Are You Pandemically Challenged?

It is the year 2020.

Month: April

And a new disturbing wave of infection is sweeping the globe, it’s called pandemonium.

If you have experienced 3 or more of the following within the last month, you maybe suffering from this deadly phenomenon:

  • Washing your hands at minimum of 32 times a day.
  • Getting high off the smell of hand sanitizer.
  • Making excessive amounts of banana bread.
  • Finding it hard to maintain that work/study/ home-life balance.
  • An inability to leave your home.
  • Hearing a distinct scream of the word “corona-virus” as narrated by renowned Academic Belcalis Marlenis Almanzar.
  • You have watched Tiger King/ Love is Blind or Too Hot to Handle on Netflix.
  • Feelings of paranoia and distrust towards delivery vehicles
  • Believing every forwarded WhatsApp message.
  • A strange, unexplained devotion to Cyril Ramaphosa.
  • Trusting news from News24.

and perhaps the most dangerous of all

  • downloading TikTok on your mobile device when you are above the age of 13.

If you relate to any of the above it is imperative that you stay calm and contact your local authorities who might come back to you within 7- 10 days subject to test-kit availability. According to BBC news (Anti- Black Broadcasting Commission) it is set to have the most devastating effect on the wealthier nations as they remain couped up in their large mansions and fighting over that last roll of toilet paper.

Experts say that the source might be traced back to the Chinese regime, but my guess is that they’re all a bit batty and well, winging it.

Okay, okay that’s enough of an introductive spoof. Let’s face it: We all are feeling a little overwhelmed right now as the coronavirus ravages through our population. We are stuck at home, perhaps alone, perhaps with family(not sure which is better) and in some incredibly uncharted waters.

To be honest, I am feeling pandemically challenged from my very acknowledged place of privilege. I am healthy, employed(for now) and have enough money to see me through the next few weeks. Yet, despite my gratitude I am plagued(insensitive, I know) with this gnawing CHALLENGE. We wake up everyday to new cases, new upgrades, more Trump press statements and it feels incredibly uncertain. It is not selfish to miss the things that once helped you get through day by day, the warm embrace of friends, the freshly brewed cappuccino you didn’t have to make yourself or even attending your congregational prayer.

I wish I had the words to adequetaly express how I feel, beyond my tasteless pun of calling it a surreal fever dream. It is just STRANGE. We all had to face huge shifts that would make history, some generations had war, we have a pandemic and let me tell you, IT IS NOT A VIBE.

As I struggle to focus on daily tasks and yearn for my sense of normalcy, I really, genuinely pray that we can get through this even if it is just through sharing our collective experiences.

So I challenge you to tell me how you are pandemically challenged.



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