For her.

As my head rests back on the sandstone covered stairs, I look to the vast blue skies the muse to so many romantic poets and come to the conclusion that while I am romantic, I am no poet. Collections of dust and dizziness float above me, seen through my own skewed perceptive lens(literally in my case). I try to shake the insurmountable weight on my figurative shoulders as well as the very real aching knots within. She makes me despise who I am, what I say, do, eat and every breath I take seems like an inconvenience to her gilded path. “Don’t take her seriously, you’re so rare and special, embrace your differences,” the comment that seems like a slap in my face and feelings. I’m allowed to feel even too much the way I do, swallow back the tears and cuddle the tiger looking cat. I am entitled to drift like the white clouds in and out of my sad state or consider never going back in, but only I believe this- and far too deep down inside. So I sigh a real sigh and and lift the heavy expanse of my body and soul further into my thoughts.

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The work Diaries- Part 1

Like many teenagers, when summer rolled around and my pocked emptied , I sought out a job to replenish my savings.

Applications were sent, pleas were made and CV’s edited but to no avail as I faced rejection at every corner. Thankfully my mother swooped in with a dash of nepotism(How else will you got far in life?) and provided me with a 2 week registration stint. My job was meant to be aiding university registration for the new year, whether it be technical glitches or menial labour. However, the literary stars aligned and I was placed elsewhere.

An old dramatic Arts Professor and Executive Dean required my assistance as his secretary has taken ill, and so my journey through the mountains of rat chewed paper had begun. I was truly at the edge of a cliff as I contemplated my own end due to incredible boredom. I filed papers, I tore up paper (confidentially reasons) and I got battle wounds( paper cuts) for my tireless service. At lunch I’d sneak away and quietly read a book in the kitchen and watch the clock taunt me maniacally.

My body, being an exhausted vessel, a direct result of my non-existent sleeping pattern, sunk into the depths of my bed when I got home.

Day 2 was the catalyst for change. The day before, I had noticed a rather fanciful and interesting book collection in the Professor’s office, ,mainly featuring the works of Shakespeare (The first person I stanned). Being the socially awkward dweeb that I am, I feared bringing up the shared interest but the plunge off paper (see mountain) cliff anyway. It turns out I was amongst another stan of epic proportions and Shakespeare became the gap to bridge generations. The Professor had not only studied, performed  and directed Shakespeare but also dedicated his entire Phd to the Upstart crow himself, at the University of London.

He delightfully performed a Hamlet Soliloquy, which I of course applauded and sent me home with a batch of my favourite quotes from my unconventionally favourite play “The Merchant of Venice”

It felt wonderful to engage in conversation over  a shared passion and GET PAID FOR IT. It made work not seem as dreary as it did before but the joy can only last so long.

Shakespeare humour - Hamlet.

Taking back the reins

I have completely lost the plot, instead of writing for myself as an outlet, I fell pray to consumerist ideals and focused my content on audience perception and less on my main objective. This blog was created to post my ramblings and sometimes curated pieces for you to read and enjoy, but I got so caught up in my pursuit of validation, that I forgot write for myself.

So began the block, the wall as imaginary as the one dear old Donald plans to build. The foundation laid down by own stupidity and the bricks pieced together by the fabric of my depression. Sometimes quaint little windows would appear and breach the everlasting sunlight.

But,the tears dry, the day begins again and I seek solace and contentment. I am no poet, No writer, merely a custodian of words, whether they be freely flowing or caged within my mind

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I(2016) would very much like to be excluded from this narrative

I came into this world as the clock struck 12 on January 1st 2016. I was celebrated and embraced, kisses and fireworks marked my entrance and I watched silently as foolish resolutions were made in my name. Amy, Jess, Pri, have you guys reached your goal weight yet? Mark, have you quit smoking? Are all of you going to blame every event ever in the known universe on me?

I am just a regular year, run of the mill, truly and inexplicably ordinary, but it seemed out of all the years, I really drew the short straw. But humankind really is the dramatic sort, I didn’t bring you the plague, any world war or even bring back bootleg jeans(not that they’re on the same level as mass deaths  but you get my point)

Why does nobody remember the good I have bestowed upon your feeble kind, like the fact that world hunger has reached an all time low in 25 years or the that many endangered species experienced rejuvenation and how Beyoncé released Lemonade and had all of you “SHOOK”. Conveniently forgot to remember this? Didn’t bother to read the myriad articles of articles detailing my excellence? Of course not, you were too busy making me your Gregorian scapegoat. I have this urge to sue you all for character defamation , but it would just add to the list of reasons why I am villainized.

Look, let me reason with you, the bad things and yes I do acknowledge the bad things. were far beyond my control. Trump is a bigoted force of nature, The United Kingdom a country of emotionless pasty faces were bound to screw up at some point and well the angel of death certainly had it out for Hollywood.

However, I am the understanding sort and I see your need to allocate blame as a coping mechanism and so have decided to accept all your personal terrible choices, grand catastrophes, slew of deaths and many many twitter trends as my final act of kindness before I cease to exist. My good old friend 2017, who is soon to enter your lives might not be as receptive , no matter how much positivity you seem to throw at it.

In my parting words to you, I urge you to remember be as more than just the worst year ever and have a little sympathy for all the hate that I endured  only to pacify your feelings.Take comfort in knowing that I am at an end but take heed for what might follow.

 

Yours truly,

NOT THE WORST YEAR EVER

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(It is I, the author of this and 2016 IS THE WORST YEAR EVER IT FREAKING SUCKED, BYE)

2016 in a nutshell

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Finally, we have reached the pinnacle end to the traumatic disgrace of a year that is 2016. Honestly, personally and publicly this year has been an absolute suck fest, but I did feel better knowing I was not alone in this. Alas, my yearly round-up is here to summarize a few pop culture tidbits. I have done extensive research and put tons of thought into my choices (this is a lie but you will deal)

Song Of The Year: I usually can never choose just one, so here are two songs that were probably overplayed on the radio and still linger in your head:

Closer- The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey

Black Beatles- Rae Sremmurd ft.Gucci Mane (THAT GIRL IS A REAL ROUND PIZZA)

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Best Movie: Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them

Call me unjust and biased and I will merely shrug it off, because this movie is the true shining gem of 2016. It captivated audiences and while feeling familiar was breathtakingly new. Newt charmed us with awkwardness and wit, the niffler stole our hearts, Credence demanded our hugs and JK Rowling went to the bank with our money. If you’re sceptical about this one, just give it a try and I hope you won’t be disappointed.

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Worst Movie: Sausage Party 

Great concept I am sure, but traumatic and distasteful nevertheless.

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Best Animation: Zootopia

This movie wins hands down for me, it managed to capture delightful puns, important social messages, adorable animals and catchy tunes.  It is truly the perfect formula for a winning animation for all ages to enjoy.

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Actor Of The Year: Rami Malek

Usually, I choose an up and coming movie star , but this year I will hand it to T.V. The now Emmy winner (FIRST PoC WINNER FOR BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA IN 18 YEARS(as long as I have been alive))  first made me swoon years ago in Night At The Museum , then surprised and perplexed me as Elliot Alderson and will soon gain ultimate stardom by portraying iconic Queen frontman Freddie Mercury (so damn glad the role went to a PoC). Rami is talented and successful a true trailblazer to keep an eye out on.

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Actress Of The Year: Margot Robbie

As much as I hate to admit it, the screen siren stole the screen this year most notably with her perfectly demented portrayal of Harley Quinn. This Hollywood “It girl” is more than here to stay.

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Scandal: Kim Kardashian/ Taylor Swift video feud

I do not have the time to rehash this whole entire mess and honestly I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative.

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Viral Sensation: Mannequin Challenge

CAN THIS STOP ALREADY, I AM TIRED. YOU HEARD ME, STAND STILL AND JUST DONT MOVE EVER OKAY LIKE EVER. STOP.

Joke Of The Year: Donald Trump being elected President Of The “Free World”

Oh, how I wish this was a real joke but as seen, clowns are running around ruining lives and this is no exception. My mind hasn’t fully grasped the concept of American idiocy. This is quite possibly the most 2016 thing to ever happen, only time will tell what the ominous future holds.

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GREAT LOSSES: WHO WASN’T TAKEN FROM US THIS YEAR???

R.I.P ALWAYS

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Alright, I give up I am going to gloss up my lips with my non-existent Kylie Lip Kit, throw some shade, take some L’s , dab away the sadness and try to pick up the shard remnants of my life in 2016. I hope it treated you better than it did the world.

A very Gilmore Review

Sleep deprived, hyper and most ardently seeking coffee is the person you have before you typing this post. I couldn’t have planned it better if I tried , soon you might just find me stress tap dancing in my kitchen.

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As one can tell by the rather blatant title, yours truly is just hot off the heels of binging the ever so sought after Gilmore Girls revival and well THINGS NEED TO BE DISCUSSED.

Letting myself dive into the lives of our favourite Star’s Hollow dwellers felt like inviting and old friend back into my life, gathering around a crackling fire on a chilly night and chowing down on a thick based cheesey pizza. It felt like home. 6 hours later and a mild lost cat scare and here we are.

The twinkling lights draping the city were enough to enamour me, but with most things there are often the good and the bad and for me this year revivals have not fared well after travesty that was The Cursed Child(although redeemed by Fantastic Beasts and where to find them).

Let’s get the bad out the way then:

LOGAN/RORY-CHEATING

Are we doomed to see Rory as a cheater ever since the end of season 2 Jess kiss or the season 6 Jess kiss ? (not the ever so present factor being Jess). The whole relationship while being compassionate and cute at times, just did not feel right at all, not to mention they were both in committed relationships, the engagement being bigger than pitiful and dimwitted Paul (should I say pete??). I am not entirely sure why I expected more from Rory, but I guess it doesn’t get more lost and downtrodden than being a geisha. By fall, I was rooting for them but their artsy and enchanting goodbye didn’t feel like their ending. ALSO THE PREGNANCY AND HIM BEING THE LIKELY DAD? I am sort of unsettled by it all and really hungry right now, so it could be a combination of both.

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LACK OF JESS

This one is just a personal and petty reason. Jess was likely one of my favourite characters and watching Milo bring back the same youthful zest made me feel that spark again, but he was downplayed and not given enough screen time and as a Jess/Rory shipper it was deeply unsatisfying, I will however keep playing the yearning look into the window scene on repeat and let myself dream and appreciate that Jess is truly the only person who can guide Rory when she is most lost.

 

WEIRD SUBPLOT

As a fan of the show, I very much understand that almost 70% of the 153 episodes revolved and thrived on weird subplot, but the lengthy town musical scenes were just boring me as opposed to enthralling me.The next turn came in the form of Rory’s wild and beautiful night out with the gang from Yale and yes while enchanting, it felt like an excuse to watch rich white people, do rich white people things(not that I did not enjoy the dashing Finn’s triumphant return). Lastly, the many cameos from previous co-stars felt a bit forced in some ways.

 

LACK OF DIVERSITY:

Stars Hollow is famous for many things but racial diversity doesn’t seem to be one them and you would think maybe ten years or so later that would have changed, but on screen I may have seen about 3 PoC in a sea of caucasity.

On to the good stuff

REFERENCES I COULD ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND

Seeing as I was a measly two years old when the show premiered, many of the famous and witty pop culture references went straight over my head. It felt good to see them blurt out things like Khaleesi and Doctor Who and I finally felt apart of their verbal sparring.

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EMILY GILMORE’S GRIEF JOURNEY

Forget every complex character you have ever known in books and television and just appreciate the creation that is Emily Gilmore. At times you want to maul her and others she has you in stitches. For me it really felt like she came full circle with journey after Richard’s death and it felt ever so fulfilling to watch her call the DAR out on their bullshit and invite an entire family to live with her. SHE FINALLY KEPT A MAID.

THE FEELS

A show centered around relationships is bound to thrust you into the feels every now and then and the four part mini-series is no exception. Every fight had, tear shed or I love you said had me straight back into my emotional centre; heart warmed and infuriated all the same. WE ALSO NEEDED THAT WEDDING, WE WAITED 16 YEARS THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

KIRK BEING KIRK

My dearest quirky Kirk, so wonderfully portrayed had me giggling anytime he was on screen, when it was his failed “ooo-ber” venture or simply curating the most beautiful glitter wedding, he did not disappoint.

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CLOSURE

Fall did end on a very open ended cliffhanger, leaving potential for a next season but I did gain a certain degree of closure.Paris and Doyle’s relationship while having disintegrated felt realistic(as opposed to Lane and Zach caught up in domestic bliss) and I was so thrilled to see fierce Paris be a mother and climb the many staircases in her life. The Dean Scene felt so gratifying considering how shoddily his character was treated in later seasons. He was an upstanding and thriving  family man like we always knew he would be and there was a mutual understanding with him and Rory on the  subject of first loves. Lastly, Rory writing her book based on their lives(nudged and prompted by the lovely Jess of course) genuinely excited me and made sense for her journey of self discovery, I do however wonder how the pregnancy will fit in and am weary of the Lorelei/Rory life parallels.

As as writer,  I respect Amy and Dan as well as admire them for their contribution to television and their unique formats. It has been a true sight to behold all these years and so I must also respect that they decide where our characters and story leads and be thankful for being allowed to share in the magical and whimsical world of Stars Hollow yet again.

For now, I am probably going to read some much needed fanfiction and fan theories, I shall leave you with this

 

 

 

Rants of a job seeker

Being the tender age of 18, I have been thrust into the real  capitalist world, which is indeed obsessed with money . Naturally, not being a trust fund kid, I decided to seek out a job with nothing to my name but a decent Matric qualification and a whole lot of gumption. Surely someone would want to hire your dear ambitious elfling but alas the hunt is still ongoing and here are some reasons why finding a job in a 26.6% unemployment rate climate

Must have prior experience

Dear employers, how do you expect fresh out of high school teenagers to have already acquired the necessary experience, if you will not hire them in the first place to gain it. We all need a springboard of launching pad to begin with.

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How to curate a CV

Many wasted L.O lessons were spent discussing effective study tips or healthy eating and none actually used to prepare us for the real world. Taxes, bank loans, mortgages, Jobs all very important factors in the big bad world that we have to endure are completely foreign concepts. Thankfully we do indeed resort to google for aid but our CV’s end up being bland and often inaccurate, making the job hunting even more difficult.

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Distance

There are indeed many jobs out there but some happen to be too far, and in this economy I’d end up spending more on petrol than I would be earning.

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Discrimination

You can throw South Africa’s constitution in my face all you’d like but there is still no denying that discrimination exists in the workplace. For instance let’s take sales assistants at beauty counters or just in general, all have to be of a similar skin tone of body built (so I have noticed) and this simply cannot be  a coincidence . A personal example would be for a friend of mine who was asked if she would be comfortable removing her Hijab in order to work as a cashier. I didn’t know a piece of cloth on your head could hinder your job performance? These are just two small examples of the blatant discrimination that occurs daily for people of all walks of life and is somehow accepted and tolerated. People are then changing aspects of who they are and compromising beliefs to earn a decent wage and I for one do not see how that is fair or just or equal.

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Ignoring Mental Health issues

On the many many job applications I have filled out many have asked about physical disabilities as opposed to any mental or emotional afflictions. Mental illnesses can be just as debilitating as physical ones and should rightly be acknowledged and accommodated for.

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Exams

This year due to disruptions and protests for FEESMUSTFALL, my entire semester was pushed a month, set to end in mid December . The festive hiring season begins in early December and runs throughout and so as a result your truly will probably be jobless yet again in order to ensure the passing of this academic year.

Inability of hire myself 

I am teeming with ideas of business opportunities and ventures to explore but lack the time, support and capital to put these into motion.

In all fairness, I am still thankful to be privileged enough to be able to seek employment and survive somewhat without it and the above factors are based deeply on personal experience. I just want to be able to live my best life and not ask or bother my parents who already have so much on their plate.

I do hope my luck turns around soon , and to the rest of you looking too, chin up, our time will hopefully come (Insha Allah). Do comment down below if you have any grievances to share.

To end this off on a light-hearted note here is a cute koala pun

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Take a break from the toxic

The way things have been going in 2016 and my increasing lack of faith in the internet , today I want to say thank you to people from the internet who have enriched my life.

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My predominant social media of choice would be the ever evolving home to 140 characters , why Twitter of course. Around mid 2013 an habit or more so an addiction developed to sharing my arbitrary and pointless thoughts which probably did include what I had for breakfast that morning . Slowly but surely I kept my momentum going and added my jokes that no one would laugh at irl and the followers trickled in. By grade 11(2014) people at school used to talk about how  I never stopped tweeting or how many retweets I had on a certain thing and it all felt eerie but then cue the wonderful people that are my mutuals, who made me throw caution to the wind and forget every stranger danger lecture I’ve ever gotten.

Vivacious pun-makers , sarcastic fangirls , religious reminders , social justice warriors , you name it and they probably found their way into my heart. With every little part of my soul i shared , I gained a part of another’s soul , every character you decided to perfectly curate (typo or not) has taught me something or made me a better person.

 

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It’s never always sunshine and unicorns in life and the same applies to the tl but I am not here to focus on the negative ( for once) . Some nights I could be bored out my mind , sitting in the dark scrolling away my life and then my thirst could be quenched by double thick milkshakes , exposing catfish and viral opinion games and my night could be so aptly deemed ‘lit’ , however not by regular teenager standards.

The best part for me has been watching people grow and prosper in their respective fields .Casey the model , Juwie the artist , poet (and pretty much everything else) , Haaj the shipper , Tara the youtuber , Gabi the photographer, Suvania (my sunshine) the soon to be published writer and so many many others. Sometimes I mention these names irl and much to the confusion of those around me , but on the tl it’s a quaint little community with a wealth of knowledge and with people from vastly different backgrounds.

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My loyal followers (some more than others) have helped me through some of the hardest times in my life , become my best friends  and have given me whatsapp groups galore, confidence and tremendous amounts of support. Sharing my life with people some within my country , km away and some across oceans have unlocked opportunities I could never dream of. It’s rather ironic how I am willing to share to the void that is the internet , instead of to the people I see on a daily basis but satisfying nevertheless.

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So to end of thank you for the kind words , constructive  criticism , terribly grand puns, riveting book discussions, stunning photosets , answering my questions on shampoo and most importantly giving me a space where I fit. I pray for each and every one of you to succeed and I hope to meet more of you (sans awkwardness). Also , I apologise for all the mushiness and or cheesiness , let it slide just this once and you better not be fake.

 

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Hello, it’s me.

Yes , it is still I, your loyal but not so present elfling just with a new look . It just seemed time for a change what with my impending existential crisis soon to follow. This new me comes with a few announcements and proclamations too.

I am no longer 15 years old , what a surprise I know . No longer filled with high school woes or an eagerness to blog , and I also drink green tea(caffeine is caffeine) now and care about makeup ( OH THE HORROR- that is no longer my face). The younger me would be so appalled at the current state of this blog and my life, I am pretty sure she would be drafting a post already. I have let this seep into the crevices , ignored and only there when I have a rare surge of energy and enough is enough.

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I think I applied this to my blog instead

This blog demands my attention. I am more confused than I have ever been and I probably need one of those years off to go find myself in Europe but unfortunately I am both broke and not white , instead I have my words , a source of solace and contentment that I now intend to make full use of. Be prepared for a flurry of thoughts , reviews and those fun posts too ( a shrine to my former work).

A promise to myself and to my readers if any , is to post biweekly and if not I hope to be expelled to the deepest , darkest parts of the internet for my most deceitful betrayal. Lastly , it feels good to be filled with a need to write again and I hope it makes me feel better in this weird and messy part of my life ( oh , look, positivity , that’s new) and thank you to Juwie for the exceptional artwork , it was definitely the push I needed. Your loyal elfling is here to stay, Insha Allah.

 

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This is ever so cheesy and yet is all I ever want to say

 

An open letter to the Social Justice Warriors of the web

DISCLAIMER: This is in no way shape or form meant to serve as some form of ridiculous judgement or ‘shade throwing’ , it is merely based on my personal observations as seen on the internet and is strictly then a generalisation , if this does not apply to you , great wonderful my sincerest apologies for lumping  you into a large group of people . THIS IS MY OWN OPINION , which you can choose to take into consideration or discard into the useless abyss that is life . This is my free space to say what I believe and I urge you to not quote me out of context. I cannot emphasize enough that this my PERSONAL view and I am indeed a flawed human and  I do not believe my opinion is the be all and end all and am willing to consider others and grow a person without compromising my core beliefs.

Activism seems to be the special on the menu of life these days , and I am all for it, provided there is a just cause.

Firstly , I would like to start off on a positive note and thank you for your contribution to my life and knowledge. I am not a person who believes that social media activism is futile for I have first hand seen the immense power of a collective group of people all over the world in educating and bringing about change as demonstrated by the #FEESMUSTFALLMOVEMENT . Through social media my eyes have been widened to many injustices and learned of new concepts such as white privilege , reverse racism (or lack thereof) and cultural appropriation to name a few. For this I am grateful as it has allowed me to critically engage with new ideas and form new opinions and outlooks.

However , I do believe the world is ALWAYS going to be a place filled with bigots and those who choose to remain ignorant and that we can never truly eradicate or educate ALL of them and therefore begrudgingly have to find a way to share the same air and web spaces with them and this is why I believe that “dragging” can reach sickening levels. More often than not your endgame is to educate and engage in debate over a conflicting issue but sometimes it spirals into throwing petty insults back and forth and your crew coming to your aid merely rubbing salt into the wound. It is not a healthy means of getting your point across , you get so caught up in the act of dragging that you lose your point and I for one cannot take you seriously after that. With the concept of dragging , we face problems such as mob mentality and so many people jump on a bandwagon that probably didn’t concern them in the first place and creates more drama and hostility.

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While I do not believe that my opinion is the only correct one in existence, I am generally terrified of voicing it for fear of it being contradictory to the collective accepted norms laid of by social justice warriors and in fact although I have been wanting to write about this for a long time , however  ,my fear of being shunned or ostracized overpowered me. Ironically a core value preached by SJW’s is acceptance and I hate to say it but this is greatly lacking. Once what was a safe space for me to voice my opinions is now hostile and yes I realise I should just unfollow , block and mute but for some reason I find this difficult to do. If your (that being anyone) opinion is not the generally accepted one , it gets lost in the void and is deemed irrelevant and you can often face mass scrutiny even if the view is not politically charged.

Two great factors that are largely touched on are race and religion and for most this can be seen as a touchy subject and rightfully so. Let’s start of by saying I am a Muslim Indian , thus making me religious and a POC and despite the fact that I believe in a higher power I have maintained healthy relationships with my friends who are Atheists.On the internet however there are many religious beliefs that many hold dear which can be considered archaic or pointless to SJWs and this can lead to religion bashing , misquoted scripture or quoting out of context and create unnecessary conflict and no this is not me excusing religious people for their bigoted statements either , there are always two sides to the coin. Then comes my race , POC have been grouped together mostly due to` melanin content and similar media treatment or in a historical context , note I said SIMILAR , NOT THE SAME. I for one believe I am not educated enough to make statements about race and POC in general , yet some seem to be more than learned on the subject and no wikipedia links do not count. There is a general lack of comradery and almost any statement pertaining to race is broiled in controversy and then we have the widely contentious cultural appropriation and how sometimes we are willing to excuse POC for appropriating other cultures yet vehemently go after non-POC. This is most certainly an internal problem and should be addressed as opposed to swept under the rug and proper research should be done before making blanket statements.

Next up we have a very emotional topic commonly known as “triggers” which is an undisputed occurrence , however what one person find triggering may not affect the other and vice versa . I have seen many people call out tweets or pictures for being triggering and go on escapades to prove their point or drag a person and yet they or their friends can post something equally as triggering to another and use the empty shell of an excuse of ” It’s not that deep”. I am not saying don’t quote lyrics or dark humour but just don’t be hypocritical about it. If you want people to respect your needs , you need to do the same in return.

To end this post off I would just like to say that I apologise if indeed this was triggering to anyone reading it and would like to reiterate my disclaimer. This serves to both commend and condemn SJW’s who can too be problematic , as we are all in fact human. Continue preaching the way you do and voicing your concerns for issues so passionately , and I will continue to admire you so long as you have a significant intellectual basis .I would just like to promote the idea of a holistic , tolerant and safely engaging society but this can be seen as my optimistic side.  My last word of advice is not to belittle or patronize others because you might just end up becoming your own enemy.