Being the Ringmaster to the circus within my brain

While my life can very much be compared to a duller version of a circus and I do have a cat more than willing to jump through fiery hoops(sans animal cruelty), it is the one lurking within, that I address. Controlling and chaotic, feverishly entertaining and yet, dark enough to depress.

It starts with the seamless orchestration of this idea of perfection I have in mind. There is no room for error. I am performing acrobatic leaps of an irrational nature- reaching new bounds. Your friends secretly hate you. A B? pathetic really.

I juggle too. Happiness, reality and my goals. While one soars high above, the others remain compromised. Happiness rarely gets a chance at the top.In between acts, a clown appears to taunt me for my stupidity. Handkerchiefs for my tears and a red nose swapped out for red eyes.

I bend and contort myself to please others, resembling whatever shape they desire.Really, I am suffocating, trapped amongst my thoughts, never thinking outside the box I let society put me in.The adrenaline pumping, my heart furiously punching out of my chest and an audience, cheering, mesmerized by how close I walk the tightrope of failure. Warm popcorn and sticky candyfloss packets, stay littered like stray thoughts, fulfilling in the moment, trash in retrospect.

It is to you I bow my hat and curtsy, my mind. Wracked by anxiety and paranoia, putting on this dazzling show. Extravagant lights and a red topped tent. You invite people to cheer on the charade. The price of a ticket?Why only a portion of my happiness

 

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The anti-lifestyle blog

Blogging culture in recent years has exploded, every second person on Instagram reviews makeup or cafes and is doing an elaborate giveaway with an up and coming brand. I am proud of their success and at times, yes, a little envious,  because I too would like to enjoy the fruits of free stuff- I am Indian after all. I have, however, resided myself to the fact, that I will never be able to maintain such a facade. A self-proclaimed hermit studying tirelessly- in between binging new series and not living my best life. My life is too mundane to grace your feeds with that perfectly timed aesthetic coffee shot(You know, the one where you had to rearrange the sugar bowl and ask your friend to move their hand out of the shot). If you want to know my days usually go, well, you are in for a wild, thrilling and utterly boring ride.

7-8 AM- usually get out of bed, scroll through social media for a good few minutes. Breakfast is toast and butter or on the days when I’m watching my chiseled physique- special K, otherwise known as flavoured cardboard.

How to get my look: own a pair or jeans, loose culottes or tights and pair it with a collared shirt(the ones that were in like 3 years ago) or if you are at home- comfy sweats and literally any t-shirt with an ironic/ quirky saying. Sometimes a fangirl shirt- where maybe 5 people compliment you and the rest stare in bemusement.

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On my way to campus: It’s time for me to send my daily scheduled “I hate my life, I’d like this day to end” snapchat(with the latest adorable filter) to my many adoring fans( A.K.A my friends who have no choice but to entertain my whims). Sometimes, I throw in a ridiculous pun or two

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9-12: I try my hardest not to fall asleep in lectures and ask myself at least three times, why I pay half a home loan to have people read slides to me in a monotonous, monotone voice. On days off, I am probably on my fifth episode of the day and or still asleep.

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1-2: Ahh lunch, last night’s leftovers, a cheese sandwich or savouries, Mighty appetizing, totally worth the gram.

Late afternoon: I get home, seek out my cat who runs away from me and has more of a social life and then proceed to nap away my misery.

Evening: the overwhelming existential crisis strikes, I contemplate dropping out of uni and marrying a rich old billionaire or getting off my ass and starting to study for my test or doing the tut I am itching to skip.

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Supper: Depends on my mother’s mood and level of “today I want to outdo all the other mothers and try a new kitchen queen’s recipe” or here have toasted cheese.

The hours before I drift into nothingness: scroll, scroll, hahaha funny meme, sends to/tags friend. More memes, tweet something no one else finds funny or cares about, scroll, scroll, existential crisis part 2 because I read about Trump’s presidency or literally anything in the news, shade someone, scroll, scroll.

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PEACEFUL SLUMBER: dreams of meeting my favourite South Asian actors and or an irrelevant twitter crush.

So there you have it, friends. My hauls include hauling myself out of bed, a review of that person I tried not to make eye contact with and products used: the most important of all and highly coveted: WILL TO LIVE.

Disclaimer: while this is, in fact, how most of my days end up, I love fashion, makeup and trying out cute cafes- I just do it far less often than I would like. 

 

That time I did a makeup haul- NOT CLICKBAIT

DISCLAIMER: This post is to humorously bring light to the hypocrisy and falsehoods prevalent amongst the beauty community and in a satirical manner.Personally, I would know nothing about makeup without bloggers and YouTubers and love watching their hauls, tutorials and reviews, however some are more trustworthy than others. Take this with a pinch of salt and a good laugh.

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*lights scented candle amongst myriads of fairy lights to set mood*

Hello my lovelies,

As you all know I am well known South-African based beauty blogger and the basis of piggybacked opinions by dozens of impressionable viewers. This  haul will features almost everything necessary for a full face of makeup and will include a variety of high-end(not available here at any reasonable price or ease) and drugstore, because we don’t discriminate based on budget- just skin colour. I reserve the right to tell you whether or not I received any of the products for free.

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To set the stage for the master illusion, start off with a good pore-filling primer. My holy-grail is the Benefit Pore-fessional, as it really showcases how poorly professional I can be and fills in the crevices of my facade, with the added bonus of making it last for 16 hours.

Next, we move on to Foundation, with every layer lighter than my neck, I build up a bigger, deluded fan-base. I use the L’oreal- pro matte- infallible of course, much like myself.

Concealer is possibly most important, fortunately for me I can skip the orangey-red colour corrector for dark circles because I don’t lose sleep over the lies I pedal, however a generous layer of LA girl PRO (what I like to think I am) to mask imperfections usually does the trick. But I am not sure if anyone is baked enough to take me seriously.

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Now, it is all about blending seamlessly into the crowd of typical beauty gurus, never standing out- generic. I have the choice of dabbing(original beauty blender) or swiitch(ing) it up and brushing(Real Techniques) away the haters.

You know, way back when I was one of those girls who probably bullied other girls for having thick bushy brows, but look at me now trying to emulate them, stroke by stroke thanks to Anastasia’s Brow Wiz that she didn’t even need Hogwarts to create.

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For the real deception, we focus on the eyes- the windows to the soul after all. The lies hidden in the shadows of my Tarte pallets. The glitter to dazzle and enchant. The roller lash mascara forming clumps- much like cliquey bloggers, the trusty glue to the falsies holding together my false claims and lastly the perfect winged liner using Kat Von D’s Trooper- aptly named to describe my fans.

Once all colour in my face has seemingly been lost, it is time to contour- gently carving out affiliate codes with Benefit’s Hoola Bronzer, a dash of NYX dusty rose blush- be careful not to be pricked by its thorns and lastly the glow to blind all reason- intoxicatingly luminous Champagne Pop by Becca and my dearest bestie Jaclyn Hill (I wish).

To perfectly bring this look into fruition, I’d go with a bright coral colour like beeper  from colourpop to distract you from how much time you’ve wasted reading this and to really lock it all in, I use Urban Decay All-Nighter, so the lies don’t budge.

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That’s it for this weeks haul, please subscribe and give me those beautiful likes from your beautiful faces.

Au revoir.

 

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I(2016) would very much like to be excluded from this narrative

I came into this world as the clock struck 12 on January 1st 2016. I was celebrated and embraced, kisses and fireworks marked my entrance and I watched silently as foolish resolutions were made in my name. Amy, Jess, Pri, have you guys reached your goal weight yet? Mark, have you quit smoking? Are all of you going to blame every event ever in the known universe on me?

I am just a regular year, run of the mill, truly and inexplicably ordinary, but it seemed out of all the years, I really drew the short straw. But humankind really is the dramatic sort, I didn’t bring you the plague, any world war or even bring back bootleg jeans(not that they’re on the same level as mass deaths  but you get my point)

Why does nobody remember the good I have bestowed upon your feeble kind, like the fact that world hunger has reached an all time low in 25 years or the that many endangered species experienced rejuvenation and how Beyoncé released Lemonade and had all of you “SHOOK”. Conveniently forgot to remember this? Didn’t bother to read the myriad articles of articles detailing my excellence? Of course not, you were too busy making me your Gregorian scapegoat. I have this urge to sue you all for character defamation , but it would just add to the list of reasons why I am villainized.

Look, let me reason with you, the bad things and yes I do acknowledge the bad things. were far beyond my control. Trump is a bigoted force of nature, The United Kingdom a country of emotionless pasty faces were bound to screw up at some point and well the angel of death certainly had it out for Hollywood.

However, I am the understanding sort and I see your need to allocate blame as a coping mechanism and so have decided to accept all your personal terrible choices, grand catastrophes, slew of deaths and many many twitter trends as my final act of kindness before I cease to exist. My good old friend 2017, who is soon to enter your lives might not be as receptive , no matter how much positivity you seem to throw at it.

In my parting words to you, I urge you to remember be as more than just the worst year ever and have a little sympathy for all the hate that I endured  only to pacify your feelings.Take comfort in knowing that I am at an end but take heed for what might follow.

 

Yours truly,

NOT THE WORST YEAR EVER

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(It is I, the author of this and 2016 IS THE WORST YEAR EVER IT FREAKING SUCKED, BYE)

2016 in a nutshell

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Finally, we have reached the pinnacle end to the traumatic disgrace of a year that is 2016. Honestly, personally and publicly this year has been an absolute suck fest, but I did feel better knowing I was not alone in this. Alas, my yearly round-up is here to summarize a few pop culture tidbits. I have done extensive research and put tons of thought into my choices (this is a lie but you will deal)

Song Of The Year: I usually can never choose just one, so here are two songs that were probably overplayed on the radio and still linger in your head:

Closer- The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey

Black Beatles- Rae Sremmurd ft.Gucci Mane (THAT GIRL IS A REAL ROUND PIZZA)

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Best Movie: Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them

Call me unjust and biased and I will merely shrug it off, because this movie is the true shining gem of 2016. It captivated audiences and while feeling familiar was breathtakingly new. Newt charmed us with awkwardness and wit, the niffler stole our hearts, Credence demanded our hugs and JK Rowling went to the bank with our money. If you’re sceptical about this one, just give it a try and I hope you won’t be disappointed.

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Worst Movie: Sausage Party 

Great concept I am sure, but traumatic and distasteful nevertheless.

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Best Animation: Zootopia

This movie wins hands down for me, it managed to capture delightful puns, important social messages, adorable animals and catchy tunes.  It is truly the perfect formula for a winning animation for all ages to enjoy.

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Actor Of The Year: Rami Malek

Usually, I choose an up and coming movie star , but this year I will hand it to T.V. The now Emmy winner (FIRST PoC WINNER FOR BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA IN 18 YEARS(as long as I have been alive))  first made me swoon years ago in Night At The Museum , then surprised and perplexed me as Elliot Alderson and will soon gain ultimate stardom by portraying iconic Queen frontman Freddie Mercury (so damn glad the role went to a PoC). Rami is talented and successful a true trailblazer to keep an eye out on.

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Actress Of The Year: Margot Robbie

As much as I hate to admit it, the screen siren stole the screen this year most notably with her perfectly demented portrayal of Harley Quinn. This Hollywood “It girl” is more than here to stay.

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Scandal: Kim Kardashian/ Taylor Swift video feud

I do not have the time to rehash this whole entire mess and honestly I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative.

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Viral Sensation: Mannequin Challenge

CAN THIS STOP ALREADY, I AM TIRED. YOU HEARD ME, STAND STILL AND JUST DONT MOVE EVER OKAY LIKE EVER. STOP.

Joke Of The Year: Donald Trump being elected President Of The “Free World”

Oh, how I wish this was a real joke but as seen, clowns are running around ruining lives and this is no exception. My mind hasn’t fully grasped the concept of American idiocy. This is quite possibly the most 2016 thing to ever happen, only time will tell what the ominous future holds.

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GREAT LOSSES: WHO WASN’T TAKEN FROM US THIS YEAR???

R.I.P ALWAYS

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Alright, I give up I am going to gloss up my lips with my non-existent Kylie Lip Kit, throw some shade, take some L’s , dab away the sadness and try to pick up the shard remnants of my life in 2016. I hope it treated you better than it did the world.

Hello, it’s me.

Yes , it is still I, your loyal but not so present elfling just with a new look . It just seemed time for a change what with my impending existential crisis soon to follow. This new me comes with a few announcements and proclamations too.

I am no longer 15 years old , what a surprise I know . No longer filled with high school woes or an eagerness to blog , and I also drink green tea(caffeine is caffeine) now and care about makeup ( OH THE HORROR- that is no longer my face). The younger me would be so appalled at the current state of this blog and my life, I am pretty sure she would be drafting a post already. I have let this seep into the crevices , ignored and only there when I have a rare surge of energy and enough is enough.

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I think I applied this to my blog instead

This blog demands my attention. I am more confused than I have ever been and I probably need one of those years off to go find myself in Europe but unfortunately I am both broke and not white , instead I have my words , a source of solace and contentment that I now intend to make full use of. Be prepared for a flurry of thoughts , reviews and those fun posts too ( a shrine to my former work).

A promise to myself and to my readers if any , is to post biweekly and if not I hope to be expelled to the deepest , darkest parts of the internet for my most deceitful betrayal. Lastly , it feels good to be filled with a need to write again and I hope it makes me feel better in this weird and messy part of my life ( oh , look, positivity , that’s new) and thank you to Juwie for the exceptional artwork , it was definitely the push I needed. Your loyal elfling is here to stay, Insha Allah.

 

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This is ever so cheesy and yet is all I ever want to say

 

My reaction to Star Wars : Episode 4 (1977)

I can hear the flurry of scorn and insults thrown at me ” YOU VALUE POP CULTURE AND YET YOU HAVE NEVER WATCHED STAR WARS” . Unfortunately being born in 1998 means I missed the whole buzz and my parents were never really bring on the franchise , so it slipped out of my narrow grasp. Sure , I know the most famous spoilers that shook the very beings of its time , but really I had no deep burning desire to delve further into this universe . That is until , 2015 happened and a new movie would be released to mass critical praise and audience appeal . Was I going to let myself sit on the sidelines as it dominated all areas of pop culture ? No , I simply could not. So , today after multiple days of procrastination , I finally watched the first movie and these are my internal monologue of thoughts throughout

  • in a galaxy far far away – cool , cool iconic stuff
  • why is the information slanted how am I supposed to read this ?
  • the effects are surprisingly good for its time
  • storm troopers look like the peacekeepers from The Hunger Games (so technically peacekeepers are the rip-offs)
  • WHY DOES DARTH VADER BREATH SO HEAVILY
  • Princess Leia was rocking those buns way before Miley , they remind me of cinnabon , so I am going to call them cinnabuns
  • I see so much of myself in C-3PO , the skeptic nature and anxiety
  • “we seem to be made to suffer. It’s out lot in life” – preach C-3PO , preach
  • okay the things that kidnapped R2-D2 look like pre-schoolers in robes and sound a lot like the minions – like scarily alike
  • I ship the bromance between R2 and C-3PO
  • so people and aliens ride tame dinosaurs here? cool
  • is that an igloo on a barren planet ?
  • LUKE !! – POP CULTURE TINGLES GO INTO A FRENZY
  • so the droids are sold into slavery ? this seems like droid trafficking to me.
  • also , Luke stop finding your sister pretty (yes , another great spoiler)
  • WHO IS THIS OBI-WAN KENOBI?
  • all this talk about Luke’s dad and I want to yell “LUKE , I AM YOUR FATHER” . The greatest spoiler known to man
  • Luke stares into the sunset with that whole hero mindset vibe
  • okay so this old guy that saves Luke is obviously Obi
  • how right was I
  • LIGHTSABERS ARE SO FREAKING COOL
  • Talking about how dead Luke’s father is and I can’t help but snicker
  • Is the empire a metaphor for something ? corporations , commercialism , government  corruption?
  • the guy next to Vader has now been nicknamed general cheekbones
  • OH POOR LUKE ,I SEE SKELETONS
  • ‘These aren’t the droids you’re looking for’ – again I have heard this before , nice to finally place it into context
  • the force feels like when a vampire compels someone
  • the whole bar scene feels like someone smoked marijuana and is currently hallucinating
  • CHEWBACCA
  • jazz aliens – retro
  • INDIANA JON- I MEAN-HARRIS- HAN SOLO , I MEAN HAN SOLO
  • did he just kill something and no one around cares? Casual
  • is jabba like an intergalactic mob boss? He looks like an overgrown slug
  •  Han just called Jabba a wonderful “human being” , I went back to check if I heard correctly , I did , wtf?
  • laser beams ,drama , luke being whiny
  • poof , there goes a whole planet I had no attachment to
  • chewy and R2 are playing space chess ? This reminds me of wizard chess
  • Is believing in the force like believing in a God?
  • OKAY SO SHIZ JUST WENT DOWN AND THEY ARE GOING TOWARDS VADER AND GENERAL CHEEKBONES
  • wow stromtroopers did such a thorough search (sarcasm)
  • Okay so Obi is going off to do Obi type things
  • Luke is getting all heroic and Leia is his damsel in distress apparently
  • Han gives no shits whatsoever , did I mention I really like Han
  • YASS CHEWY SLAY DEM TROOPERS SLAY
  • Hans answering under crisis is my favourite thing ‘ oh we’re fine so fine , how are you ‘ ‘we’re sending a troop up’ ‘oh no wait we have a gas leak’

  • Darth and Obi face off to come
  • GO LEIA SLAY GURL SLAY – BE YOUR OWN HERO ,YOU DON’T NEED NO MAN
  • I ship Hans and Leia – cue internet yelling at me for focusing on ships and not the character’s role in the epic story , just leave me and my hopeless romantic shipper heart alone.
  • so they’re in some type of sewer trash type place and ANACONDA IS THAT YOU?
  • LUKE , WHERE YOU AT BOY?
  • C-3PO  is my spirit animal
  • ” big walking carpet”- 1000 crying laughter face emojis
  • obi walks around with no disguise and no one questions him or notices? Normal , very normal.
  • laser beam here , laser beam there , laser beam everywhere.
  • some boderline incestual contact there with the siblings
  • okay confrontation , lightsabers at the ready
  • * 2 minutes later* – still fighting no actual winner
  • WHERE YOU AT OBI?
  • side note : Leia was in a trash shoot why is her dress so pristine and white still? Does space have non-stain fabric because I could use that
  • ALL A PLOY – PLOT TWIST
  • Leia is a smarticle
  • boring stuff …
  • Obi speaks from beyond
  • plane stuff .. boring .. boring..
  • DARTH VADER TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
  • ACTION , MORE ACTION
  • HAN CAME BACK YO
  • R2 YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS
  • Luke being all heroic – naturally
  • chewy deserves a medal of valour too
  • HAPPY ENDING ???
  • I’M CONFUSE

To round up , I geniunely enjoyed watching this movie and saw myself in C-3PO . I fangirled plenty over Han and Leia’s witty banter and the general whimsical and highly original nature of the tale , you can see the tremendous hard-work and love poured into this work of art. I will further venture into this franchise and be proud that I can finally understand all the jokes and references . I hope you enjoyed my terrible monologue

 

2015 in a nutshell

It’s that time of the year again where we are so close to the end that we can finally round all the good and bad that occurred in this short but relevant space of time. These choices will be based on obviously my own biased opinion and strenuous research ( I TAKE MY POP CULTURE SERIOUSLY).

SONG OF THE YEAR

This is a tough one for obvious reasons and sadly , after much deliberation , I CHEATED and chose two.

Watch me (Whip/Nae Nae) – SILENTO

It is beyond me how this became as popular as it did despite being created by a 17 year old , but hey it defined an entire year and that is pretty stank-ing amazing.

naenae

Can’t feel my face – The Weeknd

This song was only played on every radio station about 499 times per day naturally, having links to cocaine , it sure is an addictive tune.

BEST/ WORST/ ANIMATED MOVIES

BEST: Mad Max : Fury Road

I personally have no idea what goes on in this movie and haven’t watched it yet but if ratings are something to go by this sure was a winner. Look out for badass females ,  magnificent explosions and Tom Hardy.

WORST : Pixels

It stars Adam Sandler , need I say more?

 

ANIMATED : Inside Out

The movie that proved Pixar could be great again . It was wonderfully imaginative , featured a talented voice cast and literally brought THE FEELS.

BREAKOUT ACTOR/ ACTRESS

ACTOR : Eddie Redmayne

Slightly ginger , dashing British accent  and has killer cheekbones . This guy is hot off the heels winning both an Oscar and a Golden Globe for his perfomance in The Theory of everything and facing a new wave of nominations for The Danish Girl . He is also set to star in the Harry Potter prequel of sorts Fantastic Beasts and where to find them and I for one cannot wait.

ACTRESS: Alicia Vikander

I see you wondering who the heck I could be referring to ,but trust me you will want to remember this talented Swede’s name . She starred in the critically accalimed cyber thriller Ex-Machina , garnered a Golden Globe nomination for The Danish Girl and happens to be dating the uber sexy Michael Fassbender . She is going to do big things with her acting career , I guarantee it.

VIRAL SENSATION : The Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge

The youngest Jenner is infamous for larger than life , albeit fake lips and many tried to recreate this look and the results were terrifying. The entrepreneur Kylie , used this publicity to launch a lip kit but I can’t help but wonder if she decided to include her plastic surgeon’s number in there too.

THIS YEAR BELONGED TO : Gigi Hadid , Catlyn Jenner and Taylor Swift

I would be more than okay never having to hear these names again after being bombarded by them all year.

BADASS :  Akon

He made it possible for 600 million Africans to have access to electricity . YES , I DO BELIEVE HELPING PEOPLE IS BADASS.

GREATEST COMEBACK : Justin Bieber and Adele

Me :Hello , it’s me

you : what do you mean?

Justin’s image was on the road to redemption before releasing his new album Purpose which is surprisingly catchy and now we have new beliebers floating in , when they previously hated his music. Adele , however smashed in effortlessly blowing us away with her incredible vocals and of course obliterating Taylor’s vevo record.

 

 

 

SCANDAL: Zayn Malik leaving One Direction

Tears flooded timelines , lives were potentially destroyed and this occurred all before the much awaited concert in South Africa ( we don’t deserve nice things) . The 14 year old directioner in me was deeply saddened but I do wish him the best of luck in his solo career.

 

2015 , you have been emotionally harrowing , crazy and also rather beautiful . You will forever-more be immortalized in this post and I hope 2016 is a heck of a lot better.

If Social Media were drinks

We live in a fast paced world that has us glued to our dimly lit screens almost constantly and usually we owe this addiction and sometimes complete waste of time to Social Media. Yes , the thing that keeps evolving and new ones sprout up out of the blue and well at first our parents hate it , but when they join it , it is not longer cool. In this post , vaguely inspired by Troye Sivan’s video where he personified social media , I will be going through what social media would be if they were well known drinks. This is in fact biased and has no scientific evidence , deal with it.

Tumblr – Voss water

Tumblr , just like water happens to sustain life . It sustains the life of multiple fandoms , sad poetry , some of the best memes and glorious photography. But , it isn’t just any water , oh no , it is the best of the best , the cut above the rest : VOSS , of course because it’s all about the aesthetic at the end of the day.

Twitter – coffee

The underlying component of coffee is well , caffeine. It provides the energy needed for those all night twitter owls and can be seemingly as refreshingly addictive as your timeline. Twitter is known for being hyperactive and universally loved by most people with a brain (oh wait nevermind , it is also the home to most bigots an politicians too). There also different ways to tweet , you can be a bitter sugarless hater ,an over the top frothy fangirl or just plan and simple average-cuppa-joe.

Facebook – Coke 

Facebook started off big and made millions and is still sadly relatively popular today . It is one of those things you know you shouldn’t drink but once you get a taste , you’re hooked (temporarily).

Snapchat – EVERY ALCOHOL EVER

The new kid on the block is doing everything it possibly can to stay relevant and can often be confusing at times. One moment you’re watching pointless 300 second long snapstories and living vicariously from the comfort of your couch and the next you’re reading refreshing articles. Mostly , just like after consuming alcohol you may regret your actions like that snap you sent , as there are always handy screenshotters at the ready to have your mistakes saved forever .Both alcohol and snapchat have a habit of making you lose your clothes (hint :those nudes you shouldn’t have sent) (NOTE : just like alochol snapchat’s terms and conditions seem to be a bit fuzzy too , You have been warned).

YouTube- Flavoured water

Water , as stated before sustains life and is the original contender on the block , but then came flavoured water , with new possibilities and unidentifiable health risks . You know it probably isnt good for you ,but you drink it anyway . There are different flavours for everyone , like if you’re in the mood for music videos , pranks , general vlogging , make up gurus or a tutorial on basically anything.

 

Vine – RedBull

Vine is basically that hyperactive kid running around screaming random things as quickly as possible in the hopes of going viral ( or gaining wings). It also has negative side effects that we sometimes overlook, like launching the careers of Nash Grier and Cameron Dallas

Pintrest – Chardonnay

Classy , refined , tasteful and possibly run by middle-aged housewives , pintrest is the go to for DIY ideas and once you join you’re pinned for life.

Google + – Pepsi

The cheaper cousin of Facebook , who tried out the formula but was missing a key ingredient , yet still lingers in the hopes of one day catching on.

 

Well ,that’s a wrap and I am rather thirsty now . Comment down below if you disagree and what the drink you think a social media represents.

How not to do International Coffee Day

Today is in fact international coffee day , second only to my Birthday in my books , as it celebrates the existence of the elixir that both sustains and ruins my life. The following story I am about to tell is based on actual evens that occurred this very morning.

Just before the sun rose over the horizon I gently slipped out of bed and took my laptop upstairs to the study (my second home). Here , I had planned to concoct the perfect study timetable to ensure success in my upcoming final exams . It was complete and colour coded to OCD perfection. Once completed , I scurried off to the kitchen to eat some breakfast and interestingly enough my mum had just baked a batch of scones . Now one would normally consume ones coffee , but of course I decided against it and decided to ingest water instead ( trying to be healthy) and it is here that the trouble started. After packing my bag and donning my dreadful school uniform for one of the last times , it finally hit me that today was in fact ” international coffee day” and what kind of caffeinated elfling would I be if I simply ignored it ? (answer: a terrible one) .

Being the absolute genius that I am ,I decided to make a cup of coffee and carry it to school in one of those carrier flasks and sip away the extra hour early at which I was dropped off at school. My steaming hot cup of hugs was ready and I casually placed the flask down on the study table in order to gather my things . In a matter of a second and one flick from my school bag , the VERY MUCH CLOSED flask was knocked over and the mess ensued . My plan was fullproof but my laptop was not coffeeproof. The sticky brown liquid seeped into the crevices of my keyboard at an alarming rate and beside it lay my very study timetable drenched and deteriorating . It took a few more seconds for my brain to process my stupidity before I realised that I too , was covered in coffee . My mind rushed as I picked up my laptop with its now ironic “love coffee” sticker plastered on the surface . I turned it around and hurriedly tried to remove the excess coffee and yelled for help while slowly dying inside.

In the end there was nothing more I could than confess to my parents and face the sticky consequences. Subsequently I did not go to school due to my spiralling emotions and am dreading drinking another cup of coffee. Suffice to say I may have been “stained” for life.

This was of course not typed out on my own laptop for obvious reasons . I just hope we manage to sort everything out and I figured blogging would be a good release . I give you full permission to laugh at my misery , at least then I know someone got something good out of this .

HOPEFULLY YOUR INTERNATIONAL COFFEE DAY GOES BETTER THAN MINE ( I still love coffee okay , at least I think so …)

In a world without coffee for my laptop however there would be no chaos and darkness ( especially since the screen went black after the spill)