How to do New year’s eve the right way , the loner way

It’s safe to say that we have reached the end of 2014 (who knew I mean what with all the pretentious instagram posts and parties I haven’t been invited to) . Honestly today is not my favourite day , perhaps because I am shackled to parents and my best friends are away in other countries . So this is for you , any other bored , borderline depressed unattached loner on this night and my unpractised , pathetic attempts to surviving the last day of 2014.

First things first (I am the realest .. okay no please let us leave this in 2014) let go of all the ill feelings you may be harbouring for those people who probably deserve it but are definitely not worth it. And once you’re done pretending to be a good person , go right back to hating them.

Next have a game plan in mind , it takes a few hours for the day to actually end so you must naturally seem at least to the outside world , competent enough to have some semblance of a social life , however small it may be. Try convincing your parents to take you out for supper , somewhere fancy and sought after , get all dressed up for no reason and then commence to document it on you snapchat story. It takes about an hour before you start convincing yourself that suicide is good option because your parents are suffocating you with their company (I love you mum and dad if you ever read this) , so before dashing home stop at some trendy ice cream place , just to seem extravagant and seemingly happy.

Once you’re home , the infuriating and pointless wait begins , to kill time I recommend eating anything edible lying around and lots of it , wishing your friends in other time zones , binge watching tv series and movies , contemplating what a disaster this year has been and the most important of all being scouring the happiest parts of the internet for a tumblresque , clichéd 2015 picture to upload on almost every social network . I do however understand that sleep is important and you may just dose off and miss it entirely , set an alarm for 10 minutes before so you look fresh faced and ready to kiss your pillow or laptop (I wont judge) or if you do miss it pretend to be too preoccupied to even notice.

There the full proof way to surviving new years eve , I hope you don’t need it . GOODBYE 2014 , YOU ARE DEAD TO ME , HELLO 2015 , PLEASE DONT SUCK

Advertisements

Relationship advice from a single pringle ( PART 2)

why hello there internet , I know it has been far too long since I filled your life with all the insanity going on in my life , but alas I have been inspiration-less and what with all the turmoil going on in our unstable world , my emotions have been spiralling out of control. So to make sure I keep up my internet persona , I opted for something light hearted and pointless , my very own relationship advice. In one of my very first posts I did a rendition with some very relatable scenarios , so before you read this , check out PART 1 (the link won’t click itself). Considering all the cool relevant stuff was taken by part 1 , I got a bit more creative.

OH LOOK A CAT IN A PRINGLES CAN , THIS MADE MY NIGHT

 

LOVE TRAINGLES

Firstly who wouldn’t want to be sought after by more than just one member of the opposite sex. For normal people , it’s hard enough to get one , so be appreciative. Obviously in this situation not everyone is going to be pleased , and the one that loses out might just imprint on your kid someday , so be very weary of the decisions you make. The criteria should be based on who makes you a better person , like Peeta did for Katniss , or you know , who ever is hotter. Can you tell that I have only encountered this in books? Does this even happen in real life?

 

THE PERSON DOESN’T KNOW YOU EXIST

Now in most scenarios I have no experience whatsoever but for this , I am the Sheldon cooper of it all. Usually it is some famous , hot unattainable guy that casually gets your ovaries to explode either because cheek bones or he happens to be intelligent and dress amazingly. Your basic , daily fangirl dilemma  , however this also might happen because you spent hours on instagram or twitter stalking randoms and there he is , the one , or seemingly so. Here i would say is just don’t get overly attached and cut down on the obsessiveness , or wait it out and until you think you found the next man of your dreams.

THAT ONE FRIEND YOU HAVE LOVED FOREVER

There you are , young , naïve and hopelessly in love with your best friend. They understand you on a level like no other , make you smile and laugh in your darkest moments and yet , the remain completely oblivious to your true feelings. This is the saddest situation by far and is actually quite tricky. One move can lead to the loss of a friendship. Firstly you can be hopeful and fess up before someone else sweeps them of their feet , and maybe just maybe they feel the same way OR they don’t feel the same after your declaration , take a break from each other and in time with maturity you could still be friends. (P.S I am rooting for you buddy) 

THE ONE YOU CAN’T GET OVER
Obviously at some point in your life , you probably thought you found the one. The mere thought filled you with butterflies , glee and sunshine and well unicorns and shit. Life however got in the way as it usually does and bamn relationship OVER. You did the whole rebound thing maybe , tried your best to forget him and yet they creep into every little crevice of your mind. If the reason you broke up was insanely bad , like probably incest or he cheated on you , well then grow up and move on , but if it was petty like miscommunication , then reconnect and try to make it work before you regret it for good. Make your life your own romantic comedy and then tell me all about it
 

There you have it , my pointless advice . If you liked it and would like to see more scenarios ( lord help you) let me know in the comments.

DISCLAIMER: if this advice has caused you pain , well then you shouldn’t have taken it in the first place, this is merely a joke but however if it did help let’s be best friends. Also follow me on instagram because man crush Monday will be incredibly hot tomorrow ( faatimah_e) or you know twitter because you seem to love my thoughts already ( faatimahE)

 

 

bored , are you? let me help

I would like to call myself an expert in this field seeing as how I have spent 99% of my existence having to endure this unsatisfying feeling . So instead of leaving you to follow in my miserable footsteps I’d like to share some of my wisdom with you other lost souls out there ( I sure hope someone reads this)

Here are 6(yes 6 and not 5 because well I just felt like it) sure-fire ways to conquer boredom:

  1. go to this magical place called www.youtube.com and checkout some of my favourite youtubers such as , Caspar Lee, Troye Sivan, Jacksgap, Marcus Butler , Alfie Deyes , Grace Helbig, Jim Chapman , Joe Sugg and many many more. I guarantee they will keep you occupied and humorously satisfied for hours.lscas

2.EAT FOOD , boredom is often mistaken for hunger , so appease your stomach and have at it. Sure you might feel bad about indulging but who cares?

3.Have a movie or TV series marathon. There is a reason these were made now make use of themmar

4.Go outside and soak up some Vitamin D (Unless it’s really cold where you live , then make a snowman? Yeah sorry)

5.STALK TILL DAWN. Social media sites have made it incredibly easy to sit back relax and stalk loved ones (or not) legally and from the comfort of your own bed . It is satisfying socially and mentally and you might learn a few helpful pieces of informationstalk

6.START A BLOG (kind of what I just did)

Greetings

If you have stumbled upon my blog , welcome you are now my subject dear, dear friend. If you haven’t noticed by the title I am highly hyped on coffee and enjoy regaling my thoughts and opinions. Surprisingly I am interested in both entertainment news(celebrities, movies, TV and books) as well as current affairs (politics , war and natural disasters). So if you’re interested in either or both you have found your home oh, and I might also add in a few tips and advice but I am in no way qualified to give it so , follow with caution. With all the formalities out of the way , let the games begin.

hello