The anti-lifestyle blog

Blogging culture in recent years has exploded, every second person on Instagram reviews makeup or cafes and is doing an elaborate giveaway with an up and coming brand. I am proud of their success and at times, yes, a little envious,  because I too would like to enjoy the fruits of free stuff- I am Indian after all. I have, however, resided myself to the fact, that I will never be able to maintain such a facade. A self-proclaimed hermit studying tirelessly- in between binging new series and not living my best life. My life is too mundane to grace your feeds with that perfectly timed aesthetic coffee shot(You know, the one where you had to rearrange the sugar bowl and ask your friend to move their hand out of the shot). If you want to know my days usually go, well, you are in for a wild, thrilling and utterly boring ride.

7-8 AM- usually get out of bed, scroll through social media for a good few minutes. Breakfast is toast and butter or on the days when I’m watching my chiseled physique- special K, otherwise known as flavoured cardboard.

How to get my look: own a pair or jeans, loose culottes or tights and pair it with a collared shirt(the ones that were in like 3 years ago) or if you are at home- comfy sweats and literally any t-shirt with an ironic/ quirky saying. Sometimes a fangirl shirt- where maybe 5 people compliment you and the rest stare in bemusement.

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On my way to campus: It’s time for me to send my daily scheduled “I hate my life, I’d like this day to end” snapchat(with the latest adorable filter) to my many adoring fans( A.K.A my friends who have no choice but to entertain my whims). Sometimes, I throw in a ridiculous pun or two

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9-12: I try my hardest not to fall asleep in lectures and ask myself at least three times, why I pay half a home loan to have people read slides to me in a monotonous, monotone voice. On days off, I am probably on my fifth episode of the day and or still asleep.

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1-2: Ahh lunch, last night’s leftovers, a cheese sandwich or savouries, Mighty appetizing, totally worth the gram.

Late afternoon: I get home, seek out my cat who runs away from me and has more of a social life and then proceed to nap away my misery.

Evening: the overwhelming existential crisis strikes, I contemplate dropping out of uni and marrying a rich old billionaire or getting off my ass and starting to study for my test or doing the tut I am itching to skip.

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Supper: Depends on my mother’s mood and level of “today I want to outdo all the other mothers and try a new kitchen queen’s recipe” or here have toasted cheese.

The hours before I drift into nothingness: scroll, scroll, hahaha funny meme, sends to/tags friend. More memes, tweet something no one else finds funny or cares about, scroll, scroll, existential crisis part 2 because I read about Trump’s presidency or literally anything in the news, shade someone, scroll, scroll.

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PEACEFUL SLUMBER: dreams of meeting my favourite South Asian actors and or an irrelevant twitter crush.

So there you have it, friends. My hauls include hauling myself out of bed, a review of that person I tried not to make eye contact with and products used: the most important of all and highly coveted: WILL TO LIVE.

Disclaimer: while this is, in fact, how most of my days end up, I love fashion, makeup and trying out cute cafes- I just do it far less often than I would like. 

 

Take a break from the toxic

The way things have been going in 2016 and my increasing lack of faith in the internet , today I want to say thank you to people from the internet who have enriched my life.

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My predominant social media of choice would be the ever evolving home to 140 characters , why Twitter of course. Around mid 2013 an habit or more so an addiction developed to sharing my arbitrary and pointless thoughts which probably did include what I had for breakfast that morning . Slowly but surely I kept my momentum going and added my jokes that no one would laugh at irl and the followers trickled in. By grade 11(2014) people at school used to talk about how  I never stopped tweeting or how many retweets I had on a certain thing and it all felt eerie but then cue the wonderful people that are my mutuals, who made me throw caution to the wind and forget every stranger danger lecture I’ve ever gotten.

Vivacious pun-makers , sarcastic fangirls , religious reminders , social justice warriors , you name it and they probably found their way into my heart. With every little part of my soul i shared , I gained a part of another’s soul , every character you decided to perfectly curate (typo or not) has taught me something or made me a better person.

 

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It’s never always sunshine and unicorns in life and the same applies to the tl but I am not here to focus on the negative ( for once) . Some nights I could be bored out my mind , sitting in the dark scrolling away my life and then my thirst could be quenched by double thick milkshakes , exposing catfish and viral opinion games and my night could be so aptly deemed ‘lit’ , however not by regular teenager standards.

The best part for me has been watching people grow and prosper in their respective fields .Casey the model , Juwie the artist , poet (and pretty much everything else) , Haaj the shipper , Tara the youtuber , Gabi the photographer, Suvania (my sunshine) the soon to be published writer and so many many others. Sometimes I mention these names irl and much to the confusion of those around me , but on the tl it’s a quaint little community with a wealth of knowledge and with people from vastly different backgrounds.

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My loyal followers (some more than others) have helped me through some of the hardest times in my life , become my best friends  and have given me whatsapp groups galore, confidence and tremendous amounts of support. Sharing my life with people some within my country , km away and some across oceans have unlocked opportunities I could never dream of. It’s rather ironic how I am willing to share to the void that is the internet , instead of to the people I see on a daily basis but satisfying nevertheless.

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So to end of thank you for the kind words , constructive  criticism , terribly grand puns, riveting book discussions, stunning photosets , answering my questions on shampoo and most importantly giving me a space where I fit. I pray for each and every one of you to succeed and I hope to meet more of you (sans awkwardness). Also , I apologise for all the mushiness and or cheesiness , let it slide just this once and you better not be fake.

 

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Types of people during Ramadaan

Freezers are packed , scarves are out , dates are opened and little kids are ever so eager to try and achieve their first full fasting Ramadaan.

Alhamdulilah , the month we all wait for and cherish so dearly is soon to be upon us and I can honestly feel the excitement as I await the serenity and of course the accompanying savouries. Naturally as it is indeed a time of great change , certain personalities tend to be annually prevalent , or well at least from my perspective

DISCLAIMER: this is no way or form meant to serve as a judgement but merely for humorous purposes.

 The one with the lame jokes

Sadly , there is always that one person who can never let a joke (that was probably never that funny in the first place) die out and has them stashed away ready to use every year.Some include :

I sincerely pray that person learns to end our yearly torture , JUST LET IT DIE. These may at some point be the whatsapp display picture or your parents or older aunts and uncles who may have just discovered memes and want to be “hip” , be on the lookout for these on group chats as well.

The one who has bigger eyes than one’s stomach 

This person will spend the whole day going on about how much they plan to eat and might even pile up on their plates at iftaar only to take two bites of a samoosa and suddenly decide that they never want to see food again. I may or may not be guilty of being this person.

The sloth 

Due to the you know lack of food for roughly twelve hours (fortunately here in South Africa) , this bright spark decides that sleeping all day is the answer and probably only gets up five minutes before Athan in a fit of panic. In conjucntion to the sloth we have the person who gets up 5 minutes before sehri ends , and tries stuffing their face with what ever is left and quickly washing it down with some water. I highly recommend that you do not become this person

THE SUHOOR VS SEHRI 

For some reason there is great debate over which to say and certain people say different things , personally I say sehri . Also from twitter I learned that some Capetonians say “boeka” instead of Iftaar , I think it is a Malay think that later became embedded in the Capetonian Muslim population. Lastly , what exactly is boeber (?) , for now I am going stick with my belief that it is similar to kheer.

The glutton 

Fasting is usually considered to be a form of detoxing and cleansing for one’s mind and body , however we always get the over indulgers who may wipe out their mother’s savoury supplies by the second week and gain a few kgs here and there , completely defeating the purpose of course.

The mine is better than yours club

In the age of social media notably snapchat , instagram and twitter , people constantly seek others’ validation and try to out do each other . So if one person just posted their perfectly styled nutella milkshakes on instagram , the other must of course fire back with a three layered chocolate mousse delectably topped with strawberries, it’s only customary.Many people fall prey to this , but hey I am not complaining , I get good food .

The hated

This lovely human decides that it would be ever so kind of them to post tons of pictures onto your tl of only the best food , having you lust after it and only make the rumble within grow louder. NOBODY LIKES YOU

The newfound Sheikh

They pop out of nowhere ready to police everyone and anyone because of their opinion is all that seems to matter. Hey , I am all for spreading the word of Allah (SWT)but only if it is done in the correct manner.

The Ramadaan only Muslims 

Personally it angers me that people judge others for making a change , even if it is in this one month , who knows the habits formed now could stay with this person for the years to come and this was their gateway to get closer to Allah , so let the girl who only now decided to go into Hijab or the boy who now goes to the mosque be , it is between them and Allah (SWT) and not for you to judge.

At the end of the day , I wish everyone a sincere Ramadaan Mubarak and ask you to endeavour to make it count and maybe let’s try and not be these people this year , Insha Allah.

 

The woes of being a blogger

Hello there internet( I don’t know why I address you as a whole , well thank Dan Howell)

I am not sure if you noticed or well cared but I have pretty much been MIA in terms of my blog and it’s lately I feel like I am losing  my touch with being able to write and exercise my mind , and that it will all eventually turn into a pile of mush from all the series watching and twitter scrolling ( I know , healthy life , healthy mind).

When I first started this blog , well I was measles ridden and shoved in solitary confinement and so I decided to bless the world with my lovely and irrelevant opinions on pretty much anything ,sigh I miss the eagerness of 15 year old me . So young and so full of ideas and motivation . Fast forward a few years to newly 18 , first year university student me and I am a complete and total creativity barren wasteland. So , using a lovely suggestion from my friend , I have decided to chronicle the desperately overdramtised woes of being a blogger ( in whatever order they pop into my head)

1.Everyone automatically assumes you blog about fashion

Don’t get me wrong , I admire fashion bloggers and their unique or sometimes generic senses of style and need to help those supposedly fashionably challenged and sometimes I do read these blogs , however my blog is about whatever the heck I want it to be about and I don’t want it to be specifically categorized or grouped , I feel like it just projects a negative image of blogging in general and just removes the idea of it being a personally expressive platform and even if you are a fashion or beauty blogger you keep doing you and I will continue to piggyback on your opinions , so thank you for your contribution to the bloggesphere (idk is this a word).

2.Writing slumps

The ever dreaded enemy to all bloggers and writers alike . Sometimes you just get sucked into this void , you can’t bring yourself to formulate ideas worthy of posting and you let procrastination get to you , having just experienced this I can tell you how detrimental it can be to your blog and your confidence in your writing . Pretty sure I went through the 5 stages of grief with this one.

3. HATERS GONNA HATE

Sadly , like most things on the internet the hate grows and follows you around .People have different views and opinions on things which is completely okay but some prefer to be a bit more vocal about it and sure feelings can get hurt , so the resident haters out there while you do fuel some people be mindful about feelings (wait why am I addressing haters pssst it’s not like I have any of those)

4. What will my readers think?

When you choose to share your thoughts on a global scale , it can be very tricky . I sometimes wonder about how people will react to what I have to say instead of being a completely unfiltered version of myself. Naturally , most bloggers are subjective or biased and your reader won’t always be happy with what you have to say.

5.How much of my life am I willing to share ?

Ahh , the age old tale of stranger danger on the internet still looms (weird because I seem to forget this when I interact with twitter mutuals) and you have to decide what is okay to share and what isn’t. Be reasonable and not broadcast your address because that is essentially inviting some creep to stalk you but this also concerns feelings and life details . Often it is easier for us to trust complete strangers with our problems mostly due to the safety of the degree of anonymity you have when hiding behind a keyboard.

6. WHY NOT JUST BE A VLOGGER?

Well , not attractive or wealthy enough to maintain this.

7. Twitter threads are beginning to threaten my existence 

Personally , I enjoy doing the “types or people/things” or favourites type of posts and well these have gained immense popularity on twitter and our puny brains are more likely to pay attention to things in small doses rather than long winded posts and with the option of a retweet they tend to reach larger audiences hence making a greater impact. However , hopefully I will always still be here typing to no one at all just to give myself some peace of mind.

8.Not becoming rich and famous anytime soon 

When I started this blog I of course had every intention of making this the sole supporter of my existence once I reached ultimate stardom , well no not really but wouldn’t that be nice?

9. TYPOS/TYPOES(idk)

These unsuspecting buggers creep up on you and ruin your life so much so that you end up writing poetry about them in my case

10. Not generically recycling content

Finding your voice can be incredibly difficult and time consuming . You don’t want to be one of those blogs who just churns out unoriginal pieces that have been seen before , you want to stand out and be unique but this is easier said than done (what a cliche I know , leave me be)

Well , at this very moment this is all I can think off as I avoid all my responsibilities like my upcoming tests . If you are indeed a blogger please comment down below about your personal woes and let us hope I try to post weekly in the near future more so for myself than anyone else and to my readers (if I have any) , go easy on us bloggers ,we are fragile tortured souls just trying to find the perfect pair of skinny jeans to review for you ( I KID , I KID).

 

 

How not to do International Coffee Day

Today is in fact international coffee day , second only to my Birthday in my books , as it celebrates the existence of the elixir that both sustains and ruins my life. The following story I am about to tell is based on actual evens that occurred this very morning.

Just before the sun rose over the horizon I gently slipped out of bed and took my laptop upstairs to the study (my second home). Here , I had planned to concoct the perfect study timetable to ensure success in my upcoming final exams . It was complete and colour coded to OCD perfection. Once completed , I scurried off to the kitchen to eat some breakfast and interestingly enough my mum had just baked a batch of scones . Now one would normally consume ones coffee , but of course I decided against it and decided to ingest water instead ( trying to be healthy) and it is here that the trouble started. After packing my bag and donning my dreadful school uniform for one of the last times , it finally hit me that today was in fact ” international coffee day” and what kind of caffeinated elfling would I be if I simply ignored it ? (answer: a terrible one) .

Being the absolute genius that I am ,I decided to make a cup of coffee and carry it to school in one of those carrier flasks and sip away the extra hour early at which I was dropped off at school. My steaming hot cup of hugs was ready and I casually placed the flask down on the study table in order to gather my things . In a matter of a second and one flick from my school bag , the VERY MUCH CLOSED flask was knocked over and the mess ensued . My plan was fullproof but my laptop was not coffeeproof. The sticky brown liquid seeped into the crevices of my keyboard at an alarming rate and beside it lay my very study timetable drenched and deteriorating . It took a few more seconds for my brain to process my stupidity before I realised that I too , was covered in coffee . My mind rushed as I picked up my laptop with its now ironic “love coffee” sticker plastered on the surface . I turned it around and hurriedly tried to remove the excess coffee and yelled for help while slowly dying inside.

In the end there was nothing more I could than confess to my parents and face the sticky consequences. Subsequently I did not go to school due to my spiralling emotions and am dreading drinking another cup of coffee. Suffice to say I may have been “stained” for life.

This was of course not typed out on my own laptop for obvious reasons . I just hope we manage to sort everything out and I figured blogging would be a good release . I give you full permission to laugh at my misery , at least then I know someone got something good out of this .

HOPEFULLY YOUR INTERNATIONAL COFFEE DAY GOES BETTER THAN MINE ( I still love coffee okay , at least I think so …)

In a world without coffee for my laptop however there would be no chaos and darkness ( especially since the screen went black after the spill)

A summary of my brain during exams

Why hello there internet (say this in Dan Howell’s voice)

So , of course you’re wondering where I have been (not really but I will tell you anyway). Basically I have just morphed into this semi-diligent human being and am currently writing my trial exams (before my finals like forever next month and then I am done with school) Anyway , as I type this it is 6am and I am in the mood to procrastinate. Here is an intimate look at how my brain functions during an exam period:

Night before exam: OMG OMG OMG , we haven’t studied , you know nothing. SIT DOWN AND LOOK AT YOUR NOTES RIGHT NOW!

*5 minutes later* Haha why were we stressing again? You know this stuff , I mean you have only been tested on it like 400 times , just relax cut yourself some slack . Take a break , scroll on twitter , I am mean it cant be of any harm right?

*1 hour later* YOU SPENT AN ENTIRE HOUR ON TWITTER? DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN THE MIDST OF EXAMS? DO YOU?. You think you’re so smart don’t you? Get out your notes and start doing a past paper!

*30 minutes later* Ahh , umm .. I need sleep .. you can always umm.. carry on in the morning right?

*tries to fall asleep* oh so like isn’t an organic molecule saturated when it has no double bonds? Oh and half of this side is like equal to half of that side in that maths theorem.

*8 hours later* WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP .  YOU’RE GOING TO FAIL . GET YOUR DAMN ASS OUT OF BED AND COFFEE IN YOUR SYSTEM

*1.5 hours later* oooh wow you were so productive , we’re going to ace this paper . Go on , eat breakfast ,rest easy knowing you’re a certified genius.

*arrives at school before exam to see other people* Look at how prepared they are ! Waaaay more than you . haha you’re going to fail.

*during reading time* Oh nevermind , this is easy ,come on you gots this

*half way through exam* remember when you thought you knew this stuff? *sarcastic LOL* Just give up already , you’re never going to know the answer. I will make your head hurt to punish you *gets headache*. But before you go to sleep look at that terrible outfit that teacher is wearing.

*5 minutes before the exam end* WAIT . WAIT ! WAKE UP I REMEBER THE ANSWER TO 5.2.21.6

*pens down* Oh so you failed that , you might as well accept and never talk about this again.

*gets home and has an exam the next day* You know what? Studying will never help you anyway , if you’re screwed , you’re screwed. Take a nap , you deserve it. Oh and you know we actually knew the answer to 7.8.3

*4 hours later*

*cycle repeats*

I have come to the conclusion that my brain is sadistic and has a warped sense of reality during exams,as it is often misleading. However,my brain and I are in this together and I hope it goes better than I imagine. (good luck to all others going through this, stay strong and don’t trust your brain).

Comment down below if your brain functions in a similar manner

Relationship advice from a single pringle

The irony of me doing this topic on my blog is incalculable and is most certainly leaping of this page, seeing as I have no experience whatsoever, but then the thought occurred to me , I have watched an insane amount of movies and watched those around me go through tumultuous situations and therefore have a PHD in the matter. Below will be a list of scenarios and my advice on the matter

1. unrequited love

I think everybody goes through this phase at least once in their life , unless you’re really pretty , then I hate you and don’t read this anymore. But I guess you just need to let go and not become a super stalker crazy person. Apparently there is someone for everybody and have faith that you’re still going to find your someone and they’re going to be ten times better, or not then cat lady it is or cat man , whatever suits your fancy , I don’t judge.

Me these days 😓

2. heartbroken

If this is common to you , then I’m truly sorry but don’t make a big deal out of it . Most of the time you draw negative attention to yourself by behaving like a whiny 2 year old and yeah it must hurt like hell , but nothing is forever , in time and with loads of comfort food, things will get better or you could just punch the living daylights out of the douche , that helps too.

this is my equivalent to being heartbroken :

wi-fi is a girl's bestfriend ☠

3. Long distance

It has been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder , so if you’re unfortunately far away from your better half make the most of todays technology. Today it’s a lot easier with social networks and Skype and facetime. If it’s meant to be you’ll pull through but don’t make these living arrangements permanent, because then you’re doomed.Distance

4. friendzoned

I see you there nodding away , ahh yeah the most dreaded off all , sorry guys but there really is no escape to this one , make the most of it ? at least you’re still friends or end the relationship completely.Ouch

so yeah that’s just my opinion on a few scenarios and it’s pretty much rubbish that came to me at the top of my head , but at least if it made you smile , I know I did my job , soo all you lovers out there , chin up 🙂