What does your cereal say about you?

Ever read a magazine article with a similar title to mine but instead it talks bout horoscopes , names , shoes or other trivial nonsense? Well I felt inspired by these articles that I have never read and put my investigative skills to work. Presenting a completely biased , inaccurate , humorous view on what your cereal says about you (picture this on glossy pages)

Here goes nothing:

From : whatever magazine would publish this

Crunchy, smooth , fluid-filled or just plain . You wake up , go about your daily morning rituals , in your sleepy haze a box awaits. The box is followed by a bowl ,spoon and usually milk. By now you know I am referring to the grains that start your day , and yet these grains are simply not limited to time frame , they ,may be consumed at all hours.

What is cereal? Yes a food normally consumed at breakfast , because who has time for a gourmet breakfast and we are just plain lazy due to the lack of a butler. Naturally some like variety but I cannot commit to a cereal , so I am a cereal slut trying out new ones around every 3 months , clearly I will have issues in an actual relationship But enough about me , I tried to involve some public consensus and if you don’t know the names of the cereal because you aren’t South African then Google my friend.

mold mereal

COCO POPS 

Coco pops shows a strong attachment to childhood and chocolate . You are probably immature and eat this at all hours , try an adult cereal from now and then to shake things up.

CORN FLAKES

Well aren’t you plain , precise and downright ordinary or in teen speak ” omg you’re so basic” . Also you might have OCD tendencies like how many flakes are in the bowl. Try and shake things up from time to time.

SPECIAL K

Know that you are beautiful and don’t need the media to tell you to lose weight to be beautiful , so please eat something that doesn’t taste like cardboard , unless you like the cereal bars because those are amazing.

STRAWBERRY POPS AND MILO CEREAL

You think you’re hipster but you’re really mainstream , but I wont deny following trends does have its upsides.

OATS AND FRUIT

clearly a very damaged and deranged soul. WHY WOULD YOU VOLANTARILY SUBJECT YOURSELF TO OATS?

MUSELI

if you’re feeling fancy you can call this granola , but really you’re not to bad and maybe you’re a nice person living on the healthier side of life , or just pretending to.

FUTURE LIFE (MY LATEST EX CEREAL)

You probably buy into delusions and believe that this will fill you contentedly when it really lies.

AL BRAN FLAKES

Probably constipated.

Disclaimer : the views and opinions expressed above are not to be taken seriously but are a true devotion to cereal and a generalised view. Also I may or may not be eating cereal now

follow me on twitter : @faatimahE

Advertisements

Relationship advice from a single pringle ( PART 2)

why hello there internet , I know it has been far too long since I filled your life with all the insanity going on in my life , but alas I have been inspiration-less and what with all the turmoil going on in our unstable world , my emotions have been spiralling out of control. So to make sure I keep up my internet persona , I opted for something light hearted and pointless , my very own relationship advice. In one of my very first posts I did a rendition with some very relatable scenarios , so before you read this , check out PART 1 (the link won’t click itself). Considering all the cool relevant stuff was taken by part 1 , I got a bit more creative.

OH LOOK A CAT IN A PRINGLES CAN , THIS MADE MY NIGHT

 

LOVE TRAINGLES

Firstly who wouldn’t want to be sought after by more than just one member of the opposite sex. For normal people , it’s hard enough to get one , so be appreciative. Obviously in this situation not everyone is going to be pleased , and the one that loses out might just imprint on your kid someday , so be very weary of the decisions you make. The criteria should be based on who makes you a better person , like Peeta did for Katniss , or you know , who ever is hotter. Can you tell that I have only encountered this in books? Does this even happen in real life?

 

THE PERSON DOESN’T KNOW YOU EXIST

Now in most scenarios I have no experience whatsoever but for this , I am the Sheldon cooper of it all. Usually it is some famous , hot unattainable guy that casually gets your ovaries to explode either because cheek bones or he happens to be intelligent and dress amazingly. Your basic , daily fangirl dilemma  , however this also might happen because you spent hours on instagram or twitter stalking randoms and there he is , the one , or seemingly so. Here i would say is just don’t get overly attached and cut down on the obsessiveness , or wait it out and until you think you found the next man of your dreams.

THAT ONE FRIEND YOU HAVE LOVED FOREVER

There you are , young , naïve and hopelessly in love with your best friend. They understand you on a level like no other , make you smile and laugh in your darkest moments and yet , the remain completely oblivious to your true feelings. This is the saddest situation by far and is actually quite tricky. One move can lead to the loss of a friendship. Firstly you can be hopeful and fess up before someone else sweeps them of their feet , and maybe just maybe they feel the same way OR they don’t feel the same after your declaration , take a break from each other and in time with maturity you could still be friends. (P.S I am rooting for you buddy) 

THE ONE YOU CAN’T GET OVER
Obviously at some point in your life , you probably thought you found the one. The mere thought filled you with butterflies , glee and sunshine and well unicorns and shit. Life however got in the way as it usually does and bamn relationship OVER. You did the whole rebound thing maybe , tried your best to forget him and yet they creep into every little crevice of your mind. If the reason you broke up was insanely bad , like probably incest or he cheated on you , well then grow up and move on , but if it was petty like miscommunication , then reconnect and try to make it work before you regret it for good. Make your life your own romantic comedy and then tell me all about it
 

There you have it , my pointless advice . If you liked it and would like to see more scenarios ( lord help you) let me know in the comments.

DISCLAIMER: if this advice has caused you pain , well then you shouldn’t have taken it in the first place, this is merely a joke but however if it did help let’s be best friends. Also follow me on instagram because man crush Monday will be incredibly hot tomorrow ( faatimah_e) or you know twitter because you seem to love my thoughts already ( faatimahE)