The work Diaries- Part 1

Like many teenagers, when summer rolled around and my pocked emptied , I sought out a job to replenish my savings.

Applications were sent, pleas were made and CV’s edited but to no avail as I faced rejection at every corner. Thankfully my mother swooped in with a dash of nepotism(How else will you got far in life?) and provided me with a 2 week registration stint. My job was meant to be aiding university registration for the new year, whether it be technical glitches or menial labour. However, the literary stars aligned and I was placed elsewhere.

An old dramatic Arts Professor and Executive Dean required my assistance as his secretary has taken ill, and so my journey through the mountains of rat chewed paper had begun. I was truly at the edge of a cliff as I contemplated my own end due to incredible boredom. I filed papers, I tore up paper (confidentially reasons) and I got battle wounds( paper cuts) for my tireless service. At lunch I’d sneak away and quietly read a book in the kitchen and watch the clock taunt me maniacally.

My body, being an exhausted vessel, a direct result of my non-existent sleeping pattern, sunk into the depths of my bed when I got home.

Day 2 was the catalyst for change. The day before, I had noticed a rather fanciful and interesting book collection in the Professor’s office, ,mainly featuring the works of Shakespeare (The first person I stanned). Being the socially awkward dweeb that I am, I feared bringing up the shared interest but the plunge off paper (see mountain) cliff anyway. It turns out I was amongst another stan of epic proportions and Shakespeare became the gap to bridge generations. The Professor had not only studied, performed  and directed Shakespeare but also dedicated his entire Phd to the Upstart crow himself, at the University of London.

He delightfully performed a Hamlet Soliloquy, which I of course applauded and sent me home with a batch of my favourite quotes from my unconventionally favourite play “The Merchant of Venice”

It felt wonderful to engage in conversation over  a shared passion and GET PAID FOR IT. It made work not seem as dreary as it did before but the joy can only last so long.

Shakespeare humour - Hamlet.

All’s well that ends well

Well , the time has finally come . I am back in the blogger-sphere for good and I wish to never leave its warm and comforting embrace again.

2015 has been quite the year for me and as my stress levels increased ,my dedication to my blog decreased. I know I don’t have some massive following on here that grip onto my every word , but I feel as if I have failed no one but myself by being distant and neglectful.

WHAT’S NEW?

Well , for starters I can almost safely say that High school is behind me and the future is ahead (forgive me for the cheesiness , I cringed too) .  I have one more exam to go and well I can’t really study for English paper 3 (the writing of essays and transactionals) and this is as close to practice as I will get.  Personally , school has shaped a huge part of my personality mainly because I appreciate the rigid routine it gives me and is also a safety blanket wrapped around me ,protecting me from the real world for 12 long years and now I have to unwrap myself and face the cold and harsh reality . The nostalgia really starts to kick in when I think back to bullying the boys in my class in primary school  ( back when we were actually the same size) ,reciting my poetry out aloud in grade 6 (I thought all poetry had to rhyme) , waking up one morning and realising a project was due that day ( much to my mother’s horror and dismay), the random excursions to the zoo or just simply the weird yet amazing conversations I had at break with my friends.

I watched everyone else in my class get these notes in Primary school , but alas twas never I.

High school in itself was quite a peculiar journey and NOTHING LIKE AMERICAN MOVIES AND TV THAT I GREW UP WATCHING. Sure there were cliques ,popular people, nerds , weirdos who sit in the corner alone , jocks , but nobody was limited to hanging out with the people who were exactly like them or bullied for liking things that were not necessarily “cool” , or maybe this is just because I went to an all girl’s school where asking for a pad / tampon freely , was normal. At the end of the day or well era that is high school , I am grateful for having met some like-minded individuals and openly admitting to binge reading Wikipedia articles and still maintaining friendships . I do however regret only knowing and conversing with about half my grade (there are like 225 girls , don’t judge me).

PROBABLY THE MOST ACCURATE DESCRIPTION OF HIGH SCHOOL , EVER

High School Was Easy

So , just being hot off the heels of the hardest exams I have ever written , I guess you could say I am slightly overwhelmed and freaked out about getting my results in January , but I have about a month of stress free binge watching time to enjoy before the crippling anxiety and nerves set in, as numbers on a page determine my entire existence (fun, right?)

 

 

Lastly ,  I would like to personally congratulate myself on being a self-proclaimed blogger for two years as of the 17th of November 2015 ( yes , I missed the milestone and I am horrible and narcissistic) . I wish myself all the luck in the future of sharing my irrelevant thoughts with the world and hopefully I only improve from here on out.

 

How not to do International Coffee Day

Today is in fact international coffee day , second only to my Birthday in my books , as it celebrates the existence of the elixir that both sustains and ruins my life. The following story I am about to tell is based on actual evens that occurred this very morning.

Just before the sun rose over the horizon I gently slipped out of bed and took my laptop upstairs to the study (my second home). Here , I had planned to concoct the perfect study timetable to ensure success in my upcoming final exams . It was complete and colour coded to OCD perfection. Once completed , I scurried off to the kitchen to eat some breakfast and interestingly enough my mum had just baked a batch of scones . Now one would normally consume ones coffee , but of course I decided against it and decided to ingest water instead ( trying to be healthy) and it is here that the trouble started. After packing my bag and donning my dreadful school uniform for one of the last times , it finally hit me that today was in fact ” international coffee day” and what kind of caffeinated elfling would I be if I simply ignored it ? (answer: a terrible one) .

Being the absolute genius that I am ,I decided to make a cup of coffee and carry it to school in one of those carrier flasks and sip away the extra hour early at which I was dropped off at school. My steaming hot cup of hugs was ready and I casually placed the flask down on the study table in order to gather my things . In a matter of a second and one flick from my school bag , the VERY MUCH CLOSED flask was knocked over and the mess ensued . My plan was fullproof but my laptop was not coffeeproof. The sticky brown liquid seeped into the crevices of my keyboard at an alarming rate and beside it lay my very study timetable drenched and deteriorating . It took a few more seconds for my brain to process my stupidity before I realised that I too , was covered in coffee . My mind rushed as I picked up my laptop with its now ironic “love coffee” sticker plastered on the surface . I turned it around and hurriedly tried to remove the excess coffee and yelled for help while slowly dying inside.

In the end there was nothing more I could than confess to my parents and face the sticky consequences. Subsequently I did not go to school due to my spiralling emotions and am dreading drinking another cup of coffee. Suffice to say I may have been “stained” for life.

This was of course not typed out on my own laptop for obvious reasons . I just hope we manage to sort everything out and I figured blogging would be a good release . I give you full permission to laugh at my misery , at least then I know someone got something good out of this .

HOPEFULLY YOUR INTERNATIONAL COFFEE DAY GOES BETTER THAN MINE ( I still love coffee okay , at least I think so …)

In a world without coffee for my laptop however there would be no chaos and darkness ( especially since the screen went black after the spill)

A summary of my brain during exams

Why hello there internet (say this in Dan Howell’s voice)

So , of course you’re wondering where I have been (not really but I will tell you anyway). Basically I have just morphed into this semi-diligent human being and am currently writing my trial exams (before my finals like forever next month and then I am done with school) Anyway , as I type this it is 6am and I am in the mood to procrastinate. Here is an intimate look at how my brain functions during an exam period:

Night before exam: OMG OMG OMG , we haven’t studied , you know nothing. SIT DOWN AND LOOK AT YOUR NOTES RIGHT NOW!

*5 minutes later* Haha why were we stressing again? You know this stuff , I mean you have only been tested on it like 400 times , just relax cut yourself some slack . Take a break , scroll on twitter , I am mean it cant be of any harm right?

*1 hour later* YOU SPENT AN ENTIRE HOUR ON TWITTER? DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN THE MIDST OF EXAMS? DO YOU?. You think you’re so smart don’t you? Get out your notes and start doing a past paper!

*30 minutes later* Ahh , umm .. I need sleep .. you can always umm.. carry on in the morning right?

*tries to fall asleep* oh so like isn’t an organic molecule saturated when it has no double bonds? Oh and half of this side is like equal to half of that side in that maths theorem.

*8 hours later* WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP .  YOU’RE GOING TO FAIL . GET YOUR DAMN ASS OUT OF BED AND COFFEE IN YOUR SYSTEM

*1.5 hours later* oooh wow you were so productive , we’re going to ace this paper . Go on , eat breakfast ,rest easy knowing you’re a certified genius.

*arrives at school before exam to see other people* Look at how prepared they are ! Waaaay more than you . haha you’re going to fail.

*during reading time* Oh nevermind , this is easy ,come on you gots this

*half way through exam* remember when you thought you knew this stuff? *sarcastic LOL* Just give up already , you’re never going to know the answer. I will make your head hurt to punish you *gets headache*. But before you go to sleep look at that terrible outfit that teacher is wearing.

*5 minutes before the exam end* WAIT . WAIT ! WAKE UP I REMEBER THE ANSWER TO 5.2.21.6

*pens down* Oh so you failed that , you might as well accept and never talk about this again.

*gets home and has an exam the next day* You know what? Studying will never help you anyway , if you’re screwed , you’re screwed. Take a nap , you deserve it. Oh and you know we actually knew the answer to 7.8.3

*4 hours later*

*cycle repeats*

I have come to the conclusion that my brain is sadistic and has a warped sense of reality during exams,as it is often misleading. However,my brain and I are in this together and I hope it goes better than I imagine. (good luck to all others going through this, stay strong and don’t trust your brain).

Comment down below if your brain functions in a similar manner

The drastic changes brought upon by matric

After completing 11 years of never ending torture , you finally reach the penultimate year . Everything has been building up to this fateful period in your life known as matric ( as if you didn’t already know I was in grade 12 what with my never-ending sighs and lack of posts).

At the beginning of almost every school year you prep yourself , armed with an arsenal of freshly labelled stationery and the fleeting memories of your short-lived summer holiday , but mostly with a new mind-set to finally accomplish those sought after academic goals , yet sadly you never do. Almost everyone I knew had told me that grade 11 would be harder than matric and I would very much like to throw my every- growing piles of work at them , for they couldn’t have been any more wrong (granted I didn’t as hard as I should have last year and made no changes to my full-proof strategy for high school survival).

Now , however due to  the not so subtle comments from pretty much every family member in existence about how ” it’s matric this year hey , you must work hard” (gee thanks it’s not like I wasn’t aware that my future was at stake or anything , also isn’t it lovely how suddenly your grandmothers second cousin twice removed now is aware that you walk the earth just because you’re in matric) , I sort of lost my point with all those side comments but anyway , these remarks have jolted me into a plan of action and  have left me gnawing at my hair due to devastatingly increased amounts of stress. The fact of the matter is , I have finally changed my ways , it turns out the leopard can change its spots provided that they become overwhelmed by the fear of failure . However , it is not only I who has changed but those around me too.

Here are a few examples :

1.(the most horrific of all) I ACTUALLY DO HOMEWORK

As it turns out doing your homework is beneficial for you (who knew). For the first time in 11 years I feverishly jot down my homework in a diary and when I get home a designated time is assigned as if it were series watching time. My obsession with homework has reached new lengths and somehow I have grown a conscious and feel guilty if my page stares blankly at me . During June exams my very essay in English paper 3 was written from the perspective of homework ( I kid you not). Basically the moral of the story is homework is here to help , don’t leave it to the… .. last minute ( sorry I almost choked typing that because it felt so unnatural).

2. YOU DO WORK IN YOUR FREE LESSONS

Remember the chorus of joyful cheers when you find out that your teacher is absent and you have a free lesson , well this still exists but the lessons are no longer spent chatting away to your friends or reading a captivating book , rather you spend them doing homework or studying or making summaries . Some days in great times of need I found myself praying we had a free lesson just so I could catch up on work.

3. YOU DONT TRY TO DISTRACT YOUR TEACHER ANYMORE

If you go to a normal high school , at some point your class pretended to care about how well your teachers weekend went or started complaining about the school and other teachers just to waste time and avoid doing work , well my dear friends , those days are but distant , hazy memory . The race to complete the syllabus has been made increasingly difficult as the greatest opponent being time seems to be in sync with Usain Bolt. Now , you understand that if you don’t shut up and endure boring lessons it is only you who suffer the consequences (ie. failure)

4. YOUR PARENTS SYMPATHISE WITH YOU

In-between their questions as to whether I have studied or not my parents occasionally provide me with some extra support .

All my favourite study snacks ? sure

Pancakes for breakfast before a chemistry exam ? sure

A massage ? WHY THE HELL NOT?

I advise everyone to play the sympathy ” I am so stressed and overwhelmed” card because it can also be handy in getting out of family functions and chores.

5. YOUR SOCIAL LIFE AND HOBBIES TAKE A BACK SEAT

Not that I have much of a social life anyway , but the little that I did muster has been reduced down to a tiny little speck. The time I would usually spend mindlessly watching tv series or reading is not allocated to homework and sleep ( don’t get me wrong though I am still up to date with everything I assure you). The simple pleasures in life like a sleepy day in is now spent figuring out how to juggle the mess that is your life.

6. THE SLACKERS ARE WORKING

Ever notice that group of people with that “too cool for school attitude” who never did homework , constantly talked during a lesson and winged all their exams ? well they too have had the wake up call and are suddenly the ones “shhing” you .

7. WHATSAPP GROUP CHATS ARE LIKE HOMEWORK CENTRES

Forget discussing the latest news in pop culture now conversations go more along the lines of :

” I need help”

“anyone have the answer to 1.1.4″

” send me a picture of your answer please”

real friends vs fake friends. . Can you F. me the homework Read 6: 18 PM. so real friends send you 1 single paper from a past homework assignment? I prefer fake friends in this case.

Well , that’s all my brain can seem to muster at this point in time . I hope some of you relate to the above mentioned struggles and changes . Most importantly goodluck for the rest of this school year and remember to make the most of what is left ( yes , I went there)

 

The “F” word

Approximately 4 years ago my sister was completing her matric year , the same position in which I find myself in now . Through out the year she came up with her very own “F” word whereby the use of it would result in disastrous consequences . Now what could it possibly be ? Why of course it is the FUTURE.

Who am I?

Ahh yes , the ever so daunting and uncertain future . I fully understand her reluctance to face the future. Change is trapping me in a vortex spinning me around and leaving me with no time to make rational and informed decisions . It comes along in the form of university applications , what do I want do with my life ? My parents and their constant reminders that numbers on a piece of paper determine my future and the scariest of all , the thought of losing my friends and needing to make new ones. It’s only been 3 months into 2015 and I already cant wait for it to be over .

Have you ever heard of a little thing called the INDIAN KID DILEMMA? No ? Well then i am here to inform you of this problem facing millions of students all around the world ( #asianinvasion) . As an indian kid you were raised believing two things

1.) Maths is the key to life

2.) the only acceptable professions are : doctor ,accountant or lawyer

Naturally , you would think that by the 21st century such narrow minded notions would have been abandoned but I fear they still reign supreme. I cant help but agree with the practicality of it all , seeing as maths is important in going further in these professions which do pay wonderfully BUT what happens when you are that one kid who happens to be dismal at maths and share no interest or skill in the above mentioned professions ? Well, then you’re ME.

I have this theory that they force their kids to go off and study these things just so they have bragging rights , like “oh did you hear my youngest is off at medical school” sounds a lot more appealing to the crowd as opposed to ” my youngest is getting a degree in English literature”

For now I just need to take each day as it comes and pray I can successfully convince my parents that my happiness is just as important . The future isn’t going anywhere but I will continue to evade it for as long as I can.

My slow descent into exhaustion

why hello there internet , my dear old neglected pal.

I have missed you so , and yet I have no excuses for my absence , well I have a few but none of them seem sufficient enough. What have I been up to then may you ask ? ( I know you didn’t really ask)

well first up we have the obvious one being matric and all the accompanying stress . You always hear the saying that ‘grade 11 is harder than matric’ , well not even a month in and I believe that to be the biggest load of crap ever . I feel like people say that just to get us to calm down , well no thanks . The rush to finish the syllabus is on and well teachers don’t really care if you have 3 other tests or assignments due on that day , they will pile on more work or tests just for kicks . Next you have your parents pumping you with vitamins and their version of pep talks which is euphemism for if you don’t get 7 A’s you basically failed them. I saw a real change in my life with all these matric talks , the fact that I actually do maths homework now (trust me this is a huge deal) . I also have to casually dodge the “what do you have to study questions” while simultaneously spending hours stalking universities I will never attend. Matric is not all bad is what I tell myself in an effort to sooth my nerves , but it really really is all bad , seeing as my motto has failed miserably . Alas I cannot wait for to it to end .

During my hiatus I also turned 17 (yes I know young to be in my final year of school ,at least if I fail I would be the right age next year) . I am warming up to 17 , the year where cool stuff happens to the lead characters in books ,also giving up the naivety of 16 without accepting the responsibility of 18 and also the age Edward Cullen will remain forever (sorry I had to). Truly the day was amazing despite having double physics at school.

The blazing February heat has sucked more than just the life out of me , along with it went my creativity and will to blog , however next week proves to be exciting with my matric dance taking place ( going dateless of course  but it will provide tons of inspiration for a post at least) . A few other fun things also seem to be on the horizon , including whether or not I make a general knowledge team and the fact that I am an advocate for my school’s “bring back of wifi” campaign , a worthy cause I assure you.

For now I shall retreat back to my phase of denial where I pretend not be in matric and binge watch tv series instead

Thank you German measles

One dreadfully mediocre night a 15 year old girl disease ridden and shunned for having German measles, tried to sleep and yet as usual she was plagued with thoughts and ideas she never dreamed she could share but perhaps in order to put her mind at ease , it was time to start a blog . Then came the 17th of November 2013 , and the rest of the madness had followed.

If you haven’t figured it out by now , today my beloved blog turns one year old , and it has  been by far one of the most surreal experiences in my entire somewhat puny life. Here’s a little backstory , mid way through exams I felt an itch and no it was not one to start a blog but rather I was devastatingly told that I had … you guessed it German measles , and so this meant I couldn’t write exams and was expelled into the depth of a lonely room with a laptop and some food , while others made something of the 10th year in their schooling careers. Writing had always been of great solace to me and what most people don’t know is that this is not my first blog . 12 year old me ventured into the blogger world , depressing bio and all and then completely forgot all about , next was 14 year old me and this blog was a secret , never to be told but like all secrets they have a way of coming out and I was far too afraid about what others had to say about me and so I regrettably deleted it never to be heard of again on cyberspace. Lastly came the caffeinated elfling , a very lame name I might add but just roll with it , it started off being anonymous but I quickly decided it was time to let go ( such a rebel I know).

With this blog I promised to keep updating the world on things they already knew about pop culture and natural disasters and yet I have made it the all about me show , feeling the need to express my irrelevant opinions to the masses and praying you can relate. In honour of my one year in this commited relationship , I want to give you what i promised , some pop culture bites and a short look as to WTF the world is up to now.

Kim breaks the internet but not by sitting on it (close enough though)

In all honesty it shouldn’t come as a surprise that someone who got famous by having a sex tape , is willing to bare it all , even if we believed she was reformed as a mother , I salute you Kim for removing your clothes for money , craving more attention and not giving a shit about the hate.

how does one do that without breaking their back ? trust me I attempted it (This is the only decent one I can allow on here)

Wake me up when the world doesn’t suck this much

Oh hey there didn’t you hear there’s am epidemic called Ebola that all the rich people are deathly afraid of and now the world wants to cut off Africa from the world . What most people fail to realise is that yes while Ebola is a deadly disease more people have died from other causes here in Africa like malaria and lack of access to clean water , but no one creates such a frenzy or uproar over that now do they? However I am guilty too for jumping of the Ebola hype bandwagon here in South Africa , where it’s most likely a new rumour will surface daily , the freakiest thing is in the midst of all this news coverage I started reading ‘The Fifth wave” by Rick Yancey about aliens who take over the earth and one of their “waves” was using Ebola to wipe us out .. yes I was left in complete and utter disarray as this was published mid last year . But I urge people to get educated about the virus and watch the news before making ludicrous comments on that which you do not understand.

Of course there is much more going on the world than just that but I must away and stop procrastinating seeing as measles hasn’t gotten me out of final exams this year. Thank you to any soul who have visited this page even by an accident , and more so if you liked what you read bad grammar and all , also to my friends (that includes you Shekha) for their unwavering support and for being my inspirations.

Here’s to many more years of me entertaining you with my delusions

Accept me , Accept me

Now I know what you’re thinking , is this about society , are they pressuring me to fit in and is my every whim dedicated to appease them in order to be “ACCEPTED” well no , not quite , we shall save that post for another day . Today comes a hot topic swirling around me since June , university acceptance , the overwhelming choices that can make or break my uncertain future. Not exactly fun to have these thoughts and fears colliding in my feeble mind . However I cant escape the fact that time is catching up on me , and I have about a year left of high school.

monsters university

It doesn’t help that being the last child means being the carrier of the expectation torch for your parents and trying to make them as proud as possible , and of course there is always friends and will our friendship sustain despite distances and decisions.

The main inhibiting factor however is confusion , as mentioned before I am completely lost on what to study and do with my life and this could be a problem as I apply to university with my grade 11 results early next year. Why don’t I get to backpack around Europe for a year to “find myself” ?

However instead of studying and getting my act together here I am procrastinating and celebrating the fact that I have made it one more year successfully doing nothing in maths besides staring out the window and getting yelled at for eating in class. The depressing weather which I do love has the ability to make me think about life , the universe and existence in general. At the tender age of 10 I decided that I wanted to study at Oxford University , and alas my high hopes were crushed when finding out that you had to have an existing degree and be invited to study there , but that didn’t stop me from writing and performing a play where I was a student. That is a major question as well : TO LEAVE OR NOT TO LEAVE?
My dreams of overseas studying were also dashed of quickly due to not having about a hundred grand for each year lying around , so all that remains is leaving Durban and having a new adventure . As much as I crave independence , home always has a special place in my heart because well no one makes Biryani quite like my mother.Untitled | via Tumblr

To end of I would just like to ask anyone reading this to keep me in your prayers and you will be in mine , I have also decided to build up my immune system and avoid contracting a contagious infection like measles last year and causally missing final exams .

‪#‎finalsweek‬ | via Facebook

The colour blue

What is life without the most pleasing sight of colour? I suppose we should ask dogs about that , for their dreary existences are seen in nothing more then vintage black and white. More importantly , what is the colour blue? Why , it is my favourite color , calm , peaceful , serene , vibrant too yet , now, it haunts me.

The day was like any other , monotonous routine before school was to be carried out , the colour blue following me everywhere I went. It appeared in a shade of navy as I zipped up my always-too-long skirt , luminous in the form of my mug that enclosed the magic elixir known as coffee , boring and regular as I glanced over at my physics notes and mostly sky blue for nothing other than the vast sky above.

The mere thought of having to go school and write one of Mr Moodley’s infamous killer Physics tests , made me want to quit school and join the circus (as cliché as it gets). The likelihood of me surviving circus life however seemed less promising that the chances of me passing my physics test . The only way to truly lift my spirits , with minimal damage to my well-being was to waste a ton of money at the tuck shop.

With my decision made , I hurried up the stairs , bag and general file in hand , to make sure I had enough time to sneak out some cash and meet my mother’s standards of arriving at school on time , also know as the crack of dawn. In the rush , I laid down my bag and file and dug out my secret stash , only to realise much to my horror that it was gone . My beautiful , crisp , almost metallic blue R100 notes , were gone.

I guess you could say I was feeling a bit blue about my current predicament , but in my twirl of madness out the door , I masked my sadness. Only after ten minutes in the stuffy car did I notice the absenve of my general file. It was far too late for mother to go back (6:40 AM) and the giant silver prison gates were already in my direct line of sight.

I took my mother’s advice and called my father , praying he could bring my life source to school on time.

“It’s a big blue file , lying in the study,” I hurriedly told him

“Blue? I only see a green one!” he yelled back

” Oh my god , seriously , bright blue , not GREEN , just bring it!” I raged on.

That was it , the last conversation I had with my father , the argument over whether my glaringly obvious blue file , was in fact blue or green.

AUTHORS NOTE: This was written as a practise essay in class during English and inspired by true events minus my dad dying though.