The anti-lifestyle blog

Blogging culture in recent years has exploded, every second person on Instagram reviews makeup or cafes and is doing an elaborate giveaway with an up and coming brand. I am proud of their success and at times, yes, a little envious,  because I too would like to enjoy the fruits of free stuff- I am Indian after all. I have, however, resided myself to the fact, that I will never be able to maintain such a facade. A self-proclaimed hermit studying tirelessly- in between binging new series and not living my best life. My life is too mundane to grace your feeds with that perfectly timed aesthetic coffee shot(You know, the one where you had to rearrange the sugar bowl and ask your friend to move their hand out of the shot). If you want to know my days usually go, well, you are in for a wild, thrilling and utterly boring ride.

7-8 AM- usually get out of bed, scroll through social media for a good few minutes. Breakfast is toast and butter or on the days when I’m watching my chiseled physique- special K, otherwise known as flavoured cardboard.

How to get my look: own a pair or jeans, loose culottes or tights and pair it with a collared shirt(the ones that were in like 3 years ago) or if you are at home- comfy sweats and literally any t-shirt with an ironic/ quirky saying. Sometimes a fangirl shirt- where maybe 5 people compliment you and the rest stare in bemusement.

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On my way to campus: It’s time for me to send my daily scheduled “I hate my life, I’d like this day to end” snapchat(with the latest adorable filter) to my many adoring fans( A.K.A my friends who have no choice but to entertain my whims). Sometimes, I throw in a ridiculous pun or two

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9-12: I try my hardest not to fall asleep in lectures and ask myself at least three times, why I pay half a home loan to have people read slides to me in a monotonous, monotone voice. On days off, I am probably on my fifth episode of the day and or still asleep.

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1-2: Ahh lunch, last night’s leftovers, a cheese sandwich or savouries, Mighty appetizing, totally worth the gram.

Late afternoon: I get home, seek out my cat who runs away from me and has more of a social life and then proceed to nap away my misery.

Evening: the overwhelming existential crisis strikes, I contemplate dropping out of uni and marrying a rich old billionaire or getting off my ass and starting to study for my test or doing the tut I am itching to skip.

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Supper: Depends on my mother’s mood and level of “today I want to outdo all the other mothers and try a new kitchen queen’s recipe” or here have toasted cheese.

The hours before I drift into nothingness: scroll, scroll, hahaha funny meme, sends to/tags friend. More memes, tweet something no one else finds funny or cares about, scroll, scroll, existential crisis part 2 because I read about Trump’s presidency or literally anything in the news, shade someone, scroll, scroll.

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PEACEFUL SLUMBER: dreams of meeting my favourite South Asian actors and or an irrelevant twitter crush.

So there you have it, friends. My hauls include hauling myself out of bed, a review of that person I tried not to make eye contact with and products used: the most important of all and highly coveted: WILL TO LIVE.

Disclaimer: while this is, in fact, how most of my days end up, I love fashion, makeup and trying out cute cafes- I just do it far less often than I would like. 

 

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Relationship advice from a single pringle ( PART 2)

why hello there internet , I know it has been far too long since I filled your life with all the insanity going on in my life , but alas I have been inspiration-less and what with all the turmoil going on in our unstable world , my emotions have been spiralling out of control. So to make sure I keep up my internet persona , I opted for something light hearted and pointless , my very own relationship advice. In one of my very first posts I did a rendition with some very relatable scenarios , so before you read this , check out PART 1 (the link won’t click itself). Considering all the cool relevant stuff was taken by part 1 , I got a bit more creative.

OH LOOK A CAT IN A PRINGLES CAN , THIS MADE MY NIGHT

 

LOVE TRAINGLES

Firstly who wouldn’t want to be sought after by more than just one member of the opposite sex. For normal people , it’s hard enough to get one , so be appreciative. Obviously in this situation not everyone is going to be pleased , and the one that loses out might just imprint on your kid someday , so be very weary of the decisions you make. The criteria should be based on who makes you a better person , like Peeta did for Katniss , or you know , who ever is hotter. Can you tell that I have only encountered this in books? Does this even happen in real life?

 

THE PERSON DOESN’T KNOW YOU EXIST

Now in most scenarios I have no experience whatsoever but for this , I am the Sheldon cooper of it all. Usually it is some famous , hot unattainable guy that casually gets your ovaries to explode either because cheek bones or he happens to be intelligent and dress amazingly. Your basic , daily fangirl dilemma  , however this also might happen because you spent hours on instagram or twitter stalking randoms and there he is , the one , or seemingly so. Here i would say is just don’t get overly attached and cut down on the obsessiveness , or wait it out and until you think you found the next man of your dreams.

THAT ONE FRIEND YOU HAVE LOVED FOREVER

There you are , young , naïve and hopelessly in love with your best friend. They understand you on a level like no other , make you smile and laugh in your darkest moments and yet , the remain completely oblivious to your true feelings. This is the saddest situation by far and is actually quite tricky. One move can lead to the loss of a friendship. Firstly you can be hopeful and fess up before someone else sweeps them of their feet , and maybe just maybe they feel the same way OR they don’t feel the same after your declaration , take a break from each other and in time with maturity you could still be friends. (P.S I am rooting for you buddy) 

THE ONE YOU CAN’T GET OVER
Obviously at some point in your life , you probably thought you found the one. The mere thought filled you with butterflies , glee and sunshine and well unicorns and shit. Life however got in the way as it usually does and bamn relationship OVER. You did the whole rebound thing maybe , tried your best to forget him and yet they creep into every little crevice of your mind. If the reason you broke up was insanely bad , like probably incest or he cheated on you , well then grow up and move on , but if it was petty like miscommunication , then reconnect and try to make it work before you regret it for good. Make your life your own romantic comedy and then tell me all about it
 

There you have it , my pointless advice . If you liked it and would like to see more scenarios ( lord help you) let me know in the comments.

DISCLAIMER: if this advice has caused you pain , well then you shouldn’t have taken it in the first place, this is merely a joke but however if it did help let’s be best friends. Also follow me on instagram because man crush Monday will be incredibly hot tomorrow ( faatimah_e) or you know twitter because you seem to love my thoughts already ( faatimahE)