Being the Ringmaster to the circus within my brain

While my life can very much be compared to a duller version of a circus and I do have a cat more than willing to jump through fiery hoops(sans animal cruelty), it is the one lurking within, that I address. Controlling and chaotic, feverishly entertaining and yet, dark enough to depress.

It starts with the seamless orchestration of this idea of perfection I have in mind. There is no room for error. I am performing acrobatic leaps of an irrational nature- reaching new bounds. Your friends secretly hate you. A B? pathetic really.

I juggle too. Happiness, reality and my goals. While one soars high above, the others remain compromised. Happiness rarely gets a chance at the top.In between acts, a clown appears to taunt me for my stupidity. Handkerchiefs for my tears and a red nose swapped out for red eyes.

I bend and contort myself to please others, resembling whatever shape they desire.Really, I am suffocating, trapped amongst my thoughts, never thinking outside the box I let society put me in.The adrenaline pumping, my heart furiously punching out of my chest and an audience, cheering, mesmerized by how close I walk the tightrope of failure. Warm popcorn and sticky candyfloss packets, stay littered like stray thoughts, fulfilling in the moment, trash in retrospect.

It is to you I bow my hat and curtsy, my mind. Wracked by anxiety and paranoia, putting on this dazzling show. Extravagant lights and a red topped tent. You invite people to cheer on the charade. The price of a ticket?Why only a portion of my happiness

 

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