A long time ago, as recently as two years ago, I was never a girl for earrings, that is until I turned 21. I yearned to complete my space girl aesthetic with a pair of dangling moons and stars and so my love for the accessory bloomed.
Later, 8 piercings later to be exact, one Thursday eve a rose gold diamond encrusted designer jeweler huggy(I was given as a wedding gift) found its way into the drain while I was doing my evening cleanse over the bathroom sink.
it’s just an earring, right? Is it worth putting my hand down the drain and taking out the sludge in a panic to fish it out?
Well, yes and no. It’s not just an earring, it’s a corporeal inanimate manifestation of the love someone holds for me. It’s a shiny glorification of sentimentality and well it’s also really pretty and expensive .
Sometimes, I think about loss and the stupid amount of loss I’ve suffered over the last year. This loss, I felt I had control over, steps to take to recover my prized jewels. But yes, there are people dying,Kim and I have no control over that. I can’t pay an expert to unscrew some pipe and return my loved one to me.
Every day, I miss them more than before and all I have left are memories and things. Old jerseys with an arbitrary safety pin on it, a safety pin I’d gladly plunge into the depths of a drain to look for.
I can’t bring them back, nothing and no one can, so for now I’ll hold on to things that I can bring back, no matter how silly it may seem.
It has been four years and five -ish seasons since Riverdale entered the TV circuit and the world has never been worse off for it. In the initial days, despite its gritty new update, I decided to watch season one and even reviewed most of the episodes weekly.
For a while, I could tolerate and almost enjoy it but as the show progressed it became downright unwatchable, unless of course only for the purpose of laughing at how bad it is.
But herein lies the problem, Riverdale opened the door for producers and creators alike to start ruining childhood wonders one by one.
Soon Sabrina in Greendale followed on Netflix and featured no delightful talking cat but rather enough Satanic worship to make me repent for watching the show and the actual Church of Satanism wanting to the sue show. It is not exactly what I would call ” your friendly neighbourhood teenage witch” that is appropriate for family viewing. Sabrina however, unlike Riverdale has at least received the axe and was mildly better acted.
Next, we have Nancy Drew and I would love to tell you all about it, except for the fact that I was not even in the least bit compelled to even give the show a chance. Heck, I will even take the poorly executed but at least fun 2007 movie starring Emma Roberts. A character, while embroiled in investigations and mystery was still light-hearted and witty.
I am no stranger to the underlying principle of SEX SELLS, but surely we should draw the line when it comes to sexing up beloved childhood characters?
Sometimes the world needs something colourful and saccharine to make us happy, not everything has to be shrouded in the grey-blue filter synonymous with Twilight. Bright blue skies are OKAY, healthy relationships and humour are what we crave. Reality, as it is is PRETTY bleak all on its own.
I write this post as I have reached my final straw. Earlier this week, Netflix released the trailer for their latest live action based on Nickelodeon’s cartoon series The Winx Club. The Winx Club is ICONIC. The fashion, the hair, the action scenes and sisterly love among them resonated with an entire generation.
What Netflix, however decides to give us is the Riverdale-ified version completely contrary to the source material. Wingless faeries in a gothic world harnessing the power of the elements, dawning dull clothing and being completely miscast. Not to mention the exclusion of beloved main character Tecna, but after the mishaps with both Flora and Musa, perhaps Tecna was saved from the same tarnishing.
It opens up the deeper conversation as to why these hollywood live-action reboots are so out of touch. First off, it is all adults behind the scenes, probably older than the source material itself. They are out of touch with the current generation. I mean, have we seen Gen Z on tik tok with lipgloss, e-girl fashion, dragging millenials. We are a generation of albeit meme-obsessed goofballs. Sure, we may have an edge-lord in our midst here and there, but we are also deeply rooted in 90’s nostalgia (despite most of the generation never having lived in the 90’s.) We do not want mature depictions of cartoons, we would rather simply watch the cartoon itself because it would remind us of the enjoyment we experienced as children.
Some part of me wishes that Netflix will see the criticism on social media and change things up, but they definitely already spent over their probably low budget and we must just accept the garbage and another, possibly older generation as there will likley be age restrictions of at least 16, will be given a very solemn introduction into The Winx Club.
I am not sure if this title is directed at me to me or the audience (who does not exist) that reads me.
nevertheless, let’s talk.
I trust you and your family are staying safe during this pandemic and not panicking over the loss of loved ones, losing your job and being held at the choke-hold of the corporate capitalist dictators. Just me?
As covid-19 continues to ravage the world, it took something from me too. My nani(my grandmother, my mum’s world, my one month lockdown buddy roomate). With the loss of my uncle in March, I was in auto-pilot, making sure I made it through a work day, but after being alone for three months away from everyone I love and coping with the loss of my nani, I was simply not flying anymore(the irony of this statement is also notable, as since level 3 when domestic flights opened, I have never been on a plane more in my life.)
As the haze of work – sadness – studying consumed my world, I one, who hypocritically called out people for getting married during a pandemic, did so myself at the tender age of 22 years and 8 months old. I promise it was legal (at the very least)
Yeah, I do not know how to describe my 2020 either, besides: WILD.
Let us summarize, I moved to Johannesburg alone, started my first job, had a crazy roommate who stole my mug, my uncle passed away, a state of disaster was declared, I went home for a month, I returned to work and could not go home for three, my nani got Covid, my nani passed away from covid, I got married, I studied for and wrote my 4 legal admission board exams and attended PLT evening classes, and in the midst of all of this, I got stuck on a curb, had to have my car repaired twice, drove through a boomgate accidentally and my new neighbour then knocked my stationery car in the yard.
This year makes my previous 21 years on this earth seem SO vanilla, it even makes 2016 look like a joke and we all know how bad 2016 was.
To be honest, my neighbours over the past year deserve a dedicated post of their own, but I will save that for another time when the sudden urge to write again springs to the surface.
For now, I cannot wait for this year to end. In my mind, it already has. As the rest of the world experiences their second wave, the only waves South Africa cares about this December are the ones of the shores of Durban and Cape town (My apologies PE) because well, FOKOL, IT’S FESTIVE.
The urge to quit my job and runaway to a small town to start cafe/ bookstore is at an all time high (binging Dash and Lily on Netflix did not HELP.)
Anyway, that’s it for now. Don’t be stupid, wear your mask OVER your mouth and nose, sanitize, SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESSES, don’t be fooled into thinking Joe Biden and Mrs POC are any better for the world and pray for that damn phizer vaccine.
Day 55 of lockdown in South Africa and nothing seems to be getting any better.
I want to eloquently put into words how I am currently feeling, but the truth is there is less poise and more emptiness. Since my last post, I had to return to Johannesburg as my sector opened up as per the level 4 regulations and we started fasting for the month of Ramadaan. The journey back across four provinces felt positively dystopian and I felt like an (albeit permit carrying) fugitive as we passed the checkpoints in the dead of night.
The new normal means a temperature gun to my head every alternate morning, a general acceptance of foggy glasses and elbowing the elevator button. It also means, I don’t know when will be the next time I am going to see my family and friends again.
It feels selfish to be in a position of privilege, I thank Allah for not being subject to pay cuts or being put on forced paid leave, but I feel undeserving. Why should I be so lucky to have money in my bank account and food on my table in extreme abundance, in wasteful abundance when there are so many mouths to feed? It gnaws at me as I swiftly decide to donate money to those more deserving in the least intimate, contactless way possible: EFT.
I miss a time more precendented. A time we may never get back. My 20’s feel stolen from me as I pretend I am okay and put on the cheerful smile that is hidden by a piece of 3 ply (incl slot for a filter) cloth.
Social distancing has created a distance within myself, a distance from reality. As we connect to more zoom calls, the further the disconnect in my mind is amplified. I am merely here, day after day. Breathing what might likely be infectious air( P.S I KNOW THE VIRUS ISN’T AIRBORNE), anticipating presidential addresses and complaining about the western cape. At the start, I was that person sprouting of facts and statistics and eagerly awaiting updates of numbers across the world and now, I feel indifferent.
The tune of Zain Bhikha’s Eid-un Sa’Eid plays on in my head, Ramadaan has come and (almost) gone. We are preparing for an Eid like no other, one without family, one without the freedom to pray together, most importantly: one without the envelopes of Eidee’ in your hand.
And a new disturbing wave of infection is sweeping the globe, it’s called pandemonium.
If you have experienced 3 or more of the following within the last month, you maybe suffering from this deadly phenomenon:
Washing your hands at minimum of 32 times a day.
Getting high off the smell of hand sanitizer.
Making excessive amounts of banana bread.
Finding it hard to maintain that work/study/ home-life balance.
An inability to leave your home.
Hearing a distinct scream of the word “corona-virus” as narrated by renowned Academic Belcalis Marlenis Almanzar.
You have watched Tiger King/ Love is Blind or Too Hot to Handle on Netflix.
Feelings of paranoia and distrust towards delivery vehicles
Believing every forwarded WhatsApp message.
A strange, unexplained devotion to Cyril Ramaphosa.
Trusting news from News24.
and perhaps the most dangerous of all
downloading TikTok on your mobile device when you are above the age of 13.
If you relate to any of the above it is imperative that you stay calm and contact your local authorities who might come back to you within 7- 10 days subject to test-kit availability. According to BBC news (Anti- Black Broadcasting Commission) it is set to have the most devastating effect on the wealthier nations as they remain couped up in their large mansions and fighting over that last roll of toilet paper.
Experts say that the source might be traced back to the Chinese regime, but my guess is that they’re all a bit batty and well, winging it.
Okay, okay that’s enough of an introductive spoof. Let’s face it: We all are feeling a little overwhelmed right now as the coronavirus ravages through our population. We are stuck at home, perhaps alone, perhaps with family(not sure which is better) and in some incredibly uncharted waters.
To be honest, I am feeling pandemically challenged from my very acknowledged place of privilege. I am healthy, employed(for now) and have enough money to see me through the next few weeks. Yet, despite my gratitude I am plagued(insensitive, I know) with this gnawing CHALLENGE. We wake up everyday to new cases, new upgrades, more Trump press statements and it feels incredibly uncertain. It is not selfish to miss the things that once helped you get through day by day, the warm embrace of friends, the freshly brewed cappuccino you didn’t have to make yourself or even attending your congregational prayer.
I wish I had the words to adequetaly express how I feel, beyond my tasteless pun of calling it a surreal fever dream. It is just STRANGE. We all had to face huge shifts that would make history, some generations had war, we have a pandemic and let me tell you, IT IS NOT A VIBE.
As I struggle to focus on daily tasks and yearn for my sense of normalcy, I really, genuinely pray that we can get through this even if it is just through sharing our collective experiences.
So I challenge you to tell me how you are pandemically challenged.
ALSO: STAY INSIDE AND SUPPORT ALL ESSENTIAL WORKERS IN THEIR ENDEAVOURS TO KEEP US SAFE
In light of the shocking passing of my uncle and processing my grief, I only wish to share my my final year Matric speech, was entirely a tribute to him and all the warriors out there.
“Look, look, there goes my mum and dad in the sky watching over us” he said, as a flock of birds moved overhead.
Good morning to Mrs Reddy and my fellow classmates and welcome to the mind of my very own schizophrenic uncle.
Now what may you ask is schizophrenia? If you guessed an overly complicated work with Greek origins then you would be correct. The first part comes from the Greek word “schzien” which means “to split” and the second part “phren” means “mind”, however despite a great misconception it has no relation to spilt personalities.
Schizophrenia is a diagnosed mental illness. The patient often has themselves questioning what is real. They also experience trouble thinking clearly, managing their emotions and functions as well as frequent hallucinations and delusions. It affects about 1% of the male population and is less common for females. It is not seen at birth but rather developed in late adolescence or early adulthood.
Throughout history people have feared what they did not understand, mental illness is a classic example of this. During the antiquity they believed that it was a punishment from god or some form of demonic possession , similarly the Greeks also believed that it was punishment from god , that is until the father of modern medicine( you might know him) Hippocrates came along. He believed that it was as a result of imbalance in the four bodily humours and could be cured with a healthy diet and even bloodletting (the removal of one’s blood for therapeutic purposes). He had once said “Only from the brain springs our pleasures, our feelings of happiness, laughter and jokes, our pain, our sorrows and tears … This same organ makes us mad or confused, inspires us with fear and anxiety”
Today thanks to modern medicine and great scientific breakthroughs we know that it results from an excess amounts of dopamine in the brain. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter which is a type of chemical that carries messages from the endings of one nerve cell to the nerve cell body of another. In the brain of a person who has schizophrenia, this messaging system does not work properly.
Over the years we have progressed as thinkers and moved past outrageous notions such as demonic possession and drilling into people’s heads, however even today we still have myths regarding mental illness. Commonly, due to the media’s influence we associate schizophrenics with violence, yet ironically research shows that those suffering from mental illness are more often the victims rather than the perpetrators of violence.
Truthfully, there is hope for them. With the right treatment and environment they can become functional and useful members of society. I have seen this first hand with my uncle who is a well-known and well- loved member of our community.
Surely there are times at 11PM when there is a man draped in nothing but a towel professing tales of sainthood but I believe that he is a blessing and I would not have it any other way. With him in my life it certainly boosts my level of tolerance and respect for mental illness and we do engage in some truly epic conversations.
I would like to end off with my uncle’s favourite question, however arbitrary it may seem: “when is the rain coming?
May Allah(SWT) grant him the highest stage in Jannah, and I hope he stays watching over me.
DISCLAIMER: I am just a girl who really likes skincare and in particular masking(my flaws, my fat and my skin). I am no expert and have oily to combination skin.
Unless you have been living under a dehydrated, flaky skincare rock, you have probably heard about sheet masks, which are arguably sweeping the shelves and the nation over the past 3 years. They originated in South Korea and Japan and have gained global popularity, but is it just a gimmick or is looking like Hannibal Lecter truly worth the GLOW?
Personally, I have used a lot more than just the 7 brands I will go into detail about, including once off from DAISO (Japan) and it is safe to say my tiny face adores them. Every 2 for 3 sale at dischem or clicks CALLS my name and I will continue to purchase a multitude of them. I think it is important to note that they treat the skin from within and it is not going to make acne magically disappear, it will however improve brightness and texture of the skin and definitely add the hydration boost which is very needed over the winter months. So, don’t go into this craze thinking your pimple days are gone for good. It is also great as you can use a mask for your targeted skin care concern, although I seem to have ALL the concerns.
Masks used: Skin soothing (Tea Tree) and Brightening( Lemon)
Application and packaging : The packaging is ADORABLE and very worth the
bulkier length, once you remove it from the packet it is also easy to gently
peel apart and apply to the face and has ample excess serum to apply to the
Rating: (scale used is ___ / 7BTS MEMBERS)
Price Point: At around R55, it is up there in terms of cost but on par
with South African brands but FAR better. Look out for packs and sales, they
are really worth it then.
7/7! I used the brightening one the night before Eid and my skin was sublime( get it because lemons and brightening). My make up applied flawlessly over and it was dewy and soft.
SEPHORA COLLECTION (well, available at sephora for now)
Masks used: Algae and Aloe Vera
Application and packaging: It is a much smaller packet, which makes it
ideal for travelling and generally being on the go. The peelability is also
great and it didn’t require rocket scientist level skills. It did feel a little
big for my face though( but most usually are)
Price point: very hard to determine since it is not local, at around 6
dollars, even overseas, I would say it is NOT worth it at that price.
I vividly remember using the Algae mask before a really long day, I had
lectures and then a test in the evening and wore no make up whatsoever but
received compliments on how bright and full my face looked, which as a student
is the BEST alternative to “you look tired”
Application and Packaging: This is a very unique mask that cosmopolitan
South Africa called instagrammable. As opposed to the serial killer-esque look
it has fun circular (usually) mini sheets that you place on key area on your
face. It is a little tricky to apply and confusing but I guess it looks super
Price Point: LET US JUST NOT GO THERE, almost R70 on Fruugo? You are
looking to get ripped off, probably best purchased at a Sephora overseas.
They definitely only got an extra point up for cuteness, but overall it did feel good on the skin and relaxing, however not the most powerful in terms of improvement and less effective.
SORBET GROUP (Available at clicks, definitely look out for 3 for 2 sales)
Masks Used: Cleansing Spot and Blemish Face mask
Application and Packaging: The packaging is colorful and bright, also
compact enough but not as aesthetically appealing as tony moly or travel
friendly as sephora. It does outline what is contained within the serum which I
do like. It applied well to the face and I had no issues.
Price point: R55, (only worth it when 3 for 2, otherwise authentic Asian
brands do the trick better for cheaper) – YEAH I KNOW THEY ARE MADE IN KOREA
I really wanted to like this a lot more, but considering it contained salicylic acid, I expected it to pack more of a punch, especially since I did have a few small breakouts on my skin. I know there should be continued use for true realistic results, but I think my expectations were too high from previous masks and the price
Notably, I have not dabbled much with ponds skincare but also purchased
this at Dischem under the guise of a 3 for 2 sale ( I have a problem , I KNOW)
Masks Used: Skin Brightening Serum Mask
Application and Packaging: The metallic colours are indeed attractive
and size is akin to that of sorbet, so it is entirely adequate and mentions
what is contained inside. I had an issue with application of the mask, which I
am no pro (I will try and link the Chinese guys Tik-Tok video that had ME
SHOOK) but having used so many and never had this problem I was upset. It felt
like it was tearing in my hand, leading me to believe the fibers were not of
Price point: CHEAPER AT AT CLICKS (R39.90 – CURRENTLY 20% OFF) THAN AT
As these are probably made at a low cost in Korea, just to cater to a South African market, I don’t think they are as effective as other brands but I could also be a little biased. Overall, it is a good once off mask and solid attempt if you don’t want to go the extra mile to get Asian sheet masks AND definitely worth a try when on sale
BONUS: MINISO SHEET MASKS – HARD TO FIND BUT I GOT 3 FOR R30 (R10 a mask and they were a solid 4/7)
and BEAUTY TREATS at dischem (look out for the ones made in korea, they’re a lot like the MINISO ones)
Well that concludes my round up and endless rambling about sheet masks, I hope you found it at least a little worth your time and if you did read it, may you be blessed with plump, glowy and smooth skin!
I look forward to trying all the other brands I can get my hands on, seeing as a new brand pops up every two seconds (Especially local brands trying to get on the hype train and *cough* paying our influencers too much *cough*
As long as I can remember, television has been an integral part of my life. The curious 5 year old that I was, often indulged in things far beyond her age group, I suppose this came with being the youngest sibling and often unattended. Much to the dismay of my mother, I used to say that the Black box raised me, however I will admit the only way I now consume TV is on my laptop in a binging marathon and this is thanks to the popularity of streaming platforms (both legal and ummm….not so legal)
About two years ago, I found myself really diversifying my consumption of content and now subtitles rule my life. I’ve compiled a very short list of shows from 5 different countries. These really left a true and lasting impact on me and I believe would be really worth your time.
Parks and Recreation– THE US OF A
I fear the wrath of The Office enthusiasts being inflicted upon me, but when I think about a show that truly makes me happy, even after all these years, it has to be this one. Beyond how it makes me feel, it had a very real cultural impact with catch phrases like “treat yo self” (which you should all in fact do, we support self care here), how we deserve government employees like Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson being the physical manifestation of Grumpy Cat (RIP). It did however make Chris Pratt famous, but I am willing to overlook that.
Downton Abbey – THE UK
British aristocrats in beautiful gowns, enchanting us with wit, set against the backdrop of WW1, AND MAGGIE SMITH? Need I say more? Period dramas are admittedly not for everyone and probably(read definitely) lack diversity, but this remained so posh yet scandalous, and I could not help but adore it. Season 1-3 remain superior, but I am very excited for the upcoming movie.
Skam( Shame) – NORWAY
Never in my life did I think I would be enthralled by a show that was based on the lives of Norwegian teenagers, but stranger things have happened. This show was very unique and raw in its story telling, each character even had real social media that were updated according to the plot as the show aired, which is something really never done before. It felt like authentic portrayals of teenagers (with slightly more European freedoms, which I cannot relate to). The show also gained recognition as it had a season dedicated to LGBTQ + characters and one of the BEST representations of an on screen Muslim character I have ever seen. It became so popular worldwide that countries like the US and Italy have made their own adaptations (although I have yet to give them a try).
It is a little fun to hear them speak Norwegian because it sounds like Afrikaans.
Chicago Typewriter – SOUTH KOREA
There are a myriad of Korean dramas that are excellent and very worth enticing your binging capacity, but I chose to recommend this one because it blends the past of Korea with the present day. It has elements of the Japanese occupation of Korea and the resistance, but at its core it tells the story of love and friendship. It remains one of the most hauntingly beautiful dramas I have ever watched.
If you would like a full list of recommendations or reviews, PLEASE TELL ME,oh and for places to watch them, since I do not want to get sued.
Tatta Hitotsu no Koi( Love of My Life) – JAPAN
Arguably, Korean dramas are better than the Japanese and I say that’s revenge for the whole occupation, but there are a few gems that really stand out, this being one of them. The true romance sap that I am, really drank this story in. Set in the dreamy sea side city of Yokohama, the story follows two young adults from opposite sides of the social classes.
Truthfully, its a little Nicholas Sparks-esque but a lot less Southern and more fringeswept with intense stares.
That concludes my list, which is absolutely inconsistent, just like my taste in series. If any of you do try these shows, particularly the more obscure ones, I would love to know what your thoughts are!
Remember when we thought 2016 was the worst year ever? Ahh, what fond memories. 2018, was just weird both in my own life and the sphere of ever-growing pop culture. I, a self-proclaimed part-time writer have no other words, besides WEIRD. Another friend said, the theme of the year was disappointed but not surprised, so yeah all these terrible things happened in 2018, but with the way the world is going, we definitely saw it coming. Enough on that, let’s get into the list I almost didn’t make and you probably don’t want to read.
Song of The Year: Thank u, next.
it may have been a late entry into the year, but it has surely been a memorable one. With name dropping ex’s and a nostalgia-filled music video, I think we can ALL agree that Ariana solidified as a pop queen. This will also be the most overused title to the end of the year, “thank u, next 2018”
Best Movie: Avengers: Infinity war
this isn’t a pretentious film twitter opinion, clearly, but one based purely on popular vote (Donald Trump can’t relate). Not knowing whether your favourite Superheroes will survive the sequel, impeccable meme content and Stan Lee’s death really made the film one to remember for ripping our hearts to shreds repeatedly. It might not be the MOST ambitious cross-over in history, but credit is given where credit is due. It is rather poetic as 2018 disintegrates into dust and I don’t feel so good.
honorable mention: CRAZY RICH ASIANS, the title says it all! It was lavish, boasting an all Asian cast and broke a few records. The wedding scene alone made the film worthy of including.
Worst Movie: The Kissing Booth (Netflix)
Even the 15-year-old wattpad obsessed weirdo who created this blog 5 years ago, couldn’t get past the level of absolute cringe. I feel dirty for even putting it in this post, but NETFLIX NEEDS TO KNOW. We want more Lara Jean and less brunette Logan Paul. I really thought, Ramona or was it Beezus’s career was heading places and Molly Ringwald, JUST DO BETTER.
Best Animated Movie: Spider-Man Into the Spiderverse
Not that rotten tomatoes is ANYTHING to go by, the movie sits at a solid 97% which is rare for Sony’s Marvel attempts. The visuals were stunning and felt like you were actually watching a comic-book unfold. The story-line was packed with enough well-timed humour and action, aided by the terrific voice-cast. It was a film for both children and adults to enjoy.
Actor of the Year: Rami Malek
Back in 2016, I had given Rami this exact same accolade and sitting, here again, I want to thank him for not failing me. His performance in Bohemian Rhapsody alone. While I do take issue with the interchangeable casting of People of Colour, this one proved to be a solid investment. I will always remember him fondly as King Tut, and look forward to seeing the rest of his career unfold.
Actress of the Year: Emily Blunt
Emily first caught my eye in the Devil Wears Prada, and while I didn’t think much of her then, 2018 has more than opened my eyes to the level of her talent. She first dived into “A Quiet Place” directed by her husband and co-star. She didn’t even need dialogue to deliver an immaculate performance. By the end of the year, she took on the classic and daunting role of Mary Poppins, and yes while she added her own flair, she encapsulated the timeless essence of the original film. I hope the Oscar Buzz pays her, her dues.
Scandal: Logan Paul suicide forest
Just one day into 2018, the world was riveted by Logan Paul’s deplorable video, where he uploaded a YouTube Video featuring a dead body (by suicide) in the Japanese suicide forest. He was seen laughing at the body and making jokes amongst his peers and the video even made it to the trending page. His later spiraled from there and the storm of hate towards him and yet in true white boy fashion his career remains alive and thriving. I honestly wish he’d take a tide pod and leave us in peace.
Viral Sensation: TIE: SHANE DAWSON’S THE MIND OF AND PEWDIEPIE V T-SERIES
There was a time in the year where Shane Dawson had you convinced everyone around you is a sociopath and at the same time T-Series an Indian Music label almost snatched up the most subscribed spot on YouTube from PewDiePie. But his army of nine-year-olds’ wouldn’t let that happen and billboards went up, printers were hacked, memes were born and as of now PewDiePie still remains the most subscribed YouTuber on the platform.
Personally, this year I conquered so much and even managed to travel alone which for a brown girl is very much a feat. So much happened that I forgot Black Panther or the FIFA World cup even happened, but nevertheless, both were triumphs of Africa.
I am not entirely sure where the world or myself for that matter is headed in 2019, but I hope there’s some good amongst the bad and that I will know da wei.
Disclaimer: yes, I understand my inherent privilege and that millions of people don’t have access to WiFi. My problem is a very first world one for a third world gal. But take it with a pinch of salt and humour
It started one summer eve, the light left the sky and I retreated to my cave to do what I do best, scroll. It was here I was confronted with the prehistoric creature inviting me to an internet-less existence, making me one with itself(thanks, chrome dinosaur). At first instinct, I panicked, but it was not a problem I had not faced before. The towering Telkom has regularly and ruthlessly cut off my access to the world. My father and resident useless commander of our fort tackled the problem head-on, only to be left on hold.
The days grew longer, and my eagerness to attend university increased. The networks used to further academic excellence were now tainted and used to download Korean dramas, send snap streaks and relentlessly Instagram stalk. I apologize to every student who was trying to do work and thank them for bearing with my abuse.
My truest ally came in the form of the mystical capitalist haven also known as Starbucks. There I sat with my MacBook imposter Lenovo laptop, sipping overpriced coffee and finishing up assignments. Employees handed me free tea samples and strangers politely smiled as we shared a plug point, adding strength to face my adversity.
Friends proved themselves in my time of need. Pictures were never sent, but merely described and my Snapchat password floated to the next available streak sender. They so kindly took me in, sheltered, fed and connected me as the Telkom continued its torment. But it also came with being dragged on many occasions and being left behind on certain memes. My problem actually spread to a friend, but alas her shortage lasted 5 days only.
peter: what's the wifi password
steve: this is an important meeting
peter, typing: this… is an… important… me- are there any capital letters?
Vodacom thoroughly benefited as my demise continued. As if their data prices weren’t high enough we faced the VAT increase. My reluctant parents helped me waste money to refresh a timeline and download notes. Then I turned on them and started kicking off my parent’s devices from the hotspot because I prioritized succession notes over my mother’s latest Instagram recipe craze. In times like this, your true colours really show and my inner dictator prevailed.
In the end, I came out stronger, my academics probably benefited and I tested my own levels of tolerance, which admittedly aren’t very high. In the midst of it all, my aforementioned fake MacBook charger also broke and took weeks to be replaced, adding to the growing anxiety. Now that the promised land of content has been returned to me, I feel like a kid in a virtual candy store (for lack of a better metaphor). You mean I can spend a day watching just YouTube videos? My wireless printer will work? More than 2 seconds of an episode can be streamed? I am overwhelmed with my power and will never take my WiFi for granted again.
As for Telkom, all I can say is “DO BETTER”.
my mother just yelled at telkom harder than she's ever yelled at me so at least someone disappoints her more than me