions

This topic has been done to death by teenage bloggers all over the face of this big but really small blue planet but it is time I come out and admit it , embrace who I am and no … I am not a lesbian, just addicted to network spanning oceans and continents , freely available to comfort my constant state of boredom , with a webpage for every meaningless piece of human knowledge , yes I am talking about my partner for the long haul: the worldwide web or more formally known as the internet.

I took it upon me to do some research on the internet , about the internet and then got confused briefly as everyone likes to stake a claim in the invention of well my life , but the most mentioned name would be Tim Berners-Lee , so give him credit where credit is due.

Personally I want to know what is so good about the outside world anyway with their fresh air , beautiful scenery , captivating wildlife and human interaction , I am perfectly fine in the confines of my bedroom with comfy clothes and good food , oh for the love of god FOOD. I am always picking on clichéd teenagers of my generation when in actual fact I am one , just the weirder and less popular one.

But I have decided to turn over a new leaf in light if recent events m that being my summer holiday spent in my bedroom void of sunlight in some sort of cave , because I have realised it is really unhealthy. I need to stop refreshing my twitter every two seconds waiting , yearning for that retweet or favourite or stalking my OTP on tumblr and stop friending people on faceboook , hah no I am kidding , who even goes on facebook anymore?

How long will be semi intervention last? only time will tell… but probably about as long as it took me to write this post , so roughly 10-15 minutes or so. Being born in the internet age has made me cynic , I started of as optimist in dreamland with all the wehearters , then sailed off to realism with BBC and news 24 before making a final stop at pessimist island with most of you bloggers out there , which is incidentally where I currently reside , sometimes I take the boat back to reality , but I always return to my true home.

Anyways though , I hope someday I either grow out of this phase entirely or find a way to make money out of it (it has been done, but I am a pessimist so never mind).

Haha omg... 😂🐱

P.S ALL THIS WAS MADE POSSIBLE BY THE INTERNET , OH HOW I LOVE YOU

Relationship advice from a single pringle

The irony of me doing this topic on my blog is incalculable and is most certainly leaping of this page, seeing as I have no experience whatsoever, but then the thought occurred to me , I have watched an insane amount of movies and watched those around me go through tumultuous situations and therefore have a PHD in the matter. Below will be a list of scenarios and my advice on the matter

1. unrequited love

I think everybody goes through this phase at least once in their life , unless you’re really pretty , then I hate you and don’t read this anymore. But I guess you just need to let go and not become a super stalker crazy person. Apparently there is someone for everybody and have faith that you’re still going to find your someone and they’re going to be ten times better, or not then cat lady it is or cat man , whatever suits your fancy , I don’t judge.

Me these days 😓

2. heartbroken

If this is common to you , then I’m truly sorry but don’t make a big deal out of it . Most of the time you draw negative attention to yourself by behaving like a whiny 2 year old and yeah it must hurt like hell , but nothing is forever , in time and with loads of comfort food, things will get better or you could just punch the living daylights out of the douche , that helps too.

this is my equivalent to being heartbroken :

wi-fi is a girl's bestfriend ☠

3. Long distance

It has been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder , so if you’re unfortunately far away from your better half make the most of todays technology. Today it’s a lot easier with social networks and Skype and facetime. If it’s meant to be you’ll pull through but don’t make these living arrangements permanent, because then you’re doomed.Distance

4. friendzoned

I see you there nodding away , ahh yeah the most dreaded off all , sorry guys but there really is no escape to this one , make the most of it ? at least you’re still friends or end the relationship completely.Ouch

so yeah that’s just my opinion on a few scenarios and it’s pretty much rubbish that came to me at the top of my head , but at least if it made you smile , I know I did my job , soo all you lovers out there , chin up 🙂