I(2016) would very much like to be excluded from this narrative

I came into this world as the clock struck 12 on January 1st 2016. I was celebrated and embraced, kisses and fireworks marked my entrance and I watched silently as foolish resolutions were made in my name. Amy, Jess, Pri, have you guys reached your goal weight yet? Mark, have you quit smoking? Are all of you going to blame every event ever in the known universe on me?

I am just a regular year, run of the mill, truly and inexplicably ordinary, but it seemed out of all the years, I really drew the short straw. But humankind really is the dramatic sort, I didn’t bring you the plague, any world war or even bring back bootleg jeans(not that they’re on the same level as mass deaths  but you get my point)

Why does nobody remember the good I have bestowed upon your feeble kind, like the fact that world hunger has reached an all time low in 25 years or the that many endangered species experienced rejuvenation and how Beyoncé released Lemonade and had all of you “SHOOK”. Conveniently forgot to remember this? Didn’t bother to read the myriad articles of articles detailing my excellence? Of course not, you were too busy making me your Gregorian scapegoat. I have this urge to sue you all for character defamation , but it would just add to the list of reasons why I am villainized.

Look, let me reason with you, the bad things and yes I do acknowledge the bad things. were far beyond my control. Trump is a bigoted force of nature, The United Kingdom a country of emotionless pasty faces were bound to screw up at some point and well the angel of death certainly had it out for Hollywood.

However, I am the understanding sort and I see your need to allocate blame as a coping mechanism and so have decided to accept all your personal terrible choices, grand catastrophes, slew of deaths and many many twitter trends as my final act of kindness before I cease to exist. My good old friend 2017, who is soon to enter your lives might not be as receptive , no matter how much positivity you seem to throw at it.

In my parting words to you, I urge you to remember be as more than just the worst year ever and have a little sympathy for all the hate that I endured  only to pacify your feelings.Take comfort in knowing that I am at an end but take heed for what might follow.

 

Yours truly,

NOT THE WORST YEAR EVER

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(It is I, the author of this and 2016 IS THE WORST YEAR EVER IT FREAKING SUCKED, BYE)

Take a break from the toxic

The way things have been going in 2016 and my increasing lack of faith in the internet , today I want to say thank you to people from the internet who have enriched my life.

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My predominant social media of choice would be the ever evolving home to 140 characters , why Twitter of course. Around mid 2013 an habit or more so an addiction developed to sharing my arbitrary and pointless thoughts which probably did include what I had for breakfast that morning . Slowly but surely I kept my momentum going and added my jokes that no one would laugh at irl and the followers trickled in. By grade 11(2014) people at school used to talk about how  I never stopped tweeting or how many retweets I had on a certain thing and it all felt eerie but then cue the wonderful people that are my mutuals, who made me throw caution to the wind and forget every stranger danger lecture I’ve ever gotten.

Vivacious pun-makers , sarcastic fangirls , religious reminders , social justice warriors , you name it and they probably found their way into my heart. With every little part of my soul i shared , I gained a part of another’s soul , every character you decided to perfectly curate (typo or not) has taught me something or made me a better person.

 

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It’s never always sunshine and unicorns in life and the same applies to the tl but I am not here to focus on the negative ( for once) . Some nights I could be bored out my mind , sitting in the dark scrolling away my life and then my thirst could be quenched by double thick milkshakes , exposing catfish and viral opinion games and my night could be so aptly deemed ‘lit’ , however not by regular teenager standards.

The best part for me has been watching people grow and prosper in their respective fields .Casey the model , Juwie the artist , poet (and pretty much everything else) , Haaj the shipper , Tara the youtuber , Gabi the photographer, Suvania (my sunshine) the soon to be published writer and so many many others. Sometimes I mention these names irl and much to the confusion of those around me , but on the tl it’s a quaint little community with a wealth of knowledge and with people from vastly different backgrounds.

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My loyal followers (some more than others) have helped me through some of the hardest times in my life , become my best friends  and have given me whatsapp groups galore, confidence and tremendous amounts of support. Sharing my life with people some within my country , km away and some across oceans have unlocked opportunities I could never dream of. It’s rather ironic how I am willing to share to the void that is the internet , instead of to the people I see on a daily basis but satisfying nevertheless.

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So to end of thank you for the kind words , constructive  criticism , terribly grand puns, riveting book discussions, stunning photosets , answering my questions on shampoo and most importantly giving me a space where I fit. I pray for each and every one of you to succeed and I hope to meet more of you (sans awkwardness). Also , I apologise for all the mushiness and or cheesiness , let it slide just this once and you better not be fake.

 

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An open letter to the Social Justice Warriors of the web

DISCLAIMER: This is in no way shape or form meant to serve as some form of ridiculous judgement or ‘shade throwing’ , it is merely based on my personal observations as seen on the internet and is strictly then a generalisation , if this does not apply to you , great wonderful my sincerest apologies for lumping  you into a large group of people . THIS IS MY OWN OPINION , which you can choose to take into consideration or discard into the useless abyss that is life . This is my free space to say what I believe and I urge you to not quote me out of context. I cannot emphasize enough that this my PERSONAL view and I am indeed a flawed human and  I do not believe my opinion is the be all and end all and am willing to consider others and grow a person without compromising my core beliefs.

Activism seems to be the special on the menu of life these days , and I am all for it, provided there is a just cause.

Firstly , I would like to start off on a positive note and thank you for your contribution to my life and knowledge. I am not a person who believes that social media activism is futile for I have first hand seen the immense power of a collective group of people all over the world in educating and bringing about change as demonstrated by the #FEESMUSTFALLMOVEMENT . Through social media my eyes have been widened to many injustices and learned of new concepts such as white privilege , reverse racism (or lack thereof) and cultural appropriation to name a few. For this I am grateful as it has allowed me to critically engage with new ideas and form new opinions and outlooks.

However , I do believe the world is ALWAYS going to be a place filled with bigots and those who choose to remain ignorant and that we can never truly eradicate or educate ALL of them and therefore begrudgingly have to find a way to share the same air and web spaces with them and this is why I believe that “dragging” can reach sickening levels. More often than not your endgame is to educate and engage in debate over a conflicting issue but sometimes it spirals into throwing petty insults back and forth and your crew coming to your aid merely rubbing salt into the wound. It is not a healthy means of getting your point across , you get so caught up in the act of dragging that you lose your point and I for one cannot take you seriously after that. With the concept of dragging , we face problems such as mob mentality and so many people jump on a bandwagon that probably didn’t concern them in the first place and creates more drama and hostility.

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While I do not believe that my opinion is the only correct one in existence, I am generally terrified of voicing it for fear of it being contradictory to the collective accepted norms laid of by social justice warriors and in fact although I have been wanting to write about this for a long time , however  ,my fear of being shunned or ostracized overpowered me. Ironically a core value preached by SJW’s is acceptance and I hate to say it but this is greatly lacking. Once what was a safe space for me to voice my opinions is now hostile and yes I realise I should just unfollow , block and mute but for some reason I find this difficult to do. If your (that being anyone) opinion is not the generally accepted one , it gets lost in the void and is deemed irrelevant and you can often face mass scrutiny even if the view is not politically charged.

Two great factors that are largely touched on are race and religion and for most this can be seen as a touchy subject and rightfully so. Let’s start of by saying I am a Muslim Indian , thus making me religious and a POC and despite the fact that I believe in a higher power I have maintained healthy relationships with my friends who are Atheists.On the internet however there are many religious beliefs that many hold dear which can be considered archaic or pointless to SJWs and this can lead to religion bashing , misquoted scripture or quoting out of context and create unnecessary conflict and no this is not me excusing religious people for their bigoted statements either , there are always two sides to the coin. Then comes my race , POC have been grouped together mostly due to` melanin content and similar media treatment or in a historical context , note I said SIMILAR , NOT THE SAME. I for one believe I am not educated enough to make statements about race and POC in general , yet some seem to be more than learned on the subject and no wikipedia links do not count. There is a general lack of comradery and almost any statement pertaining to race is broiled in controversy and then we have the widely contentious cultural appropriation and how sometimes we are willing to excuse POC for appropriating other cultures yet vehemently go after non-POC. This is most certainly an internal problem and should be addressed as opposed to swept under the rug and proper research should be done before making blanket statements.

Next up we have a very emotional topic commonly known as “triggers” which is an undisputed occurrence , however what one person find triggering may not affect the other and vice versa . I have seen many people call out tweets or pictures for being triggering and go on escapades to prove their point or drag a person and yet they or their friends can post something equally as triggering to another and use the empty shell of an excuse of ” It’s not that deep”. I am not saying don’t quote lyrics or dark humour but just don’t be hypocritical about it. If you want people to respect your needs , you need to do the same in return.

To end this post off I would just like to say that I apologise if indeed this was triggering to anyone reading it and would like to reiterate my disclaimer. This serves to both commend and condemn SJW’s who can too be problematic , as we are all in fact human. Continue preaching the way you do and voicing your concerns for issues so passionately , and I will continue to admire you so long as you have a significant intellectual basis .I would just like to promote the idea of a holistic , tolerant and safely engaging society but this can be seen as my optimistic side.  My last word of advice is not to belittle or patronize others because you might just end up becoming your own enemy.  

The woes of being a blogger

Hello there internet( I don’t know why I address you as a whole , well thank Dan Howell)

I am not sure if you noticed or well cared but I have pretty much been MIA in terms of my blog and it’s lately I feel like I am losing  my touch with being able to write and exercise my mind , and that it will all eventually turn into a pile of mush from all the series watching and twitter scrolling ( I know , healthy life , healthy mind).

When I first started this blog , well I was measles ridden and shoved in solitary confinement and so I decided to bless the world with my lovely and irrelevant opinions on pretty much anything ,sigh I miss the eagerness of 15 year old me . So young and so full of ideas and motivation . Fast forward a few years to newly 18 , first year university student me and I am a complete and total creativity barren wasteland. So , using a lovely suggestion from my friend , I have decided to chronicle the desperately overdramtised woes of being a blogger ( in whatever order they pop into my head)

1.Everyone automatically assumes you blog about fashion

Don’t get me wrong , I admire fashion bloggers and their unique or sometimes generic senses of style and need to help those supposedly fashionably challenged and sometimes I do read these blogs , however my blog is about whatever the heck I want it to be about and I don’t want it to be specifically categorized or grouped , I feel like it just projects a negative image of blogging in general and just removes the idea of it being a personally expressive platform and even if you are a fashion or beauty blogger you keep doing you and I will continue to piggyback on your opinions , so thank you for your contribution to the bloggesphere (idk is this a word).

2.Writing slumps

The ever dreaded enemy to all bloggers and writers alike . Sometimes you just get sucked into this void , you can’t bring yourself to formulate ideas worthy of posting and you let procrastination get to you , having just experienced this I can tell you how detrimental it can be to your blog and your confidence in your writing . Pretty sure I went through the 5 stages of grief with this one.

3. HATERS GONNA HATE

Sadly , like most things on the internet the hate grows and follows you around .People have different views and opinions on things which is completely okay but some prefer to be a bit more vocal about it and sure feelings can get hurt , so the resident haters out there while you do fuel some people be mindful about feelings (wait why am I addressing haters pssst it’s not like I have any of those)

4. What will my readers think?

When you choose to share your thoughts on a global scale , it can be very tricky . I sometimes wonder about how people will react to what I have to say instead of being a completely unfiltered version of myself. Naturally , most bloggers are subjective or biased and your reader won’t always be happy with what you have to say.

5.How much of my life am I willing to share ?

Ahh , the age old tale of stranger danger on the internet still looms (weird because I seem to forget this when I interact with twitter mutuals) and you have to decide what is okay to share and what isn’t. Be reasonable and not broadcast your address because that is essentially inviting some creep to stalk you but this also concerns feelings and life details . Often it is easier for us to trust complete strangers with our problems mostly due to the safety of the degree of anonymity you have when hiding behind a keyboard.

6. WHY NOT JUST BE A VLOGGER?

Well , not attractive or wealthy enough to maintain this.

7. Twitter threads are beginning to threaten my existence 

Personally , I enjoy doing the “types or people/things” or favourites type of posts and well these have gained immense popularity on twitter and our puny brains are more likely to pay attention to things in small doses rather than long winded posts and with the option of a retweet they tend to reach larger audiences hence making a greater impact. However , hopefully I will always still be here typing to no one at all just to give myself some peace of mind.

8.Not becoming rich and famous anytime soon 

When I started this blog I of course had every intention of making this the sole supporter of my existence once I reached ultimate stardom , well no not really but wouldn’t that be nice?

9. TYPOS/TYPOES(idk)

These unsuspecting buggers creep up on you and ruin your life so much so that you end up writing poetry about them in my case

10. Not generically recycling content

Finding your voice can be incredibly difficult and time consuming . You don’t want to be one of those blogs who just churns out unoriginal pieces that have been seen before , you want to stand out and be unique but this is easier said than done (what a cliche I know , leave me be)

Well , at this very moment this is all I can think off as I avoid all my responsibilities like my upcoming tests . If you are indeed a blogger please comment down below about your personal woes and let us hope I try to post weekly in the near future more so for myself than anyone else and to my readers (if I have any) , go easy on us bloggers ,we are fragile tortured souls just trying to find the perfect pair of skinny jeans to review for you ( I KID , I KID).

 

 

If Social Media were drinks

We live in a fast paced world that has us glued to our dimly lit screens almost constantly and usually we owe this addiction and sometimes complete waste of time to Social Media. Yes , the thing that keeps evolving and new ones sprout up out of the blue and well at first our parents hate it , but when they join it , it is not longer cool. In this post , vaguely inspired by Troye Sivan’s video where he personified social media , I will be going through what social media would be if they were well known drinks. This is in fact biased and has no scientific evidence , deal with it.

Tumblr – Voss water

Tumblr , just like water happens to sustain life . It sustains the life of multiple fandoms , sad poetry , some of the best memes and glorious photography. But , it isn’t just any water , oh no , it is the best of the best , the cut above the rest : VOSS , of course because it’s all about the aesthetic at the end of the day.

Twitter – coffee

The underlying component of coffee is well , caffeine. It provides the energy needed for those all night twitter owls and can be seemingly as refreshingly addictive as your timeline. Twitter is known for being hyperactive and universally loved by most people with a brain (oh wait nevermind , it is also the home to most bigots an politicians too). There also different ways to tweet , you can be a bitter sugarless hater ,an over the top frothy fangirl or just plan and simple average-cuppa-joe.

Facebook – Coke 

Facebook started off big and made millions and is still sadly relatively popular today . It is one of those things you know you shouldn’t drink but once you get a taste , you’re hooked (temporarily).

Snapchat – EVERY ALCOHOL EVER

The new kid on the block is doing everything it possibly can to stay relevant and can often be confusing at times. One moment you’re watching pointless 300 second long snapstories and living vicariously from the comfort of your couch and the next you’re reading refreshing articles. Mostly , just like after consuming alcohol you may regret your actions like that snap you sent , as there are always handy screenshotters at the ready to have your mistakes saved forever .Both alcohol and snapchat have a habit of making you lose your clothes (hint :those nudes you shouldn’t have sent) (NOTE : just like alochol snapchat’s terms and conditions seem to be a bit fuzzy too , You have been warned).

YouTube- Flavoured water

Water , as stated before sustains life and is the original contender on the block , but then came flavoured water , with new possibilities and unidentifiable health risks . You know it probably isnt good for you ,but you drink it anyway . There are different flavours for everyone , like if you’re in the mood for music videos , pranks , general vlogging , make up gurus or a tutorial on basically anything.

 

Vine – RedBull

Vine is basically that hyperactive kid running around screaming random things as quickly as possible in the hopes of going viral ( or gaining wings). It also has negative side effects that we sometimes overlook, like launching the careers of Nash Grier and Cameron Dallas

Pintrest – Chardonnay

Classy , refined , tasteful and possibly run by middle-aged housewives , pintrest is the go to for DIY ideas and once you join you’re pinned for life.

Google + – Pepsi

The cheaper cousin of Facebook , who tried out the formula but was missing a key ingredient , yet still lingers in the hopes of one day catching on.

 

Well ,that’s a wrap and I am rather thirsty now . Comment down below if you disagree and what the drink you think a social media represents.

“DOBBY IS A FREE ELF” – the different ways to spend the end of High School

As I have mentioned only about 600 times by now , HIGH SCHOOL IS OVER AND BEHIND ME( that is until January 6th when my results are released). Here in the Southern Hemisphere we have normal school years that run from January to December ( we are sadly not privileged enough to have 3 months of summer holiday , be grateful) . Now however due to our extra time and need to just be free and come to terms with being unemployed (yes I used this joke , despite it being in poor taste and out of context) , we seek out ways to spend our days . Here are some of the possible scenarios occurring at this very moment .My data was obtained through twitter polls (which I think were invented purely for advertisers but helps make trusty life decisions) and drawing on my personal knowledge)

PARTYING IT UP AT RAGE

So first up , rage is a sort of party festival type thing that takes place in my home city and was created purely for matrics to let loose among the myriads of alcohol while “dancing” against each other to some form of electro-music . Definitely not my scene and if I did attend my mother would call every hour to check if I was alive , but it seems to appease the masses and I hope it meets their expectations. This also about the closest South African teenagers get to American High school red cup parties (not that I would know)

BINGE WATCHING TV SERIES AND MOVIES

Perhaps others ,but not me have the restraint to not watch series and movies during the exam period and have now built up this massive pile of things to watch. So the ultimate marathon begins , the real test of speed , strength , agility and endurance. My advice is not to burn out too quickly ,pace yourself and stay hydrated because there’s a long journey ahead.

SLEEPING AND EATING

Pretty self explanatory I’d say . The ultimate hibernation for the summer holidays , oh the irony.

GOING OFF ON VACATION

If you’re lucky enough you  get to be whisked off to foreign lands and experience different cultures and you know probably never have a summer romance like in books and movies.

GET A JOB

I truly respect people who work hard to earn their own money and have purpose to their days. Unfortunately , I am unable to join the working folk as no one will employ a 17 year old with no matric certificate.

 

HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS

This is basically what I have been attempting to do in between all the YouTube spirals . Recently I was a hypocrite as after telling people not to burn their notes but rather recycle , we had a mini bonfire where we burnt a few notes (little I promise) and I cannot describe the feeling of pure bliss I experienced while watching trigonometry notes become engulfed by flames. Seeing as there will be a splitting of my little pangea of friends , I want to maximize my time with them.

That’s about all my little mind can muster , I just hope everyone is just letting loose any way they know how and enjoying a semi-stress free environment.

Actual picture from me this holiday

THE TYPO*

Do you ever come up with the perfect tweet and then bamn typo , life ruined? This is me on a daily basis and here is a poem expressing my deep rooted feelings

( keep in mind I don’t write poetry and well this is probably going to be a disaster)

 

The typo* ( For Carla)

I hit send and never looked back

to me it was perfect , no need for a second glance.

it had wit

not to mention a pun and sarcasm too

 

Alas , in an instant , my glee turned to sorrow

My fingers upon which I had depended , had betrayed me

Staring back at me with an ominous smirk was it

THE TYPO

 

My heart skipped a beat

the internet will never forgive me , I yelled in despair

 

And then ,

only  then had it dawned upon me

My life is nothing but one big typo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Confessions

This topic has been done to death by teenage bloggers all over the face of this big but really small blue planet but it is time I come out and admit it , embrace who I am and no … I am not a lesbian, just addicted to network spanning oceans and continents , freely available to comfort my constant state of boredom , with a webpage for every meaningless piece of human knowledge , yes I am talking about my partner for the long haul: the worldwide web or more formally known as the internet.

I took it upon me to do some research on the internet , about the internet and then got confused briefly as everyone likes to stake a claim in the invention of well my life , but the most mentioned name would be Tim Berners-Lee , so give him credit where credit is due.

Personally I want to know what is so good about the outside world anyway with their fresh air , beautiful scenery , captivating wildlife and human interaction , I am perfectly fine in the confines of my bedroom with comfy clothes and good food , oh for the love of god FOOD. I am always picking on clichéd teenagers of my generation when in actual fact I am one , just the weirder and less popular one.

But I have decided to turn over a new leaf in light if recent events m that being my summer holiday spent in my bedroom void of sunlight in some sort of cave , because I have realised it is really unhealthy. I need to stop refreshing my twitter every two seconds waiting , yearning for that retweet or favourite or stalking my OTP on tumblr and stop friending people on faceboook , hah no I am kidding , who even goes on facebook anymore?

How long will be semi intervention last? only time will tell… but probably about as long as it took me to write this post , so roughly 10-15 minutes or so. Being born in the internet age has made me cynic , I started of as optimist in dreamland with all the wehearters , then sailed off to realism with BBC and news 24 before making a final stop at pessimist island with most of you bloggers out there , which is incidentally where I currently reside , sometimes I take the boat back to reality , but I always return to my true home.

Anyways though , I hope someday I either grow out of this phase entirely or find a way to make money out of it (it has been done, but I am a pessimist so never mind).

Haha omg... 😂🐱

P.S ALL THIS WAS MADE POSSIBLE BY THE INTERNET , OH HOW I LOVE YOU