No romantic date to stargaze with , or buy you chocolates or canoodle with after a fancy dinner ? Yeah me too , welcome to the forever alone club , I am the only member so have made myself head know-it-all. I think that this day with all its commercialised goodies was created simply to taunt those like me , make us miserable and wonder … what is wrong with us? And of course remind us we are indeed forever alone , but I mean there’s always cats right? In my pre-emptive strike against this suck fest of a holiday , I have designed some full proof ways to be forever alone and well not be entirely aware that you are in fact forever alone.
I know you have nothing better to do so listen up and follow carefully
STEP 1 : Acknowledge the fact that your knight in shinning armour will not be approaching anytime soon to ask you to be his one and only valentine . Acceptance is the first line of defence in our war against valentines.
STEP 2: Find like minded people such as myself to indulge in their company and discuss trivial matters
STEP 3: Gather the essential supplies that one needs for ultimate endurance : Nutella at the ready , pizza ordered , chocolate covered anything, some form of expensive aromatic coffee and ice cream , ice cream is a MUST .
STEP 4: Avoid romantic comedies at all costs , you know what I am talking about right ? The clichéd story of boy meets girl , boy and girl engage in heated hatred for one and other.Girl or boy meets unsuitable match , said boy and girl realise their love for one an other following some humorous turn of events and in the end after countless moments of pining boy runs to the airport to stop his one true love : GIRL. Yeah no we do not need any heartache , sure rooting for your couple may be fun but it only remind you of you evident loneliness .
STEP 5: Watch a horror movie instead because maybe just maybe you will get to see a guy scream like a little girl
STEP 6 : Tumblr stalk hot guys and remind yourself how good it feels to be single and not tied down
STEP 7: Cry because you don’t have an Augustus Waters in your life , let the those tears come gushing down and flow like the Nile River. Releasing those salty water molecules will make you feel better.
STEP 8: Pray to whatever God you believe in that you have a valentine next year
In all seriousness just don’t let the day get to you too much , in time you will have your own valentine to rub in the lonely and miserable girls faces or you know as I have mentioned cats my dearies , cats
Caffeinated & Opinionated 
One response to “How to be forever alone on Valentine’s day”
That guy is BAE. All I had to say.