How to do New year’s eve the right way , the loner way

It’s safe to say that we have reached the end of 2014 (who knew I mean what with all the pretentious instagram posts and parties I haven’t been invited to) . Honestly today is not my favourite day , perhaps because I am shackled to parents and my best friends are away in other countries . So this is for you , any other bored , borderline depressed unattached loner on this night and my unpractised , pathetic attempts to surviving the last day of 2014.

First things first (I am the realest .. okay no please let us leave this in 2014) let go of all the ill feelings you may be harbouring for those people who probably deserve it but are definitely not worth it. And once you’re done pretending to be a good person , go right back to hating them.

Next have a game plan in mind , it takes a few hours for the day to actually end so you must naturally seem at least to the outside world , competent enough to have some semblance of a social life , however small it may be. Try convincing your parents to take you out for supper , somewhere fancy and sought after , get all dressed up for no reason and then commence to document it on you snapchat story. It takes about an hour before you start convincing yourself that suicide is good option because your parents are suffocating you with their company (I love you mum and dad if you ever read this) , so before dashing home stop at some trendy ice cream place , just to seem extravagant and seemingly happy.

Once you’re home , the infuriating and pointless wait begins , to kill time I recommend eating anything edible lying around and lots of it , wishing your friends in other time zones , binge watching tv series and movies , contemplating what a disaster this year has been and the most important of all being scouring the happiest parts of the internet for a tumblresque , clichéd 2015 picture to upload on almost every social network . I do however understand that sleep is important and you may just dose off and miss it entirely , set an alarm for 10 minutes before so you look fresh faced and ready to kiss your pillow or laptop (I wont judge) or if you do miss it pretend to be too preoccupied to even notice.

There the full proof way to surviving new years eve , I hope you don’t need it . GOODBYE 2014 , YOU ARE DEAD TO ME , HELLO 2015 , PLEASE DONT SUCK

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