Being the Ringmaster to the circus within my brain

While my life can very much be compared to a duller version of a circus and I do have a cat more than willing to jump through fiery hoops(sans animal cruelty), it is the one lurking within, that I address. Controlling and chaotic, feverishly entertaining and yet, dark enough to depress.

It starts with the seamless orchestration of this idea of perfection I have in mind. There is no room for error. I am performing acrobatic leaps of an irrational nature- reaching new bounds. Your friends secretly hate you. A B? pathetic really.

I juggle too. Happiness, reality and my goals. While one soars high above, the others remain compromised. Happiness rarely gets a chance at the top.In between acts, a clown appears to taunt me for my stupidity. Handkerchiefs for my tears and a red nose swapped out for red eyes.

I bend and contort myself to please others, resembling whatever shape they desire.Really, I am suffocating, trapped amongst my thoughts, never thinking outside the box I let society put me in.The adrenaline pumping, my heart furiously punching out of my chest and an audience, cheering, mesmerized by how close I walk the tightrope of failure. Warm popcorn and sticky candyfloss packets, stay littered like stray thoughts, fulfilling in the moment, trash in retrospect.

It is to you I bow my hat and curtsy, my mind. Wracked by anxiety and paranoia, putting on this dazzling show. Extravagant lights and a red topped tent. You invite people to cheer on the charade. The price of a ticket?Why only a portion of my happiness

 

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The anti-lifestyle blog

Blogging culture in recent years has exploded, every second person on Instagram reviews makeup or cafes and is doing an elaborate giveaway with an up and coming brand. I am proud of their success and at times, yes, a little envious,  because I too would like to enjoy the fruits of free stuff- I am Indian after all. I have, however, resided myself to the fact, that I will never be able to maintain such a facade. A self-proclaimed hermit studying tirelessly- in between binging new series and not living my best life. My life is too mundane to grace your feeds with that perfectly timed aesthetic coffee shot(You know, the one where you had to rearrange the sugar bowl and ask your friend to move their hand out of the shot). If you want to know my days usually go, well, you are in for a wild, thrilling and utterly boring ride.

7-8 AM- usually get out of bed, scroll through social media for a good few minutes. Breakfast is toast and butter or on the days when I’m watching my chiseled physique- special K, otherwise known as flavoured cardboard.

How to get my look: own a pair or jeans, loose culottes or tights and pair it with a collared shirt(the ones that were in like 3 years ago) or if you are at home- comfy sweats and literally any t-shirt with an ironic/ quirky saying. Sometimes a fangirl shirt- where maybe 5 people compliment you and the rest stare in bemusement.

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On my way to campus: It’s time for me to send my daily scheduled “I hate my life, I’d like this day to end” snapchat(with the latest adorable filter) to my many adoring fans( A.K.A my friends who have no choice but to entertain my whims). Sometimes, I throw in a ridiculous pun or two

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9-12: I try my hardest not to fall asleep in lectures and ask myself at least three times, why I pay half a home loan to have people read slides to me in a monotonous, monotone voice. On days off, I am probably on my fifth episode of the day and or still asleep.

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1-2: Ahh lunch, last night’s leftovers, a cheese sandwich or savouries, Mighty appetizing, totally worth the gram.

Late afternoon: I get home, seek out my cat who runs away from me and has more of a social life and then proceed to nap away my misery.

Evening: the overwhelming existential crisis strikes, I contemplate dropping out of uni and marrying a rich old billionaire or getting off my ass and starting to study for my test or doing the tut I am itching to skip.

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Supper: Depends on my mother’s mood and level of “today I want to outdo all the other mothers and try a new kitchen queen’s recipe” or here have toasted cheese.

The hours before I drift into nothingness: scroll, scroll, hahaha funny meme, sends to/tags friend. More memes, tweet something no one else finds funny or cares about, scroll, scroll, existential crisis part 2 because I read about Trump’s presidency or literally anything in the news, shade someone, scroll, scroll.

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PEACEFUL SLUMBER: dreams of meeting my favourite South Asian actors and or an irrelevant twitter crush.

So there you have it, friends. My hauls include hauling myself out of bed, a review of that person I tried not to make eye contact with and products used: the most important of all and highly coveted: WILL TO LIVE.

Disclaimer: while this is, in fact, how most of my days end up, I love fashion, makeup and trying out cute cafes- I just do it far less often than I would like. 

 

That time I did a makeup haul- NOT CLICKBAIT

DISCLAIMER: This post is to humorously bring light to the hypocrisy and falsehoods prevalent amongst the beauty community and in a satirical manner.Personally, I would know nothing about makeup without bloggers and YouTubers and love watching their hauls, tutorials and reviews, however some are more trustworthy than others. Take this with a pinch of salt and a good laugh.

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*lights scented candle amongst myriads of fairy lights to set mood*

Hello my lovelies,

As you all know I am well known South-African based beauty blogger and the basis of piggybacked opinions by dozens of impressionable viewers. This  haul will features almost everything necessary for a full face of makeup and will include a variety of high-end(not available here at any reasonable price or ease) and drugstore, because we don’t discriminate based on budget- just skin colour. I reserve the right to tell you whether or not I received any of the products for free.

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To set the stage for the master illusion, start off with a good pore-filling primer. My holy-grail is the Benefit Pore-fessional, as it really showcases how poorly professional I can be and fills in the crevices of my facade, with the added bonus of making it last for 16 hours.

Next, we move on to Foundation, with every layer lighter than my neck, I build up a bigger, deluded fan-base. I use the L’oreal- pro matte- infallible of course, much like myself.

Concealer is possibly most important, fortunately for me I can skip the orangey-red colour corrector for dark circles because I don’t lose sleep over the lies I pedal, however a generous layer of LA girl PRO (what I like to think I am) to mask imperfections usually does the trick. But I am not sure if anyone is baked enough to take me seriously.

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Now, it is all about blending seamlessly into the crowd of typical beauty gurus, never standing out- generic. I have the choice of dabbing(original beauty blender) or swiitch(ing) it up and brushing(Real Techniques) away the haters.

You know, way back when I was one of those girls who probably bullied other girls for having thick bushy brows, but look at me now trying to emulate them, stroke by stroke thanks to Anastasia’s Brow Wiz that she didn’t even need Hogwarts to create.

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For the real deception, we focus on the eyes- the windows to the soul after all. The lies hidden in the shadows of my Tarte pallets. The glitter to dazzle and enchant. The roller lash mascara forming clumps- much like cliquey bloggers, the trusty glue to the falsies holding together my false claims and lastly the perfect winged liner using Kat Von D’s Trooper- aptly named to describe my fans.

Once all colour in my face has seemingly been lost, it is time to contour- gently carving out affiliate codes with Benefit’s Hoola Bronzer, a dash of NYX dusty rose blush- be careful not to be pricked by its thorns and lastly the glow to blind all reason- intoxicatingly luminous Champagne Pop by Becca and my dearest bestie Jaclyn Hill (I wish).

To perfectly bring this look into fruition, I’d go with a bright coral colour like beeper  from colourpop to distract you from how much time you’ve wasted reading this and to really lock it all in, I use Urban Decay All-Nighter, so the lies don’t budge.

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That’s it for this weeks haul, please subscribe and give me those beautiful likes from your beautiful faces.

Au revoir.

 

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The work Diaries- Part 1

Like many teenagers, when summer rolled around and my pocked emptied , I sought out a job to replenish my savings.

Applications were sent, pleas were made and CV’s edited but to no avail as I faced rejection at every corner. Thankfully my mother swooped in with a dash of nepotism(How else will you got far in life?) and provided me with a 2 week registration stint. My job was meant to be aiding university registration for the new year, whether it be technical glitches or menial labour. However, the literary stars aligned and I was placed elsewhere.

An old dramatic Arts Professor and Executive Dean required my assistance as his secretary has taken ill, and so my journey through the mountains of rat chewed paper had begun. I was truly at the edge of a cliff as I contemplated my own end due to incredible boredom. I filed papers, I tore up paper (confidentially reasons) and I got battle wounds( paper cuts) for my tireless service. At lunch I’d sneak away and quietly read a book in the kitchen and watch the clock taunt me maniacally.

My body, being an exhausted vessel, a direct result of my non-existent sleeping pattern, sunk into the depths of my bed when I got home.

Day 2 was the catalyst for change. The day before, I had noticed a rather fanciful and interesting book collection in the Professor’s office, ,mainly featuring the works of Shakespeare (The first person I stanned). Being the socially awkward dweeb that I am, I feared bringing up the shared interest but the plunge off paper (see mountain) cliff anyway. It turns out I was amongst another stan of epic proportions and Shakespeare became the gap to bridge generations. The Professor had not only studied, performed  and directed Shakespeare but also dedicated his entire Phd to the Upstart crow himself, at the University of London.

He delightfully performed a Hamlet Soliloquy, which I of course applauded and sent me home with a batch of my favourite quotes from my unconventionally favourite play “The Merchant of Venice”

It felt wonderful to engage in conversation over  a shared passion and GET PAID FOR IT. It made work not seem as dreary as it did before but the joy can only last so long.

Shakespeare humour - Hamlet.

I(2016) would very much like to be excluded from this narrative

I came into this world as the clock struck 12 on January 1st 2016. I was celebrated and embraced, kisses and fireworks marked my entrance and I watched silently as foolish resolutions were made in my name. Amy, Jess, Pri, have you guys reached your goal weight yet? Mark, have you quit smoking? Are all of you going to blame every event ever in the known universe on me?

I am just a regular year, run of the mill, truly and inexplicably ordinary, but it seemed out of all the years, I really drew the short straw. But humankind really is the dramatic sort, I didn’t bring you the plague, any world war or even bring back bootleg jeans(not that they’re on the same level as mass deaths  but you get my point)

Why does nobody remember the good I have bestowed upon your feeble kind, like the fact that world hunger has reached an all time low in 25 years or the that many endangered species experienced rejuvenation and how Beyoncé released Lemonade and had all of you “SHOOK”. Conveniently forgot to remember this? Didn’t bother to read the myriad articles of articles detailing my excellence? Of course not, you were too busy making me your Gregorian scapegoat. I have this urge to sue you all for character defamation , but it would just add to the list of reasons why I am villainized.

Look, let me reason with you, the bad things and yes I do acknowledge the bad things. were far beyond my control. Trump is a bigoted force of nature, The United Kingdom a country of emotionless pasty faces were bound to screw up at some point and well the angel of death certainly had it out for Hollywood.

However, I am the understanding sort and I see your need to allocate blame as a coping mechanism and so have decided to accept all your personal terrible choices, grand catastrophes, slew of deaths and many many twitter trends as my final act of kindness before I cease to exist. My good old friend 2017, who is soon to enter your lives might not be as receptive , no matter how much positivity you seem to throw at it.

In my parting words to you, I urge you to remember be as more than just the worst year ever and have a little sympathy for all the hate that I endured  only to pacify your feelings.Take comfort in knowing that I am at an end but take heed for what might follow.

 

Yours truly,

NOT THE WORST YEAR EVER

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(It is I, the author of this and 2016 IS THE WORST YEAR EVER IT FREAKING SUCKED, BYE)

Hello, it’s me.

Yes , it is still I, your loyal but not so present elfling just with a new look . It just seemed time for a change what with my impending existential crisis soon to follow. This new me comes with a few announcements and proclamations too.

I am no longer 15 years old , what a surprise I know . No longer filled with high school woes or an eagerness to blog , and I also drink green tea(caffeine is caffeine) now and care about makeup ( OH THE HORROR- that is no longer my face). The younger me would be so appalled at the current state of this blog and my life, I am pretty sure she would be drafting a post already. I have let this seep into the crevices , ignored and only there when I have a rare surge of energy and enough is enough.

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I think I applied this to my blog instead

This blog demands my attention. I am more confused than I have ever been and I probably need one of those years off to go find myself in Europe but unfortunately I am both broke and not white , instead I have my words , a source of solace and contentment that I now intend to make full use of. Be prepared for a flurry of thoughts , reviews and those fun posts too ( a shrine to my former work).

A promise to myself and to my readers if any , is to post biweekly and if not I hope to be expelled to the deepest , darkest parts of the internet for my most deceitful betrayal. Lastly , it feels good to be filled with a need to write again and I hope it makes me feel better in this weird and messy part of my life ( oh , look, positivity , that’s new) and thank you to Juwie for the exceptional artwork , it was definitely the push I needed. Your loyal elfling is here to stay, Insha Allah.

 

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This is ever so cheesy and yet is all I ever want to say

 

An open letter to the Social Justice Warriors of the web

DISCLAIMER: This is in no way shape or form meant to serve as some form of ridiculous judgement or ‘shade throwing’ , it is merely based on my personal observations as seen on the internet and is strictly then a generalisation , if this does not apply to you , great wonderful my sincerest apologies for lumping  you into a large group of people . THIS IS MY OWN OPINION , which you can choose to take into consideration or discard into the useless abyss that is life . This is my free space to say what I believe and I urge you to not quote me out of context. I cannot emphasize enough that this my PERSONAL view and I am indeed a flawed human and  I do not believe my opinion is the be all and end all and am willing to consider others and grow a person without compromising my core beliefs.

Activism seems to be the special on the menu of life these days , and I am all for it, provided there is a just cause.

Firstly , I would like to start off on a positive note and thank you for your contribution to my life and knowledge. I am not a person who believes that social media activism is futile for I have first hand seen the immense power of a collective group of people all over the world in educating and bringing about change as demonstrated by the #FEESMUSTFALLMOVEMENT . Through social media my eyes have been widened to many injustices and learned of new concepts such as white privilege , reverse racism (or lack thereof) and cultural appropriation to name a few. For this I am grateful as it has allowed me to critically engage with new ideas and form new opinions and outlooks.

However , I do believe the world is ALWAYS going to be a place filled with bigots and those who choose to remain ignorant and that we can never truly eradicate or educate ALL of them and therefore begrudgingly have to find a way to share the same air and web spaces with them and this is why I believe that “dragging” can reach sickening levels. More often than not your endgame is to educate and engage in debate over a conflicting issue but sometimes it spirals into throwing petty insults back and forth and your crew coming to your aid merely rubbing salt into the wound. It is not a healthy means of getting your point across , you get so caught up in the act of dragging that you lose your point and I for one cannot take you seriously after that. With the concept of dragging , we face problems such as mob mentality and so many people jump on a bandwagon that probably didn’t concern them in the first place and creates more drama and hostility.

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While I do not believe that my opinion is the only correct one in existence, I am generally terrified of voicing it for fear of it being contradictory to the collective accepted norms laid of by social justice warriors and in fact although I have been wanting to write about this for a long time , however  ,my fear of being shunned or ostracized overpowered me. Ironically a core value preached by SJW’s is acceptance and I hate to say it but this is greatly lacking. Once what was a safe space for me to voice my opinions is now hostile and yes I realise I should just unfollow , block and mute but for some reason I find this difficult to do. If your (that being anyone) opinion is not the generally accepted one , it gets lost in the void and is deemed irrelevant and you can often face mass scrutiny even if the view is not politically charged.

Two great factors that are largely touched on are race and religion and for most this can be seen as a touchy subject and rightfully so. Let’s start of by saying I am a Muslim Indian , thus making me religious and a POC and despite the fact that I believe in a higher power I have maintained healthy relationships with my friends who are Atheists.On the internet however there are many religious beliefs that many hold dear which can be considered archaic or pointless to SJWs and this can lead to religion bashing , misquoted scripture or quoting out of context and create unnecessary conflict and no this is not me excusing religious people for their bigoted statements either , there are always two sides to the coin. Then comes my race , POC have been grouped together mostly due to` melanin content and similar media treatment or in a historical context , note I said SIMILAR , NOT THE SAME. I for one believe I am not educated enough to make statements about race and POC in general , yet some seem to be more than learned on the subject and no wikipedia links do not count. There is a general lack of comradery and almost any statement pertaining to race is broiled in controversy and then we have the widely contentious cultural appropriation and how sometimes we are willing to excuse POC for appropriating other cultures yet vehemently go after non-POC. This is most certainly an internal problem and should be addressed as opposed to swept under the rug and proper research should be done before making blanket statements.

Next up we have a very emotional topic commonly known as “triggers” which is an undisputed occurrence , however what one person find triggering may not affect the other and vice versa . I have seen many people call out tweets or pictures for being triggering and go on escapades to prove their point or drag a person and yet they or their friends can post something equally as triggering to another and use the empty shell of an excuse of ” It’s not that deep”. I am not saying don’t quote lyrics or dark humour but just don’t be hypocritical about it. If you want people to respect your needs , you need to do the same in return.

To end this post off I would just like to say that I apologise if indeed this was triggering to anyone reading it and would like to reiterate my disclaimer. This serves to both commend and condemn SJW’s who can too be problematic , as we are all in fact human. Continue preaching the way you do and voicing your concerns for issues so passionately , and I will continue to admire you so long as you have a significant intellectual basis .I would just like to promote the idea of a holistic , tolerant and safely engaging society but this can be seen as my optimistic side.  My last word of advice is not to belittle or patronize others because you might just end up becoming your own enemy.  

The woes of being a blogger

Hello there internet( I don’t know why I address you as a whole , well thank Dan Howell)

I am not sure if you noticed or well cared but I have pretty much been MIA in terms of my blog and it’s lately I feel like I am losing  my touch with being able to write and exercise my mind , and that it will all eventually turn into a pile of mush from all the series watching and twitter scrolling ( I know , healthy life , healthy mind).

When I first started this blog , well I was measles ridden and shoved in solitary confinement and so I decided to bless the world with my lovely and irrelevant opinions on pretty much anything ,sigh I miss the eagerness of 15 year old me . So young and so full of ideas and motivation . Fast forward a few years to newly 18 , first year university student me and I am a complete and total creativity barren wasteland. So , using a lovely suggestion from my friend , I have decided to chronicle the desperately overdramtised woes of being a blogger ( in whatever order they pop into my head)

1.Everyone automatically assumes you blog about fashion

Don’t get me wrong , I admire fashion bloggers and their unique or sometimes generic senses of style and need to help those supposedly fashionably challenged and sometimes I do read these blogs , however my blog is about whatever the heck I want it to be about and I don’t want it to be specifically categorized or grouped , I feel like it just projects a negative image of blogging in general and just removes the idea of it being a personally expressive platform and even if you are a fashion or beauty blogger you keep doing you and I will continue to piggyback on your opinions , so thank you for your contribution to the bloggesphere (idk is this a word).

2.Writing slumps

The ever dreaded enemy to all bloggers and writers alike . Sometimes you just get sucked into this void , you can’t bring yourself to formulate ideas worthy of posting and you let procrastination get to you , having just experienced this I can tell you how detrimental it can be to your blog and your confidence in your writing . Pretty sure I went through the 5 stages of grief with this one.

3. HATERS GONNA HATE

Sadly , like most things on the internet the hate grows and follows you around .People have different views and opinions on things which is completely okay but some prefer to be a bit more vocal about it and sure feelings can get hurt , so the resident haters out there while you do fuel some people be mindful about feelings (wait why am I addressing haters pssst it’s not like I have any of those)

4. What will my readers think?

When you choose to share your thoughts on a global scale , it can be very tricky . I sometimes wonder about how people will react to what I have to say instead of being a completely unfiltered version of myself. Naturally , most bloggers are subjective or biased and your reader won’t always be happy with what you have to say.

5.How much of my life am I willing to share ?

Ahh , the age old tale of stranger danger on the internet still looms (weird because I seem to forget this when I interact with twitter mutuals) and you have to decide what is okay to share and what isn’t. Be reasonable and not broadcast your address because that is essentially inviting some creep to stalk you but this also concerns feelings and life details . Often it is easier for us to trust complete strangers with our problems mostly due to the safety of the degree of anonymity you have when hiding behind a keyboard.

6. WHY NOT JUST BE A VLOGGER?

Well , not attractive or wealthy enough to maintain this.

7. Twitter threads are beginning to threaten my existence 

Personally , I enjoy doing the “types or people/things” or favourites type of posts and well these have gained immense popularity on twitter and our puny brains are more likely to pay attention to things in small doses rather than long winded posts and with the option of a retweet they tend to reach larger audiences hence making a greater impact. However , hopefully I will always still be here typing to no one at all just to give myself some peace of mind.

8.Not becoming rich and famous anytime soon 

When I started this blog I of course had every intention of making this the sole supporter of my existence once I reached ultimate stardom , well no not really but wouldn’t that be nice?

9. TYPOS/TYPOES(idk)

These unsuspecting buggers creep up on you and ruin your life so much so that you end up writing poetry about them in my case

10. Not generically recycling content

Finding your voice can be incredibly difficult and time consuming . You don’t want to be one of those blogs who just churns out unoriginal pieces that have been seen before , you want to stand out and be unique but this is easier said than done (what a cliche I know , leave me be)

Well , at this very moment this is all I can think off as I avoid all my responsibilities like my upcoming tests . If you are indeed a blogger please comment down below about your personal woes and let us hope I try to post weekly in the near future more so for myself than anyone else and to my readers (if I have any) , go easy on us bloggers ,we are fragile tortured souls just trying to find the perfect pair of skinny jeans to review for you ( I KID , I KID).

 

 

My reaction to Star Wars : Episode 4 (1977)

I can hear the flurry of scorn and insults thrown at me ” YOU VALUE POP CULTURE AND YET YOU HAVE NEVER WATCHED STAR WARS” . Unfortunately being born in 1998 means I missed the whole buzz and my parents were never really bring on the franchise , so it slipped out of my narrow grasp. Sure , I know the most famous spoilers that shook the very beings of its time , but really I had no deep burning desire to delve further into this universe . That is until , 2015 happened and a new movie would be released to mass critical praise and audience appeal . Was I going to let myself sit on the sidelines as it dominated all areas of pop culture ? No , I simply could not. So , today after multiple days of procrastination , I finally watched the first movie and these are my internal monologue of thoughts throughout

  • in a galaxy far far away – cool , cool iconic stuff
  • why is the information slanted how am I supposed to read this ?
  • the effects are surprisingly good for its time
  • storm troopers look like the peacekeepers from The Hunger Games (so technically peacekeepers are the rip-offs)
  • WHY DOES DARTH VADER BREATH SO HEAVILY
  • Princess Leia was rocking those buns way before Miley , they remind me of cinnabon , so I am going to call them cinnabuns
  • I see so much of myself in C-3PO , the skeptic nature and anxiety
  • “we seem to be made to suffer. It’s out lot in life” – preach C-3PO , preach
  • okay the things that kidnapped R2-D2 look like pre-schoolers in robes and sound a lot like the minions – like scarily alike
  • I ship the bromance between R2 and C-3PO
  • so people and aliens ride tame dinosaurs here? cool
  • is that an igloo on a barren planet ?
  • LUKE !! – POP CULTURE TINGLES GO INTO A FRENZY
  • so the droids are sold into slavery ? this seems like droid trafficking to me.
  • also , Luke stop finding your sister pretty (yes , another great spoiler)
  • WHO IS THIS OBI-WAN KENOBI?
  • all this talk about Luke’s dad and I want to yell “LUKE , I AM YOUR FATHER” . The greatest spoiler known to man
  • Luke stares into the sunset with that whole hero mindset vibe
  • okay so this old guy that saves Luke is obviously Obi
  • how right was I
  • LIGHTSABERS ARE SO FREAKING COOL
  • Talking about how dead Luke’s father is and I can’t help but snicker
  • Is the empire a metaphor for something ? corporations , commercialism , government  corruption?
  • the guy next to Vader has now been nicknamed general cheekbones
  • OH POOR LUKE ,I SEE SKELETONS
  • ‘These aren’t the droids you’re looking for’ – again I have heard this before , nice to finally place it into context
  • the force feels like when a vampire compels someone
  • the whole bar scene feels like someone smoked marijuana and is currently hallucinating
  • CHEWBACCA
  • jazz aliens – retro
  • INDIANA JON- I MEAN-HARRIS- HAN SOLO , I MEAN HAN SOLO
  • did he just kill something and no one around cares? Casual
  • is jabba like an intergalactic mob boss? He looks like an overgrown slug
  •  Han just called Jabba a wonderful “human being” , I went back to check if I heard correctly , I did , wtf?
  • laser beams ,drama , luke being whiny
  • poof , there goes a whole planet I had no attachment to
  • chewy and R2 are playing space chess ? This reminds me of wizard chess
  • Is believing in the force like believing in a God?
  • OKAY SO SHIZ JUST WENT DOWN AND THEY ARE GOING TOWARDS VADER AND GENERAL CHEEKBONES
  • wow stromtroopers did such a thorough search (sarcasm)
  • Okay so Obi is going off to do Obi type things
  • Luke is getting all heroic and Leia is his damsel in distress apparently
  • Han gives no shits whatsoever , did I mention I really like Han
  • YASS CHEWY SLAY DEM TROOPERS SLAY
  • Hans answering under crisis is my favourite thing ‘ oh we’re fine so fine , how are you ‘ ‘we’re sending a troop up’ ‘oh no wait we have a gas leak’

  • Darth and Obi face off to come
  • GO LEIA SLAY GURL SLAY – BE YOUR OWN HERO ,YOU DON’T NEED NO MAN
  • I ship Hans and Leia – cue internet yelling at me for focusing on ships and not the character’s role in the epic story , just leave me and my hopeless romantic shipper heart alone.
  • so they’re in some type of sewer trash type place and ANACONDA IS THAT YOU?
  • LUKE , WHERE YOU AT BOY?
  • C-3PO  is my spirit animal
  • ” big walking carpet”- 1000 crying laughter face emojis
  • obi walks around with no disguise and no one questions him or notices? Normal , very normal.
  • laser beam here , laser beam there , laser beam everywhere.
  • some boderline incestual contact there with the siblings
  • okay confrontation , lightsabers at the ready
  • * 2 minutes later* – still fighting no actual winner
  • WHERE YOU AT OBI?
  • side note : Leia was in a trash shoot why is her dress so pristine and white still? Does space have non-stain fabric because I could use that
  • ALL A PLOY – PLOT TWIST
  • Leia is a smarticle
  • boring stuff …
  • Obi speaks from beyond
  • plane stuff .. boring .. boring..
  • DARTH VADER TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
  • ACTION , MORE ACTION
  • HAN CAME BACK YO
  • R2 YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS
  • Luke being all heroic – naturally
  • chewy deserves a medal of valour too
  • HAPPY ENDING ???
  • I’M CONFUSE

To round up , I geniunely enjoyed watching this movie and saw myself in C-3PO . I fangirled plenty over Han and Leia’s witty banter and the general whimsical and highly original nature of the tale , you can see the tremendous hard-work and love poured into this work of art. I will further venture into this franchise and be proud that I can finally understand all the jokes and references . I hope you enjoyed my terrible monologue

 

2015 in a nutshell

It’s that time of the year again where we are so close to the end that we can finally round all the good and bad that occurred in this short but relevant space of time. These choices will be based on obviously my own biased opinion and strenuous research ( I TAKE MY POP CULTURE SERIOUSLY).

SONG OF THE YEAR

This is a tough one for obvious reasons and sadly , after much deliberation , I CHEATED and chose two.

Watch me (Whip/Nae Nae) – SILENTO

It is beyond me how this became as popular as it did despite being created by a 17 year old , but hey it defined an entire year and that is pretty stank-ing amazing.

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Can’t feel my face – The Weeknd

This song was only played on every radio station about 499 times per day naturally, having links to cocaine , it sure is an addictive tune.

BEST/ WORST/ ANIMATED MOVIES

BEST: Mad Max : Fury Road

I personally have no idea what goes on in this movie and haven’t watched it yet but if ratings are something to go by this sure was a winner. Look out for badass females ,  magnificent explosions and Tom Hardy.

WORST : Pixels

It stars Adam Sandler , need I say more?

 

ANIMATED : Inside Out

The movie that proved Pixar could be great again . It was wonderfully imaginative , featured a talented voice cast and literally brought THE FEELS.

BREAKOUT ACTOR/ ACTRESS

ACTOR : Eddie Redmayne

Slightly ginger , dashing British accent  and has killer cheekbones . This guy is hot off the heels winning both an Oscar and a Golden Globe for his perfomance in The Theory of everything and facing a new wave of nominations for The Danish Girl . He is also set to star in the Harry Potter prequel of sorts Fantastic Beasts and where to find them and I for one cannot wait.

ACTRESS: Alicia Vikander

I see you wondering who the heck I could be referring to ,but trust me you will want to remember this talented Swede’s name . She starred in the critically accalimed cyber thriller Ex-Machina , garnered a Golden Globe nomination for The Danish Girl and happens to be dating the uber sexy Michael Fassbender . She is going to do big things with her acting career , I guarantee it.

VIRAL SENSATION : The Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge

The youngest Jenner is infamous for larger than life , albeit fake lips and many tried to recreate this look and the results were terrifying. The entrepreneur Kylie , used this publicity to launch a lip kit but I can’t help but wonder if she decided to include her plastic surgeon’s number in there too.

THIS YEAR BELONGED TO : Gigi Hadid , Catlyn Jenner and Taylor Swift

I would be more than okay never having to hear these names again after being bombarded by them all year.

BADASS :  Akon

He made it possible for 600 million Africans to have access to electricity . YES , I DO BELIEVE HELPING PEOPLE IS BADASS.

GREATEST COMEBACK : Justin Bieber and Adele

Me :Hello , it’s me

you : what do you mean?

Justin’s image was on the road to redemption before releasing his new album Purpose which is surprisingly catchy and now we have new beliebers floating in , when they previously hated his music. Adele , however smashed in effortlessly blowing us away with her incredible vocals and of course obliterating Taylor’s vevo record.

 

 

 

SCANDAL: Zayn Malik leaving One Direction

Tears flooded timelines , lives were potentially destroyed and this occurred all before the much awaited concert in South Africa ( we don’t deserve nice things) . The 14 year old directioner in me was deeply saddened but I do wish him the best of luck in his solo career.

 

2015 , you have been emotionally harrowing , crazy and also rather beautiful . You will forever-more be immortalized in this post and I hope 2016 is a heck of a lot better.