The Types of Group chats

As a self-proclaimed group chat junkie, with roughly 40 graced with my membership, I think I am more than qualified to pen a post on the many types of group chats that plague our text-based society. These nifty social tools have brought some of the best people into my life.

The immediate family group chat

This usually includes mum, dad and your siblings. The daily messages entail random broadcasts, dinner plans, pictures of nieces and nephews and the occasional “put your light off/ PLEASE BRING TAKE-OUT”. Recently, my dad’s new hobby is digging up my childhood pictures and meme-ing me.

The extended family group chat

Here, we branch out to cousins, uncles and the one grandparent who isn’t wifi-challenged. It is a hotbed for hoax messages, subtle brags about your auntie’s son’s nephew who got straight A’s but not into med school because of that darn BEE(ps this is me mocking the Indian entitlement with regards to admission, not agreeing). This also happens to be the home of cringe-inducing memes that should have died on Facebook, in 2009.

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The main friend group chat 

Yes, boys, this where the screenshots of your messages are circulated and picked apart, the dragging goes down and the crying laughing emoji is in great abundance. This chat is the glue to my fragile being.

The campus friend group chat

Common messages include: “are you on campus yet?” , ” you free?”, “shot for the invite to that thing the rest of you attended”

The degree related group chat

You probably hate half the people on this group chat but stay for that one smart and kind person who is willing to shares notes and tips.

  • Anyone got notes for section 2.2.1?
  • Sign the register for me
  • Which venue is the test in?

The high school friend group chat

You may feel bad to leave. It’s perfect to vent about the girl you collectively despised and had an awkward run-in with at the grocery store. The lit-ness also drastically increases during holiday periods.

The one you made for a meet-up and forgot to leave

I really don’t know why I haven’t left this yet

The fandom group chat

Here it is completely okay to share kdrama stills, game of thrones spoilers and BTS gifs. It is a safe haven for unhinged fangirls.

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The three-person group chat

Humans by nature are exclusive beings, sometimes having just three people feels right and people have different interests and levels of tolerance. Statistically, these are the most successful group chats, yes, I made up that statistic.

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The one you made on a whim that no one really one talks on anymore

SELF- EXPLANATORY

The internet friend group chat

This chat keeps my soul alive. Book recommendations and home remedies are shared,  story times fill our nights with spice and we just support each other, no matter the distance.

Group chats have revolutionised social circles and not being in the “one” can have drastic self-esteem ramifications (well, at least for me). For a lazy person such as myself, not having to type out the same message to my all of three friends is perfect, even if no one replies when we try to make plans and all of them are muted. Shoutout to twitter, snapchat and Instagram for also allowing me to send tweets and posts, it really has facilitated conversation in the modern age and lastly, to the addictive “tag urself” memes for having a persona for every member. Long live the inside jokes no one else will get and make sure you send those messages to the right chat.

 

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2017 In A Nutshell

Normally, I’d begin this post with a one-line witty sum up of the year, but 2017 truly cannot be summed up. It was a whirlwind of emotions, with Donald Trump at the helm of the free world, Kardashians falling pregnant, K-pop going global, Robots gaining citizenship and a much-needed end to years of silence. In a personal sphere, it has been a year of immense emotional growth, but this isn’t about me, but rather my love, POP CULTURE. As always, the winners in each category were chosen by yours truly and are well-researched to take into account popularity, but are also heavily biased.

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Song Of The Year: It was so overplayed, that I genuinely feel ill when I hear it. So love it or hate it, you cannot deny that it was everywhere this year. Yes, you sang along while not knowing the words and trying fidget spinner tricks.

Despacito- Lusi Fonsi, Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber

Honorable mention: MANS NOT HOT

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Best Movie: Logan.

Yes, scorn and fury are being flung at me, but I needed the pick to be something I actually watched and enjoyed this year. It was a terribly satisfying end to Hugh Jackman’s reign as Wolverine and more human, ironically than any superhero film I’ve watched.It was an all-around, commercial and critical success that pleased fans, that in its own right is a huge feat.

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Worst Movie: The Emoji Movie.

The concept alone is a deterrent, and that’s all I have to say considering I did not actually watch it. To aid my feelings, a critic humorously described it as “a force of insidious evil”

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Best Animation: Coco

Despite being a moderate rip-off of The Book of Life, the match made in heaven, Disney and Pixar continue to deliver heartwarming and beautifully captivating stories worthy of acclaim. Animation as a whole was disappointing, so I was also forced to slot this in here because it was better than let’s say, Golden Globe-nominated Boss Baby (I don’t get it either)

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Actor Of The Year: Mahershala Ali

Technically both Moonlight and Hidden Figures (2 of his Oscar Nominated films) were released in 2016, but his award-winning streak took off early this year and was so well deserved. Granted his success came later on in his life and acting career, nevertheless he is a beacon of hope, talented and the first Muslim Oscar Winner.

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Actress Of The Year: Zendaya

The spirited 21-year-old is hot off the Disney mill and already landing leading lady roles. Imagine your first movie being Spiderman? To top off her year, she contorted herself in Oscar-baiting The Greatest Showman. Her wits, striking features, unmatched fashion sense and passion and advocacy for Justice makes her truly one to watch in the years to come.

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Scandal: Ronan Farrow let the proverbial cat out of the bag and unleashed a domino chain of events when it came to exposing Hollywood’s sexual assault underbelly. Much like the meme, I was disappointed but not surprised. People I respected and admired were cancelled out, and all I have to offer is my support, thoughts and prayers to the victims, both men and women who have spoken out or chosen to remain silent. You are valid and you are believed. I hope more people gain the courage to come forward and that drastic repercussions are put in place for the perpetrators.

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Viral Sensation: Shooting Stars meme

Don’t ask me why I found floating cutouts of people in space to futuristic music, I just did and so did the rest of the world. If I am honest, I think 2017 might be the beginning of the true meme renaissance, the quality this year was unparalleled.

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While 2017 was not shrouded in the same doom and gloom that made 2016 oh so memorable, it was not a particularly great year for the world either, I am not here to depress, merely offer unnecessary social commentary, we have the news for all the sad stuff.

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My final thoughts (yes, Tammy(Tomi Lahren) inspired) are that I hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas and New Year, may you be as blessed as Asad, avoid following any strange clowns into gutters, salt your meat, don’t forget to have nothing but respect for your presidents and let’s hope the world is much better off in 3017.

That time I did a makeup haul- NOT CLICKBAIT

DISCLAIMER: This post is to humorously bring light to the hypocrisy and falsehoods prevalent amongst the beauty community and in a satirical manner.Personally, I would know nothing about makeup without bloggers and YouTubers and love watching their hauls, tutorials and reviews, however some are more trustworthy than others. Take this with a pinch of salt and a good laugh.

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*lights scented candle amongst myriads of fairy lights to set mood*

Hello my lovelies,

As you all know I am well known South-African based beauty blogger and the basis of piggybacked opinions by dozens of impressionable viewers. This  haul will features almost everything necessary for a full face of makeup and will include a variety of high-end(not available here at any reasonable price or ease) and drugstore, because we don’t discriminate based on budget- just skin colour. I reserve the right to tell you whether or not I received any of the products for free.

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To set the stage for the master illusion, start off with a good pore-filling primer. My holy-grail is the Benefit Pore-fessional, as it really showcases how poorly professional I can be and fills in the crevices of my facade, with the added bonus of making it last for 16 hours.

Next, we move on to Foundation, with every layer lighter than my neck, I build up a bigger, deluded fan-base. I use the L’oreal- pro matte- infallible of course, much like myself.

Concealer is possibly most important, fortunately for me I can skip the orangey-red colour corrector for dark circles because I don’t lose sleep over the lies I pedal, however a generous layer of LA girl PRO (what I like to think I am) to mask imperfections usually does the trick. But I am not sure if anyone is baked enough to take me seriously.

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Now, it is all about blending seamlessly into the crowd of typical beauty gurus, never standing out- generic. I have the choice of dabbing(original beauty blender) or swiitch(ing) it up and brushing(Real Techniques) away the haters.

You know, way back when I was one of those girls who probably bullied other girls for having thick bushy brows, but look at me now trying to emulate them, stroke by stroke thanks to Anastasia’s Brow Wiz that she didn’t even need Hogwarts to create.

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For the real deception, we focus on the eyes- the windows to the soul after all. The lies hidden in the shadows of my Tarte pallets. The glitter to dazzle and enchant. The roller lash mascara forming clumps- much like cliquey bloggers, the trusty glue to the falsies holding together my false claims and lastly the perfect winged liner using Kat Von D’s Trooper- aptly named to describe my fans.

Once all colour in my face has seemingly been lost, it is time to contour- gently carving out affiliate codes with Benefit’s Hoola Bronzer, a dash of NYX dusty rose blush- be careful not to be pricked by its thorns and lastly the glow to blind all reason- intoxicatingly luminous Champagne Pop by Becca and my dearest bestie Jaclyn Hill (I wish).

To perfectly bring this look into fruition, I’d go with a bright coral colour like beeper  from colourpop to distract you from how much time you’ve wasted reading this and to really lock it all in, I use Urban Decay All-Nighter, so the lies don’t budge.

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That’s it for this weeks haul, please subscribe and give me those beautiful likes from your beautiful faces.

Au revoir.

 

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I(2016) would very much like to be excluded from this narrative

I came into this world as the clock struck 12 on January 1st 2016. I was celebrated and embraced, kisses and fireworks marked my entrance and I watched silently as foolish resolutions were made in my name. Amy, Jess, Pri, have you guys reached your goal weight yet? Mark, have you quit smoking? Are all of you going to blame every event ever in the known universe on me?

I am just a regular year, run of the mill, truly and inexplicably ordinary, but it seemed out of all the years, I really drew the short straw. But humankind really is the dramatic sort, I didn’t bring you the plague, any world war or even bring back bootleg jeans(not that they’re on the same level as mass deaths  but you get my point)

Why does nobody remember the good I have bestowed upon your feeble kind, like the fact that world hunger has reached an all time low in 25 years or the that many endangered species experienced rejuvenation and how Beyoncé released Lemonade and had all of you “SHOOK”. Conveniently forgot to remember this? Didn’t bother to read the myriad articles of articles detailing my excellence? Of course not, you were too busy making me your Gregorian scapegoat. I have this urge to sue you all for character defamation , but it would just add to the list of reasons why I am villainized.

Look, let me reason with you, the bad things and yes I do acknowledge the bad things. were far beyond my control. Trump is a bigoted force of nature, The United Kingdom a country of emotionless pasty faces were bound to screw up at some point and well the angel of death certainly had it out for Hollywood.

However, I am the understanding sort and I see your need to allocate blame as a coping mechanism and so have decided to accept all your personal terrible choices, grand catastrophes, slew of deaths and many many twitter trends as my final act of kindness before I cease to exist. My good old friend 2017, who is soon to enter your lives might not be as receptive , no matter how much positivity you seem to throw at it.

In my parting words to you, I urge you to remember be as more than just the worst year ever and have a little sympathy for all the hate that I endured  only to pacify your feelings.Take comfort in knowing that I am at an end but take heed for what might follow.

 

Yours truly,

NOT THE WORST YEAR EVER

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(It is I, the author of this and 2016 IS THE WORST YEAR EVER IT FREAKING SUCKED, BYE)